Nurse dates doctor openly at work.

MultipurposeRN · Mar 12, 2006

I haven't read all the threads, but I'd have to see what was going on before I could really give an opinion.

There's an older doctor at work who's very affectionate w/ all the staff. Never inappropriate, just sweet and cuddly. He and I sometimes embrace and joke about running off to the South Seas together..but no one would think we were really a couple.

There's another older doc who has a nurse who's worked for him for probably at least 30+ years. They look and act like an old married couple, but both are happily married to others. He even picks her up and takes her to and from work every day.

Gompers, BSN, RN · Mar 12, 2006

There's another older doc who has a nurse who's worked for him for probably at least 30+ years. They look and act like an old married couple, but both are happily married to others. He even picks her up and takes her to and from work every day.

That's how my mom and her boss were. He was a surgeon, she ran his office. It was just the two of them together for 30 years, no one else ever worked in his office except for the two very short maternity leaves my mom took. They were best friends. They worked well together, but fought like cats and dogs (or old married couples) sometimes. To this day, they still call each other up on the phone to argue about politics! But they NEVER gave off the image of being "together" in a romantic way. Never ever would have been mistaken for a couple.

slinkeecat · Mar 12, 2006

You know,

I find it funny that the staff is worried about the love life of a Doc and Nurse. I can think of about a 10 more pressing things than if the doc is getting any!! It is no one's business. Now... get back to work...LOL

minnib · Mar 12, 2006

It's nobody's business unless it compromises patient's care and as long as they are not making out or having fights on the unit.
Moral judgements are not needed... I would stay out of it!

I agree. There sooooo many more important issues for us to worry about,(working short, pay, patient advocacy,etc,) who are we to make moral judgements on other people anyway! I want to be too focused on my pt's care and well being then to focus on who is doing whom! Statiscally 1 out of 2 married people have had (one night stands included) or are engaging in extramarital affairs...I am a married women and I know my boundries and I really do not care who does not know theirs! NO SEEMINGLY INNOCENT CUPS OF COFFEE AFTER WORK WITH CUTE MALE WORKERS!!! LMAO:nono: :lol2:

juz my 2cents!

peace to all,

MinniB

pugmum · Mar 12, 2006

JMO, but we are not the Morals Police. It shouldn't matter to us to is involved in a relationship in the workplace UNLESS that relationship becomes very obvious to all involved and disrupts the workplace for both patients and staff. If they start swapping spit or groping each other in front of patients or staff, then it becomes our business and the business of administration.

I don't happen to agree or approve with the behaviour of either of them, but no one needs my approval to live their lives the way they see fit. I have worked with two single unmarried people who began a relationship, and carried it too darn far, with smooching in the staff room, throaty mumbles about body parts, etc. and it was enough to send me to management PDQ - unprofessionalism which was disrespectful to colleagues, and was not tolerated.

I have also worked on a unit with a married physician and a married nurse who began an affair. Everyone knew about it, but they conducted themselves so professionally at work, an onlooker wouldn't have a clue. Their approval rating was in the tank, but no one had any reason to complain about their behaviour at work.

So if patient care and the smooth running of a unit is affected in any way, time for someone to get involved, but until that line is crossed, we really have no right to tell them how to live their lives - even if we disagree with what they are doing.

1happygirl · Mar 12, 2006

I think we're looking at this story about a nurse dating a married doc too much from one side. The information is also one-sided, none of us knows all the circumstances.
I for one, before passing judgment would like to know all the circumstances. What has led this married doc to dating with this nurse?
Perhaps his wife is a complete b*tch and he intends to leave somewhere in the near future and he is more happy with this nurse than with his wife.
If such were the case, than I for one, would condone or approve their relationship and simply let them be.
I think that it is not wise to judge others unless you know all the circumstances which led to this relationship.

BTW, this is off the point, but HIS behavior stands on its own. If someone is rude to you does that give you the right to be rude, etc. etc? No EXCUSES. If he was so miserable, DIVORCE his wife and THEN start dating. This is a clear cut issue. He is married. Period. It is like rationalizing any bad behavior or some other issue. Does (in this case) it really matter why----It is what it is. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I have seen this before. They probably do spend there time entranced with each other at work because of the proximity and the time factor. Their attention is focused elsewhere. It does impair their judgement.

