Nurses Eating Their Young- A Different Perspective

[Kyrshamarks]

Nurses eat their young. It happens and people complain about it like it is a bad thing. It may be in your eyes if you are the one being eaten, but in my eyes I am going to eat you alive and spit out your bones into something that resembles a nurse. You are entering the cauldron of fire, so expect to get singed.

That above statement is already setting some of you on edge. I understand that and I accept that. I felt the same way at first, but as the years have passed by I have learned why we do it and more importantly, the reason. Let me explain to you why in a way that is not nursing.

Imagine if you are a soldier ... Lets take it from there

1. Patient = fire team
2. Pilot = Nurse Practitioner
3. Officers = management
4. Your squad mates = your fellow nurses with more experience
5. Enemy = death
6. MD = (sometimes the enemy) a fellow service member form another branch

You enlisted in the service, you passed basic training (nursing school) and now you are ready to join your unit. ( I know I skipped AIT, for those military among us) You show up on the bus all excited and happy to be chosen for this special unit. It is everything you wanted, it is just where you wanted to be. Great, happy to have you aboard, now get out the salt and pepper, or maybe the opposite is true. You do not want to be here, but rather this is the only place you could get to right now.

Fine, get out the salt and pepper

Be prepared to be eaten. I am your new squad Sargent. I am there to help you get acclimated to the unit and the patrols as FAST AS I CAN. You show up in your new shiny uniforms, new boots and the new weapons (ie: stethoscope, tablet, etc) and look around you and see the older squad mates' uniforms are faded, they may even be a bit tattered, our combat boots may not be shiny, heck they may even be a bit soiled. But you know what, to us your uniform looks uncomfortable on you and those ugly boots we are wearing, they are like a second skin to us and those new ones you got are going to blister your feet. We accept that and realize that with age your boots are going to get broken in and your uniform will fade. Just don't point out to us how yours is better or newer. New does not always mean better, sometimes our weapons that you think are old and stupid are the ones that never fail in combat. You start out like that and I will eat you so hard right there that you will wish you were never born. Your old Drill instructors (nursing instructors) have nothing on me in making you feel small if I choose to.

I introduce you to your squad mates and I show you around

I know you are new and do not know where everything is, but LISTEN to me when I am talking to you and pointing things out. I know it is a lot of information to digest, but it may save your life and your fire mission's life if you listen. I expect you to ask me questions, but think about the question first. Did I already answer it? Did I not just show you where the supply tent was? Did I not point out where to keep your gear? Did I not show you how to reload your gun or program in the fire coordinates on the fire control computer? I probably did and if you keep asking I am going to start to wonder about you and think maybe you are going to get me killed or the fire team killed.

Time for your first patrol

The officers come by and gives us our mission. We need to work as a team to complete it, there are no Rambos in our unit. Accept the mission, I will be there to help guide you and keep you alive, for now. I do not want the fire mission to fail at all costs. When I feel you are strong enough to do more of the mission on your own, I am going to let you, whether you think you are not.

So now we go into the field for combat against the enemy. I know you learned all these supposedly fancy new ways of combating them, but the enemy doesn't always react the way you were taught it would. Things are different in the field, than in the classroom. Don't tell me how to do something unless I am asking you how it is done the new way. Listen to me how to set up an ambush. I have been fighting these battles many years and I am still alive. Don't look above at the pilots flying around doing their thing while we are in the trenches and say you would rather be there. It takes time to learn to fly, and I skin you and filet you alive if you think you are better than the rest of your squad mates. If you express an interest in learning to fly, I will be happy to help you get to the point you can learn to fly. I want all my squad mates to succeed, because the fire mission will then succeed.

I am going to jump on you during the training I give you, I am going to eat you up, I am going to speak bad of you, I am going to report on you to the officers. I will make your life miserable for a while. I may not let you take lunch with your buddies from basic who are now in an another unit in your command. They may have their own mission to conduct, or our mission is going badly. Sometimes I may make you work extra hard helping another soldier out, who is up to their butt in crocodiles. I am also going to praise you when you need it, but don't count on it very often. I am going to ride your butt so hard, you are going to wonder why you even enlisted. You are going to think I am unfair, that I am trying to get you killed, that I am giving you too big of missions at times, but know this. AT ALL COSTS THE FIRE TEAM MUST DO THEIR BEST! Sometimes we don't win all the battles and death does come for the mission. we accept that and expect you to accept it and pick yourself up and carry on soldier. The time to grieve is later in private when it fails, but know this; we old eat their young and are also grieving about the loss, but realize there are other missions we are needed on at that moment.

