Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

[FranEMTnurse]

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

[KJStarling]

When I was in high school I was working as a nurse's aid at our small town hospital. It was my job to go around and get everyone's vital signs and chart them. I walked inot one gentleman's room, said "Good Morning! I'm just here to grab your vitals":stone Wife was sitting at bedside and started laughing hysterically then she said " why don't you leave that to me honey!":stone :stone I about died!

Then there was the time I was training a new nurse to our pediatric unit -- she had to call the doctor's office to set up a follow up visit for a patient in a couple of weeks post discharge as well as get some orders for some scripts to send home w/ pt. She got the doc on the phone, got the scripts and then said, and "when would you like the patient to f/u?" DEAD SILENCE at the nurses station AND the doctor's office -- it had to have been a full 10 seconds before she realized what she had said :imbar and then she quickly said " I mean of course, follow up with an office visit -- with you -- then she giggled and said the chart just has the letters F & U -- sorry!" :rotfl: At that point we were all cracking up and (thank goodness) so was the Doc. Took a LOOONG time for her to get over that one!!

OMG!!! I was teaching a class on Computerized Order Entry and someone asked how to order a "follow up." I stood up infront of the whole class and said very enthusiastically:"F U, I'd just enter F U!" The class laughed and I just about fainted...

[AOX4RN, MSN, RN, NP]

I didn't say it but... was assisting a GYN exam once when the practitioner did the usual speculum w/pap and followed it up with bimanual exam. When she removed her gloved fingers she proclaimed the woman to be, "Clean as a whistle!" :hpygrp: I could NOT contain my laughter. I had to turn around, find something to grab off the desk and make a quick excuse to leave the room with the sample so I didn't bust a gut.

[LizamiRN]

I was triage nurse on a Sunday morning and I had seen about my 5th patient from church...fell down the steps, overheated, chest pain etc...and I said to my patient "You know what? I see alot more people coming from church on a Sunday morning than I do from the bars on Saturday night! Someone should do a public service announcement!!" My patient, a 40 something year old male who had twisted his ankle falling down the church steps replied "Well, I'd be happy to help you out with that next Sunday if I can work it into my sermon." Ooops

[WinterpegLPN]

Had a pt on a commode chair giving her a shower. She said "I think i'm gonna poop! No...wait.....it came out a little and then went back in again".

To which I replied "does that mean we're going to have 6 more weeks of winter?"

Luckily the pt had a sense of humor - she laughed so hard she almost pooped! (again)

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

:lol2:

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

Saw in a triage note that a patient c/o jaw pain had recent oral surgery, and it was written as "oral sx". Needless to say I was not the only one who read it the wrong way.

[Zippyy]

in lecture at uni, friend showing me and other mate pictures from her holiday...friend commented on how she didnt look like her parents....me' maybe your adopted'.....all laughing our heads cos i realised that she was adopted, ...foot in mouth haha

Z x x

[No Stars In My Eyes]

OMG, I just looked up at the clock and realized I've been reading the posts on this thread for two hours! No wonder I have blurred vision; I've been laughing and wiping tears from my eyes all that time! But, I REALLY did need to laugh, you know how it goes, I'm sure! Before I log-off, I need to note a few of you:Reshiloh...I thought maybe you were the waitress that called me "sir", until I realized I wasn't at a Denny's when it happened. Anyway, it was YEARS ago, when I had gone to a hairdresser and asked to have my hair trimmed a LITTLE and ended up with the most gawd-awful chop-job EVER!......RNview: Bobcock/Badcock.....Down here in the South, there is a car dealership, and I think a furniture store, too named after the owner(s) whose last name IS Badcock!........TDub: Loved the Aratha Gopp story. In MY family we just CANNOT say "Patty Duke" To us she will always and forever be "Daddy Puke"!.....And, lastly,my OOOPS! remark: I was passing out supper-trays, and I walked one into a room where, I found out later, the patient was on suicide watch, and my mouth opened up as I walked the tray into the room and said with a big, bright smile"SOUP TO NUTS!" I was pleased they laughed at my quip, but egads, embarassed later when I found out the reason for that patient's admission!

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

"You can get me out for lunch when we finish screwing." I was referring to having the plates and screws implants in before I was comfortable with leaving. Sheesh.

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

"You can get me out for lunch when we finish screwing."

That still is very hilarious. Thank you for your misstep in your wording. :lol2:

[sparrowRN]

Doing a talk to tenth grade bio students.

I said "living orgasms" instead of "living organisms"

[Darkzein]

I used to work in the ER as an admitting clerk, and we routinely spoke with EMS to gather pt information. One patient arrived from a LTC facility, and instead of asking which care centre the patient was arriving from, I asked (in front of about 10 EMS, the patient, and a few nurses), "Which funeral home are they coming from?" Everyone burst out laughing, and I have yet to live it down