Nurses with children always go home early?

[Agatha12]

I know it is controversial topic. First I explain myself a bit. I would like to have children at some point but I dont have them at the moment as I deal with some health issues and I havent met right partner to be father.

Now main problem. Why staff with children always think that will have priority to go home on time and will refuse to stay longer if required only because they have kids? Childless staff also have plans, responsibilities or simple would like to have time to cook for a next day.

I believe some fair system should be in place. Once mothers go home early, on other occasion they stay longer and single people enjoy their time. Any thoughts? Am I wrong to think so?

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Other nurses with children are NOT going home early, they MAKE it their priority to go home on time.. you should do the same.

[TexasRN98]

Let me compare it to you like this - You know when you're younger and you ignorantly whine about things being "so unfair" and then you get older, things click and you get that "aha!" moment. THIS is just like that. You're NOT going to get it until you have kids. Parenting is not like caring for a pet or even an elderly parent, which I've done both. You are inherently responsible for vulnerable children that depend solely on us. You think parents are doing cartwheels to clock out early so they can go hit up happy hour with their girlfriends? Some kids have special needs, some parents don't have a partner to help them- it's called life and it gets us all eventully. But, above it all, I can guarantee you that none of them leave early to go kick up their feet and watch Netflix; their hardest job begins the minute they clock out of said hospital. You're a nurse - where is your compassion and understanding? Try extending them the same grace you would want given to you, because karma has a funny way of making you eat humble soup once the tables have turned.

[Julius Seizure]

Let me compare it to you like this - You know when you're younger and you ignorantly whine about things being "so unfair" and then you get older, things click and you get that "aha!" moment. THIS is just like that. You're NOT going to get it until you have kids. Parenting is not like caring for a pet or even an elderly parent, which I've done both. You are inherently responsible for vulnerable children that depend solely on us. You think parents are doing cartwheels to clock out early so they can go hit up happy hour with their girlfriends? Some kids have special needs, some parents don't have a partner to help them- it's called life and it gets us all eventully. But, above it all, I can guarantee you that none of them leave early to go kick up their feet and watch Netflix; their hardest job begins the minute they clock out of said hospital. You're a nurse - where is your compassion and understanding? Try extending them the same grace you would want given to you, because karma has a funny way of making you eat humble soup once the tables have turned.

Parenting is absolutely one of the hardest and most exhausting and most important jobs that there is! However, OP has not currently decided to take that job upon themselves. When/if OP does decide to become a parent, then all the responsibilities (and joys) of parenthood will be theirs. Not before. I don't think OP is suggesting that parents are doing cartwheels as they go home to watch Netflix. That isn't the point at all. The point is that being a non-parent does not make one's time any more or less deserving of consideration.

[JKL33]

Let me compare it to you like this - You know when you're younger and you ignorantly whine about things being "so unfair" and then you get older, things click and you get that "aha!" moment. THIS is just like that. You're NOT going to get it until you have kids. Parenting is not like caring for a pet or even an elderly parent, which I've done both. You are inherently responsible for vulnerable children that depend solely on us. You think parents are doing cartwheels to clock out early so they can go hit up happy hour with their girlfriends? Some kids have special needs, some parents don't have a partner to help them- it's called life and it gets us all eventully. But, above it all, I can guarantee you that none of them leave early to go kick up their feet and watch Netflix; their hardest job begins the minute they clock out of said hospital. You're a nurse - where is your compassion and understanding? Try extending them the same grace you would want given to you, because karma has a funny way of making you eat humble soup once the tables have turned.

What is your response to someone who doesn't desire to raise his/her own family, ever, and meanwhile has a full life - with other responsibilities/obligations and goals?

You are way off-base here. I'm surprised it hasn't come up already in this thread: Parents' situations are not inherently part of a coworker's responsibility. Now you've made a charge of no compassion essentially only based on the idea that someone else doesn't have the same life circumstance as you. Earlier in the thread she was told to get a different job if she didn't "like it."

Here's something cool I've witnessed: Nurse with young children is scheduled for upcoming holiday shift. Nurse without children says, "Hey, I can work that, you know - the only thing I have going on is spending the day with my family; I don't have little kids." Nurse with children says, "That's so sweet, but you deserve your turn to celebrate the holiday however you want!" I thought that was pretty upstanding on both of their parts.

"Compassion and understanding" might be demonstrated by a nurse without children relieving a nurse who does have children when one of them are hurt or need her attention at home. But "compassion and understanding" does not mean giving report dead last and thus staying late most days because one has no children. Compassion and understanding are also not things that one typically gets to demand for their own self-serving reasons.

[HeySis, BSN, RN]

If you work in the US....

1. It is illegal for your employers to not pay you for the time spent on the clock.

2. It is illegal to work off of the clock.

This should be addressed with your employer ASAP.... if they refuse I would report to the Department of Labor.

And while I am a single mom and getting home is super important to me, It does not make me first out... that rotates on our unit based on several factors (time in, length of shift, if you were in after midnight d/t on call and who placed request for early out on the calendar first). We all work the same amount of holidays.