My Goal

My goal in eating you up is to toughen you up so that you may lead other soldiers in combat and save the fire missions, maybe even help you get to be a pilot or an officer, which not all of us want. Some of us were previous officers but decided we liked the trenches with the blood and guts and muck better. My goal is to see you succeed and carry on our legacy and eventually replace me when I fall. Which one day I will fall and become a distant memory. Until that moment I am going to eat you up and spit out your bones into proud strong self reliant Nurse. That is why eating our young is not a bad thing.

Related topics...

Why Do Nurses Eat Their Young?

Nurses Eating Their Young Is Not Okay

Watch WHY Nurses Eat Their Young?! My Story video...

[SmilingBluEyes]

Hmmmmmm the old "do unto others" rings especially true with this thread. If I saw a coworker mistreating anyone the way the OP says he would, there would be a big problem and we would both be in management's offices. Belittling and demeaning people teaches mistrust, and disingenuous behavior. Not what I want in my coworkers at all. On the other hand, a person correcting you in private, and in a respectful way is NOT bullying either. If anyone thinks this is, they are sorely mistaken and need to get a grip.

[afowler77]

@kaylee- Thanks! I hope not. I can take it, but I don't want to waste my time!

I live in Maryland, in close proximity to facilities such as Johns Hopkins, NIH, Walter Reed, USAMRIID, NIAID, and several VA hospitals. I would hope that I could find adults who conduct themselves with proper decorum at such facilities.

[llg, PhD, RN]

Not every orientee gets the BEST teacher, mentor or preceptor. It would be wonderful if only those who were interested in, skilled at and well suited to precepting were made preceptors. ....

I totally agree with you, Ruby. My point wasn't that all preceptors have to be perfect - but rather, that NO preceptor should be mean on purpose. We all get tired, frustrated, etc. -- and occasionally get irritable and say something unkind. (That's what apologies are for.) But to purposefully choose to be mean is different.

Orientees need to be flexible and learn to roll with a few punches. But no one should be throwing those punches on purpose out of a mistaken belief that new nurses should be beaten and broken in submission -- as the OP suggested.

There is no excuse to abandon basic human kindness, courtesy, and interpersonal respect when educating an orientee. It is not necessary -- and not productive in the long run. Research has shown repeatedly that abuse just breeds more abuse, not healthy behavior. A profession who abuses its young is no different from a parent who abuses their child in that respect. The cycle of violence needs to be stopped in order to build a healthy, cohesive family.

That doesn't mean all "rainbows and unicorns" either. High standards, etc. must be maintained. People need to be told of their mistakes and repeated poor performance cannot be tolerated. But that can be achieved without abuse.

If a senior nurse is too burned out to be civil to her co-workers, then he/she needs to address that problem productively -- WITHOUT taking it out violently against weaker colleagues.

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

I personally respond better to this "style" of training. The nurse who trains me is very Type A. She questions me on my every move. With her as my teacher I'm forced to develop effective communication skills and remain calm under stress. I work harder, think more critically, and grow faster.

But I agree that this is NOT how you want to train every nurse. A nursing team needs to encompass different personalities, and different personalities respond better to different methods of training. I can think of several friends who, despite being very smart, hard-working, and adapatable, would crash and burn with my mentor.

[erifica]

This is a load. Maybe why nurses hate being on the floor. Who wants to stay when you act like this? We're a team. We hold each other up; not pull them down.

[NurseMellie]

I have trained many new nurses in my short nursing career. I, myself, have been on the receiving edge of some nastiness when first beginning. Do I intentionally treat others the way I was treated? No! Am I a no-nonsense sort when it comes to critical thinking? Yes! I have nurses at this time who want me to walk them through each and every problem they have on their unit. Some are more seasoned than I. I am sure I've given them the "Duh" look at times but I still attempt to help. But I will not coddle or hand hold. In my building, I doubled as staff development, meaning I trained nurses on policies and procedures of the building before they even hit the floor with a nurse. These couple of days allowed me to build a good relationship with the person I was training. There was not enough time in the day to show where things were, what to look for, etc while learning the cart or working with residents. The main thing is you have to be able to think and do a great job. I don't mind questions if they truly don't know the answer but they need to attempt to figure things out.

