Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

My mom recently had back surgery and I found this site with the usual internet search. I'm not in the medical field but after reading this thread I just had to share one of my funny experiences as a patient.

I am a very healthy middle aged male and along with my wife and three kids we have been seeing a very professional female doctor for several years. The company I work for pays for my annual physical exam which is a great benefit. Part of my physical includes a skin exam because of all the SKs and moles pretty much all over. During one of these exams, the doc notices a mole very near my "manhood" and asks the nurse for the tape measure so that the size of the mole could be documented. So she extends the tape measure and reads out the diameter of about 1/2 cm.

I ask if it looks serious and she says "No, things this small almost never cause problems!" If she had just moved on with the exam everything would have been fine but instead she kinda scoots back away, turns beat red and says "uh, you know what I mean, the mole!"

Me, the doc and the nurse all had a good laugh.

Just like to say, keep up the great work gals and guys, in a very difficult profession.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
My mom recently had back surgery and I found this site with the usual internet search. I'm not in the medical field but after reading this thread I just had to share one of my funny experiences as a patient.

I am a very healthy middle aged male and along with my wife and three kids we have been seeing a very professional female doctor for several years. The company I work for pays for my annual physical exam which is a great benefit. Part of my physical includes a skin exam because of all the SKs and moles pretty much all over. During one of these exams, the doc notices a mole very near my "manhood" and asks the nurse for the tape measure so that the size of the mole could be documented. So she extends the tape measure and reads out the diameter of about 1/2 cm.

I ask if it looks serious and she says "No, things this small almost never cause problems!" If she had just moved on with the exam everything would have been fine but instead she kinda scoots back away, turns beat red and says "uh, you know what I mean, the mole!"

Me, the doc and the nurse all had a good laugh.

Just like to say, keep up the great work gals and guys, in a very difficult profession.

:yeah:Sometimes second thoughts don't pay. We all know where her mind was now. :D
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Several of my co-workers were attempting to restrain a gentleman after he became confused and pulled out his IV and his foley. He fussed, yelled and swung at them a few times then yelled at his wife HELP HELP the Chubbie Wonders are after me!! From that moment on my charge nurse and the two other nurses in the room became the Chubbie Wonders. We are considering making them T-shirts for Christmas!!

I was doing an assessment on a pt who just came back to the floor after having a positive Dobutamine Stress Test. She was quite upset as she said the cardiologist stated that she had some STD's and was going to have to under go a heart cath the following day. Her husbands eyes about popped out of his head. While trying not to laugh I explained to her that during her test she had some ST depressions on her EKG not a sexually transmitted disease!!

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Specializes in ER, Med/Surg.

One of our OB nurses was just talking about charting the wrong thing.

She said she charted, "Pt. sitting up in bed eating baby." Instead of "feeding" baby.

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Specializes in 5yrs LPN , 2 yrs CNA.

When i was younger maybe 15 or so i said one.

I have a family that i"ve never heard say a foul word ever! and i was trying to describe to my mother and grandmother about how something frightened me and i want to say shivers and jitters all at once....see where this is going?? i dont think i can write the real word lol

but i said real loudly....THAT GAVE ME THE SH*TTERS!!! my family all stared at me with there mouths wide open and i got a scared look in my eyes and said "sorry SORRY!!!! i meant to say shivers and jitters!!! then everyone started laughing so hard!

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Specializes in Medical.

Nurse_Doom's story reminded me about a night shift when my colleagues and I returned an acutely confused elderly woman back to bed. She'd wandered into the corridor dripping blood from what used to be her IV site, naked but for a bra hanging around her neck.

She was not up for going to bed, and as the three of us plus a guy from the ward next door tried to usher her back, all the while avoidiung the still-dripping wrist, she screamed loudly for the police.

I, the inexperienced student, tried to reassure her - "It's okay, Mrs X, we're nurses."

"Nurses?" she responded, deftly kicking the poor good samaritan from 3B somewhere he preferred to keep private. "You're green &!#*$%$ from hell!"

Okay, it's no Chubby Wonders but we also thought about emblazoning it in a t-shirt!

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i asked this guy who had a feeding tube up his nose ( i forgot about it cause it wasnt hooked up yet)....would u like to sit up for dinner.(lol) oops

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Keep them coming guys. Thanks for sharing

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Haha in 8th grade science class, my teacher asked the class if anyone knew what the opposite of excess was. A friend of mine who's actually about to finish up nursing school shouted out, before anyone could even raise their hand "INCEST!!!!" Having no idea what it meant, she was totally confused when the whole classroom, including the teacher, burst out laughing. She thought she had the answer!

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Specializes in Nursing home/home health/Rehab.
We were visiting a good friend of ours, a pastor, who came down with alll the S/S of a terrible head cold on Saturday night. He decided to "medicate" himself with a dose of Nyquil and preach his Sunday morning sermon anyway. AT the appropriate time, he stood up, looked out at the congregation and said. "Everyone please turn in your bibles to First Glasses while I reach in my pocket and pull out my peter." I about fell out of the pew laughing. The service was over before it really got started.

:D:D:rotfl:

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..Just had one. I was really sick yesterday and my husband, who's stationed in Hawaii, was really worried about me. When I woke up this morning, I texted him and asked him how he had slept. He said fine and asked about me. Without thinking I said 'Like the dead!' I didn't even realize it until he texted back 'Please don't say that..' Haha. Whoops!

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Specializes in medical with other stuff chucked in!.

one of my pts (called Ron) was taken poorly and i called the doc up to see him, he was called Dr Moore. Alittle later on i was behind the curtain with another patient, and Ron called out to me asking what the name of the doctor was who came to see him. I replied "Dr Moore", being slightly deaf he asked again who the doctor was. I told him again, but he still didn't catch what i said, so in the end i called alittle louder from behind the curtain "Dr Moore, Ron" (Dr Moron). I must admit when i realised what it sounded like i did have a little chuckle to myself!

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