I will always ask for what is best for me and my family... I would expect others to do the same. In other words, you need to advocate for yourself.

If there has to be a choice in who gets out on time and who doesn't when everyone works the same shift and has relief.. then the system is broken. In that case you can either advocate for a specific fix to the system or go find one that isn't broken and work there.

And while I understand the needs of parents to pick kids up on time and be able to call out for a sick kid, I also think it's their responsibility to find employment/employer that has policies and systems in place to allow for that to happen, not hope they can work a system to their advantage.

I also worked lots of holidays with kids and you know what's brilliant... little kids don't know the date unless you tell them! Assigned to work Christmas I would tell my kids that it was Christmas eve on the 23rd or the 26th of December and we'd get up the next morning and do Christmas. They never knew. Now my kids are teens... to them it's important to keep traditions, have the right foods, PJ's the night before Christmas, spending uninterrupted time together... but they are understanding if the day those traditions are kept have to be flexible.

I will always put my family first... but that doesn't mean I don't miss things. It also doesn't mean my rights and responsibility to my employer or my employer responsibilities to me are any different then those of a single/non-parent.

[MunoRN, RN]

Probably, I should have described situation clearer. When I worked on the floor, we had a silly bedside handover, which means the coming staff were going from one room to another to receive the report about all the patients. It means that the last nurse will leave a job even 30min later or more, but the first one might finish couple of minutes earlier. And now who was saying that wants to be the first nurse to give the report? obviously mothers because they will always use the argument " I have kids to collect" that single childless person cannot beat. Important to mention, that people who had to overstay are not paid for this time. I know this is managment problem and I advocated to change it but unfortunately there is no will from managment for a change. I left but it sticks in my mind, why those nurses with kids cannot accept that sometimes they will give priority to single person and sometimes they will go first. Also I witnessed situation when nurses took personal call in the moment when It was important to do something for patient, for example checking narcotics together so pain medication are not delayed.. When I pointed out that it is not the moment for personal call, I was told that I dont understand because I dont have kids.

I really dont find it professional and also it is unpleasant to be told that you dont have kids so you can stay longer or you have no right to correct someone.

Once you are no longer being paid you leave, there is no obligation whatsoever that you stay beyond that point in time. So you're complaining that you're having to stay longer than people with kids are even though are aren't actually having to stay.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Probably, I should have described situation clearer. When I worked on the floor, we had a silly bedside handover, which means the coming staff were going from one room to another to receive the report about all the patients. It means that the last nurse will leave a job even 30min later or more, but the first one might finish couple of minutes earlier. And now who was saying that wants to be the first nurse to give the report? obviously mothers because they will always use the argument " I have kids to collect" that single childless person cannot beat. Important to mention, that people who had to overstay are not paid for this time. I know this is managment problem and I advocated to change it but unfortunately there is no will from managment for a change. I left but it sticks in my mind, why those nurses with kids cannot accept that sometimes they will give priority to single person and sometimes they will go first. Also I witnessed situation when nurses took personal call in the moment when It was important to do something for patient, for example checking narcotics together so pain medication are not delayed.. When I pointed out that it is not the moment for personal call, I was told that I dont understand because I dont have kids.

I really dont find it professional and also it is unpleasant to be told that you dont have kids so you can stay longer or you have no right to correct someone.

This right here is the problem. Report must take however long the overlap is; if bedside is that important, more effort should be made to keep the group of pts consistent, so that one nurse isn't giving report to several nurses. If they can't manage to make it doable during that half hour overlap, then their method does NOT WORK.

Also if you are in the US and an hourly paid employee, the hospital MUST pay for extra time. It is not optional. They are violating labor law if they require off-the-clock work.

[Taina33]

I agree with hppygr8ful. Family comes first, especially our children. Why have children if you're not gonna be there for them? When you decide to have children, your whole life changes and you have to rearrange your time to make room for them. Thats why wome who are "super" career minded tend to not have children, not want them so they can compete with men on the corporate ladders, or just have them later. And then they have nannies raise their children cuz they always have to work late or travel. I saw myself about to make that mistake and just went a got a job less stressful, no travel, more family friendly. We are women, we have the right to pursue self fulfillment through career accomplishment, and we have the right to fulfil our desire to be mothers. We are valuable assets to any work place. I would hate to work in a place where i am resented because i need to leave to care for my sickly child. And then when you dont take care of them, you get accused of niglect. Leave your little one home alone, or sick because of what jealous co-workers say, and see how quickly you get a neglect or child endangerment charge. If they want women in the workplace, they need to value what we bring to the table, and accommodate everything that comes with being a woman. Even if that's chocolate, PMS and babies. Lol

[LovingLife123]

This doesn't seem like a fair argument. That single person might have five dogs to feed and provide vet care for. They might have family members to support or even just to buy gifts for. They might have a retirement account that they are working towards funding. They might have student loans to pay. Maybe they are saving up money for a vacation. Every person's life looks different. Whatever their reason for needing to work, it isn't less real than your son's $60 jeans and $400 basketball league.