1happygirl · Mar 12, 2006

A few years ago, one of my closest friends called me and our mutual friends to tell us that she had something "absolutely wonderful to share." We met a the home of another friend-there were 7-8 friends there, some married, some single, some divorced, some with kids, some who had no kids. The age range of friends at this time was about age 32-38. This friend revealed that she had been having a very "hot" affair with a prominent, handsome, wealthy, neurologist who had been a well know womanizer for many years at the well known and respected hospital where both worked. My friend , at this time, was married to a real sweetheart of a man, who loved her dearly and spoiled her in many ways...He even adopted the little girl that she had as a single parent, and they had a son together who was about 2-3 years old at this time...My friend apparently was seeking the opinions (and hopefully, the unanimous approval) of us, her close friends. Surprise! I was the only woman who thought that this affair between two married people was morally wrong! Her other friends cheered her on, with opinions such as "You only live once, you might as well be with your soul mate and be HAPPY!" "Maybe the dr's wife is fat and ugly after having 6 kids; she has probably lost some of her beauty at age 50," "the dr's wife is bitchy,but the dr never had the nerve to leave her until now,so it must be right," etc. etc. I was a little upset, and weirdly enough, my friend is a practicing Catholic and I never even attend church..And on the way home, as I was driving alone and had plenty of time to think, I actually started to wonder if I was the "wrong" one. After all, my girlfriend is the one I am friends with, and shouldn't my loyalty be with her and her happiness? Complicating these thoughts was my reflection on my own marriage-I was in an abusive relationship and planning my escape-and I kept thinking how wonderful my friend's current husband was and how I would give anything to have a wonderful, loving, supportive partner...She called me the next day, obviously upset that I didn't "seem to approve." At one point, I did point out "What makes you think that the rich dr won't eventually cheat on YOU some day?" Her answer took one second, "Because he is old, his cheating days are in the past." (he was 52 years old at this time to her 32)To make a long story short, both left their partners, and in the dr's case, lost all contact with his 6 kids...eventually they married, and today they own a beautiful home and a second vacation home..they are very compatible and happy..my friend smiles from ear to ear and says things like, "I am so happy, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop," but things get better and better. She is being given opportunitites to see the world, to experience things that she never could afford..Her new husband has been a wonderful stepfather to her children(although his own kids won't have any contact with him after 10 years)...I guess my point is that even though something might seem wrong, who's to judge? Although I agree that things like affairs should not be apparent at work and definitely should be a private thing, I have now decided that I will never judge someone wrong again without waiting and seeing what the outcome is. PS. Her ex husband lives 5 minutes away, remains a sweetheart, and is an active co-parent of their two children-even will watch them so that my friend and her husband can go on a last minute cruise, etc...he even comes to the parties and other affairs that they have at their grand home!

How sad there is so much emphasis on "things", vacations, homes, cruises. I am so sad we have marginalized children. Your original responsibility is to your own kids. I see this time and time again. Crappy to your original family and then remarry--voila, superdad, supermom, etc. There are at least 6 people damaged by this and all they come in contact with. It IS your loyalty to tell your good friends the truth when they are doing something wrong. The fact that the ex-husband is still a nice guy doesn't speak to her behavior. It proves he is a better person for their children. Now she just spends more time on cruises, society parties, etc then with her own kids---how sad.

Miss Mab · Mar 12, 2006

Once the novelty wears off & he moves on (or rediscovers his marital obligation)--she'll be so scorned & humilaited, she'll most likely relocate.

I happen to be of the MYOB faction and don't generally respect adulterers but I gotta say----what century is this thought from? LMAO.. Perhaps she will also be publically stoned in the hospital cafeteria, maybe while wearing the scarlet A.

Perhaps this nurse is using him? What do we know...

By the way, will the Dr. be relocating in shame as well?

Too funny

SmilingBluEyes · Mar 12, 2006

How sad there is so much emphasis on "things", vacations, homes, cruises. I am so sad we have marginalized children. Your original responsibility is to your own kids. I see this time and time again. Crappy to your original family and then remarry--voila, superdad, supermom, etc. There are at least 6 people damaged by this and all they come in contact with. It IS your loyalty to tell your good friends the truth when they are doing something wrong. The fact that the ex-husband is still a nice guy doesn't speak to her behavior. It proves he is a better person for their children. Now she just spends more time on cruises, society parties, etc then with her own kids---how sad.

Thanks....thought I was the only one w/feelings like this. I feel for those 6 (no 7, dont' forget her adoring ex husband) people who will never the same due to these two jerks and their selfishness.

StatRNNJ97 · Mar 12, 2006

Yup...see it where I work! Doctor (married) and nurse (married) and both openly flirt. She always makes sure she cares for his patients. She gets very nasty to nurses who get assigned to his patient in labor and will change the assignment. One time in the OR she stepped in and tried to assist during a c/s. The OB on-call Dr. wrote her up and the OB doc up, but management did not do anything about it. She goes to his call room. They have been caught laying in a patient bed togather watching a movie. Of course they insist they are friends. They even went on vacation with their spouses and children - made sure they were one block away from each other. Is it my business what they do - NO, but...and I say...BUT if it affects the unit and how care is being rendered to a patient it is then everyones business! :nono:

Tweety, BSN, RN · Mar 12, 2006

That's how my mom and her boss were. He was a surgeon, she ran his office. It was just the two of them together for 30 years, no one else ever worked in his office except for the two very short maternity leaves my mom took. They were best friends. They worked well together, but fought like cats and dogs (or old married couples) sometimes. To this day, they still call each other up on the phone to argue about politics! But they NEVER gave off the image of being "together" in a romantic way. Never ever would have been mistaken for a couple.

People can sometimes be catty. We have a nurse/doc team that are both happily married to other people, but work well together and are good, if not best friends. Never once have I seen them act romantically, but still people talk...........

Tweety, BSN, RN · Mar 12, 2006

Ive never seen any doctor capable of making my "life and job" hell. whether he wanted to or not.

Good point. Doctors may think they have that power, but they don't. It's sad that some nurses give that power to them and allow them to dictate how they behave. I had one get so upset over something, he demanded a meeting with the manager and "would have my job". Yeah right. :uhoh3: