In being member of allnurses for over a decade, I have seen, yet not entirely read, countless threads by nurses who have or wanted children and the subsequent problems with the working schedule, furthering their education, or what have you.
I did a little research and found:
Ten Common Reasons to Have Children
They Want to Create a Family
To Carry on the Family Name and Values
They Love Babies and Small Children
Human Biology
To Give and Receive Unconditional Love
To Give Their Children the Chance to Enjoy Existence
To Give Meaning to Their Life
To Create and Mold a Life
To Fix the Mistakes of Their Parents
Social Pressure and Expectations
From: https://wehavekids.com/having-baby/Most-Common-Reasons-Why-People-Want-Children
I was about 10 years old when I first realized that maybe I didn't want to have children. It was probably in the Summer of 1967 and I was reading one of my Mom's books titled, You'll Die in Singapore.
In the book, the main character was thinking about his Army buddies who fretted over receiving or not receiving letters from their families. I remember a line that went something like, "He was glad that he had no load to weigh him down except the pack on his back".
I remember thinking something like, "Yeah- he can focus on being a soldier and not have to worry about much of anything else".
When I was about 16 years old, I read Pearl Buck's The Good Earth and remember all the hardships of Wang Lung, O-Lan, and their children. Again, I remember thinking, "Yeah- it's best not to have children".
I recently re-established, after about 20 years of no contact, communication with my high school sweetie, Racol. Among many other things, we talked about our failed relationship, her marriage, her children, and her divorce.
Racol and I dated through high school and for a some years thereafter. Once, in 1977, I was taking a lunch break, from working as a store clerk/deliveryman for a paint company, at her parents' place. Racol was home after her junior year in college.
I happened to mention that I was being considered for a position as the assistant store manager. Racol brightened up and exclaimed, "If you are the assistant store manager, then we can get married!"
I knew Racol wanted to have children and to make a long, long story short, let's just say that I sabotaged everything.
In 1979, I was engaged to Cynthie and took a class on Marriage & Family. I figured that I had to take a class before I got a driver's license, so I may as well take a class before I got a marriage license. But, Cynthie and my marriage was never meant to be.
During this time, however, I asked my Dad, the father of six of us, why he had children. His reply was, "I don't know. I never really thought about it. It was just the thing to do, I guess". And Dad was a pretty darn good dad.
So I was unmarried and without children when I decided to go into nursing. Like the soldier, "I had no load to weigh me down except (my nursing textbooks)."
I was working as an LPN when I had a vasectomy, performed by a urologist friend, at the age of 29 3/4, three months before I got married the first time.
I never wanted to have children.
Okay, I've given some of my thoughts and background in my decision not to have children.
What say you?
guest1163268
2,215 Posts
Davey, Kids are a different criteria altogether! A mind is a holy thing for me. And a young, innocent mind should be cherished. I have nephews and nieces aged 5 to 12 and I always want the babysitting duties. I swear the conversations, the topics, their choices of activities are the most fascinating things. I would propose that instead of having vacations, adults should go to camp with 5 to 9 year old kids. Now that's relaxation! The things they say and do.
My parents can have the biggest fights but all of us know it's for show. My mother rules the roost and my dad knows that she's far more competent than he could ever be. I have three siblings and I am the 2nd youngest. My older brother is an engineer and useless. He works and lives his life of playing games. It runs him and he's happy doing that. My older sister runs my father's law firm. She's the general manager. Every Sat night is family night for Dungeons and Dragons. Only my father gets a pass if he's away on business. It's been going on for years. It's a very tight enmeshed family.
I actually am too interlectual for revenge but retaliation is a family code. There has to be consequences for people's actions. We don't believe in violence because legally because of my size I will likely always end up in jail. But, a well thought out plan to make someone see the error of their ways is important. No one should be so inconsiderate as to be able to impose their will on another person!
Previous post I said the word bully and it was taken completely out of context. No hard feelings. I should have substituted assertive. You know in Psych that you never back someone into a corner. You always leave an option. My primary solution is always food with a psych patient. Plus respect! Always seems to work and prevents incident reports.
I do believe in consequences though. It's an important facet to promote learning. People have to learn to respect each other and their differences.