I think you missed my point. My was I can't go home early because I have bills to pay. The OP asserts that all the moms want to leave early to get to our kids. My point is, I never ask to leave early because I can't afford to. I'm sure many other moms are in the same boat. I need all the money to pay for all the things!!

[LovingLife123]

I think a lot of people are missing points in here. The OP is stating that moms are basically getting special considerations and expecting them because we have families. I don't find that to be true.

I work my holidays every year and never say Well, I shouldn't have to work Christmas, I have kids. I've never asked to leave early. I'm there later than most to finish up my work, while all the single girls on my unit go out for a drink after work. I would never think to say a word about that. My work, is my work to get done.

I need the money. That's why I work. Otherwise, I would stay home to raise my kids and maybe have a couple of more. I think that's why pretty much all of us work, single or with a family. I also love my coworkers and the interactions.

I do take a personal phone call here or there for my family. It's done discreetly and not at the nursing station or in a room. It would frankly tick me off to find out that somebody was monitoring how many phone calls I take. If I have a sick kid and the school calls me while I'm working, I have to then make arrangements for somebody to pick them up and get them home as I can't. If my husband runs my baby to the doctor, I need him to call me and tell me how the appointment went.

As I stated before, I thought the OP was going to complain about bigger issues that she was having on her unit. The problems the OP is have my over report and phone calls seem petty to me.

[pixierose, BSN, RN]

well, every nurse gives report invidually and if they are 4 of them it really takes time. If you are late every shift at least 15-30min (sometimes longer) it accumulates into lots of unpaid hours. But ok if in your opinion it is only 15min then why single person always need to stay and be the last to give the report? how that is fair? let parents stay this 15min each time.. they can pick up their children later. I dont think they have any right to feel that they should always have priority because they have children.

I feel that you're taking your frustrations out on the wrong people.

When I found out that I'm working thanksgiving, Xmas and NYD, I was (and still am a bit) frustrated with my NURSE MANAGER and not so much at the other mom who c/o working only one (although I'm not her biggest fan at the moment).

It's poor management that has me (a working mom of two) working major family holidays, just like i believe it's poor management that has staff working late in your instance. It's NOT the other working parents that have *either* of us in this type of scheduling mess.

But ...

When a child is sick, I would leave work.

When my children were younger and in day care or after care, I needed to be on the road by a certain time to p/u by closing (avoiding late fees).

When I leave work now, it's to get home to my teenage children who are counting on me for dinner, rides, or hell even just security of mom being present.

My first priority is to my children. Work comes second. I'm more often able to balance this ... by making sure that my charting is done on time, report is complete and informative, and by working with my coworkers to get out on time because NO ONE wants to stay late. It's bittersweet about the holidays but if that's the worst it can get that I work in a pretty good environment.

It's a choice.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

I feel that you're taking your frustrations out on the wrong people.

When I found out that I'm working thanksgiving, Xmas and NYD, I was (and still am a bit) frustrated with my NURSE MANAGER and not so much at the other mom who c/o working only one (although I'm not her biggest fan at the moment).

It's poor management that has me (a working mom of two) working major family holidays, just like i believe it's poor management that has staff working late in your instance. It's NOT the other working parents that have *either* of us in this type of scheduling mess.

The facility where I have worked on and off for 17 years solved the holiday off problem by making it policy that if the holiday falls on a day you regularly work you work the holiday. If you can manage a trade with a co-worker then you can have it off. I just recently changed my RDO to Thursdays just so I could have Thanksgiving off. I like to cook. If I can wing it I'll get someone to work Friday for me that week so I can clean up the mess from the cooking.

As for not getting paid to stay over to take report that is just ridiculous and illegal. I was once at a new job in an LTC and was finishing some charting when a manager came to me and asked if I was still on the clock. I said yes and she told me I needed to clock out. I said "Are you telling me to stop working and go home?" "No" she replied, "I'm telling you to clock out and finish your charting then go home." I logged out of my computer, clocked out and went home. The next day the DON asked me why I had left when there was still work to finish. I told her that I did not work for free and if it was necessary to finish charting or a task I would remain on the clock and get paid as the law required. I never had anyone tell me to clock out and keep working again. Nurses need to have a good strong backbone in this matter. I don't make a habit of working over or trying to pad my paycheck. I practice good time management, chart as I complete tasks and keep my manager informed if I expect to have overtime. It has never been a problem.

On the subject of going home early for family emergencies I've done this exactly twice in 17 years. Once when my father passed away suddenly - but I still had to wait and give report to my relief from the float pool and one other time when my son was knocked unconscious during a sporting event and I had to go to the ER ASAP. On that occasion a nursing supervisor took over my assignment so I could go expediently.

We are not allowed to have cell phones on the unit and calls from schools and families need to come through the main switchboard. Getting caught with a cellphone in my facility is grounds for immediate termination. So we don't take personal calls on our own phones.

Hppy