[ceccia]

I have had a few preceptors who were drill sergeants and would laugh and smirk at you if you didn't know the answer or stuttered while coming up with something. I would freeze every time I was asked something because I had anxiety and fear of judgement. I would go home and cry because of the way these nurses were "teaching" me, and i did not learn as much as i should have because there was no trusting relationship. On the opposite side I had another preceptor who was calm and quizzed me and talked to me about her experiences but in such a nice manner, and if i didn't know the answer she was forgiving and understood. In that type of relationship where there is mutual respect, trust then you FLORISH sooo much more. :-)

same here. for my peds rotation I had a preceptor with this very type-A "we're soldiers in battle /I'll eat you alive for your own good" mentality and it was just so over the top and ridiculous. Most of what I learned on that rotation came from the secondary preceptor who I worked with 1 day a week when the hardcore nurse was off. imho people who use this over-dramatized mindset seem insecure and desperate to convince themselves and others of their own importance.

The best preceptor I had was this really easygoing mellow guy from Ireland. He had a quiet confidence, it was instantly obvious to everyone that this guy was absolutely brilliant and knew his stuff. He didn't need to hype everything up and act like he was training me for the Army. I learned a lot from him and I pushed myself because I respected him and wanted to keep his respect in return.

[LaneyB]

I haven't posted on here in years, but a few recent threads have drawn me back out.

I still remember the horrific stress of my first nursing job, which was pediatric onc/bmt. I was so nervous and absolutely sick to my stomach every day. I am so thankful after reading the threads about precepting that I had an extremely experienced and kind preceptor. It is outrageous to me that anyone would make ANY excuses for treating another human in a cruel manner. It is one thing to have high standards for your new employees and quite another thing to purposely intimidate and downgrade another person. What a horrible thing to do to another person, and reading these threads have made me vow to myself that if I am ever unfortunate enough to witness such atrocious behavior that I will speak up and do what needs to be done to stop it.

And those of you who constantly go on these threads and try to excuse your misbehavior - I am embarrassed and ashamed for you, since you obviously don't have the good sense to be embarrassed and ashamed of yourselves.

[LaneyB]

One more thing - if you didn't learn the lessons about getting along with others that you should have learned in PRESCHOOL then the rest of us with appropriate social skills will have to step up to the plate and help teach you. I think all of us should try to take a positive lesson from this and help make our work environment strong and healthy for EVERYONE - even new people.

[marie4nursing]

I am an Army veteran and the army wasn't anything like this. As a matter-of-fact, our unit was like family and we worked together for the good of all. It was a brotherhood/sisterhood and I still consider them my brothers and sisters. We slept together, lived together, ate together, worked together, played together, and willing to die together. Nursing is nothing like it.

I am a CNA working in a geriatic rehab center and if a nurse was putting down a CNA or another nurse, they will get fired on the spot. We are all on the same team and we need to build each other, not put each other down. Thats why at my job the nurses and CNAs wear the same colored scrubs to show that we are all on the same team: the nursing team. If there was a place that allowed bullying, I would quit that same day. I believe in criticism and tough love, yes, but not bullying.

In the military, I was a squad leader and trained new soldiers in my squad. I never yelled at them. I treated them like human beings with respect and found it to be more effective than riding them and yelling at them. Happy employees work more productively. They will be willing to do anything for you once you get their respect. I correct them when their wrong, discipline them when it was needed, and praise them and reward often.

Sorry but if OP was my supervisor and they did this to me or someone else, I would report them to DON immediately. Just because you have been in nursing for a long time doesn't give you the right to treat people any old way.

[kaylee.]

Training style must generally correspond to the job itself. The OP suggests that its fitting to train people to "care" by showing them intentional unkindness and oppression?

Harsh training is meant to toughen you up bc the nature of the job is harsh.

The military trains you a certain way bc you are about to experience the hardships of war and potentially inflict harm on other humans. Its so difficult and distressing for people that you have to teach and "learn" these harsh realities or you literally will not survive.

Even medicine has a correlation to a more rigid, "toughen up" style of training, bc docs have to learn to use less emotion in medical practice than they would in life.

A doc needs learn to do painful things while feeling less. like communicating a terminal illness to a patient. That is a tough skill doctors must learn.

In contrast, nursing requires us to use other skills in practice. Nurses must comfort the person and help them cope emotionally after the doc gives the terminal dx. We are allowed to care, and its a gift to comfort someone.

Sorry, nursing is not a combat zone, and to train people to harden will disable what a nurse has to do: show compassion.

We arent going to use military education to train kindergarten teachers to care for children are we? No.

[Susie2310]

What a ridiculous OP. Nursing is not the military. If you wish to receive militaristic discipline, join or stay in the marines. If you wish to dish out militaristic discipline, become a drill sergeant in the marines.

I have worked with (in my case, male, health care providers) who behaved as though they believed they were military commanders and war heroes. I believe people who have a need to act out these fantasies should do so, in military service, not in health care.