Nurse dates doctor openly at work.

miss_fit · Mar 10, 2006

I wonder how things would be different if they were both nurses?

RNZenpeaceful · Mar 10, 2006

A few years ago, one of my closest friends called me and our mutual friends to tell us that she had something "absolutely wonderful to share." We met a the home of another friend-there were 7-8 friends there, some married, some single, some divorced, some with kids, some who had no kids. The age range of friends at this time was about age 32-38. This friend revealed that she had been having a very "hot" affair with a prominent, handsome, wealthy, neurologist who had been a well know womanizer for many years at the well known and respected hospital where both worked. My friend , at this time, was married to a real sweetheart of a man, who loved her dearly and spoiled her in many ways...He even adopted the little girl that she had as a single parent, and they had a son together who was about 2-3 years old at this time...My friend apparently was seeking the opinions (and hopefully, the unanimous approval) of us, her close friends. Surprise! I was the only woman who thought that this affair between two married people was morally wrong! Her other friends cheered her on, with opinions such as "You only live once, you might as well be with your soul mate and be HAPPY!" "Maybe the dr's wife is fat and ugly after having 6 kids; she has probably lost some of her beauty at age 50," "the dr's wife is bitchy,but the dr never had the nerve to leave her until now,so it must be right," etc. etc. I was a little upset, and weirdly enough, my friend is a practicing Catholic and I never even attend church..And on the way home, as I was driving alone and had plenty of time to think, I actually started to wonder if I was the "wrong" one. After all, my girlfriend is the one I am friends with, and shouldn't my loyalty be with her and her happiness? Complicating these thoughts was my reflection on my own marriage-I was in an abusive relationship and planning my escape-and I kept thinking how wonderful my friend's current husband was and how I would give anything to have a wonderful, loving, supportive partner...She called me the next day, obviously upset that I didn't "seem to approve." At one point, I did point out "What makes you think that the rich dr won't eventually cheat on YOU some day?" Her answer took one second, "Because he is old, his cheating days are in the past." (he was 52 years old at this time to her 32)To make a long story short, both left their partners, and in the dr's case, lost all contact with his 6 kids...eventually they married, and today they own a beautiful home and a second vacation home..they are very compatible and happy..my friend smiles from ear to ear and says things like, "I am so happy, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop," but things get better and better. She is being given opportunitites to see the world, to experience things that she never could afford..Her new husband has been a wonderful stepfather to her children(although his own kids won't have any contact with him after 10 years)...I guess my point is that even though something might seem wrong, who's to judge? Although I agree that things like affairs should not be apparent at work and definitely should be a private thing, I have now decided that I will never judge someone wrong again without waiting and seeing what the outcome is. PS. Her ex husband lives 5 minutes away, remains a sweetheart, and is an active co-parent of their two children-even will watch them so that my friend and her husband can go on a last minute cruise, etc...he even comes to the parties and other affairs that they have at their grand home!

QuigRN · Mar 10, 2006

I just have to put my .02 in here. I worked in a hospital where the nurses were always dating the residents. They always kept it off the floor. I worked in another place where a nurse and a PATIENT were hot and heavy and he was long term (ALS). That was REALLY uncomfortable. We all knew when the door was closed to stay out...nuff said. In the recent past I had a nurse who flirted outrageously with the docs and I was totally embarrassed by that - she was always showing her cleavage and rubbing up against them...uuugggggggggg. So way over the top and unprofessional.

So my opinion is go ahead but keep it out of the workplace!! :nono:

Tri · Mar 10, 2006

What do you think about a nurse who dates the doctors she works with. We have a nurse in our unit that is doing that. It is quite embarrasing when relatives of the patients are asking how long they have married. When doctor is actualy married to someone else. Our unit has brought this to the attention of the unit manager, but she does not share our concerns. Is this right.[/quote
It's morally wrong what she is doing, but
It's none of your business. Don't pry in areas that don't concern you.

Geeg · Mar 10, 2006

I would be afraid to get cozy with docs, they never use BSI. They are walking germ repositories, esp the surgeons.

MMARN, BSN, RN · Mar 11, 2006

What do you think about a nurse who dates the doctors she works with. We have a nurse in our unit that is doing that. It is quite embarrasing when relatives of the patients are asking how long they have married. When doctor is actualy married to someone else. Our unit has brought this to the attention of the unit manager, but she does not share our concerns. Is this right.

Obviously, they are being way too unprofessional at the work area. I'm not sure if it is affecting patient care, but it's not good to have them be too open about their personal relationship.

That was about the professional side. Now, as for the REAL problem here:

They're both completely disgusting. Does she know that he's married? If she does, then she's dirt. He's even bigger dirt! Sorry, I can't help but feel this way b/c I've been through this before.

Professional advice:

Call HR. They have no business flaunting their relationship in front of the patients.

Personal advice:

They need help.

Gompers, BSN, RN · Mar 11, 2006

I wonder how things would be different if they were both nurses?

We have a nurse and a respiratory therapist on our unit that have gotten together, and it isn't any better. She is recently divorced, and there is no way she'd ever get back with her husband. He is married, but his wife has a terminal, degenerative illness and lives out of state with her mother. He has custody of their children. They are openly a couple after hiding it for over a year. It's very uncomfortable for all of us at work, because he IS married. What kind of message is that sending both of their children? We just don't approve of him doing this without getting even a separation from his wife, so there is some tension whenever either of them is around. Our unit has been around for 30 years and is very close-nit. A big reason that many people have stayed for those 30 years is that we work so well as a team, it's a very wonderful environment usually. So you throw some moral tension in there...it's disturbing our usual cohesive balance.

Either way, if the patients are noticing it, they are being unprofessional.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Mar 11, 2006

YEs, i agree, when the pts. notice it, it's over the line.

yadda_yadda_yadda, LPN, LVN · Mar 11, 2006

Most places have policies regarding "Public Display of Affection"

Outside the hospital, I bet he wouldn't acknowledge this nurse in such a way---he'd be too afraid some social contact he & his wife share may see & report back to her.

Chances are, this nurse is merely the "Flavor of the Day"...he probably has dalliances with his office staff, much like he does her. Once the novelty wears off & he moves on (or rediscovers his marital obligation)--she'll be so scorned & humilaited, she'll most likely relocate.

He, of course, will lose the respect of the staff once the dust settles.

In many places, this behavior would fall under the 'umbrella' of Sexual Harassment. Most people are under the impression that sexual harassment policies are only for direct actions. Exposing patients, coworkers, other hospital staff to their soap opera romance is INDIRECTLY offensive. How awkward for patients to even comment on it!

Good nurse, bad nurse--irregardless! She's obviously got some issues with time management & her job description to be promoting a romance that patients notice!

I'd consider approaching it from this angle, as it is definitely work-place INappropriate. Possibly mention to the NM that a lot of time is being spent socializing-- and could better spent on patient care & doing her share of the work. (If she were busy nursing, no one--especially patients-- would be asking about her social life)

:twocents:

mismissy69 · Mar 11, 2006

I personally feel it's no one's business what goes on in their personal life. If he has a wife, he's the one that has to deal with the consequences, the sad thing is his wife may already know and just dosen't care to do anything about it. I noticed that sometimes when women have a successful husband and is living comfortably they over look alot of things. It's sad but true. I would stay out of it because that Dr could make your life and job hell if he wanted to. I've seen it happen.

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Mar 11, 2006

I personally feel it's no one's business what goes on in their personal life. If he has a wife, he's the one that has to deal with the consequences, the sad thing is his wife may already know and just dosen't care to do anything about it. I noticed that sometimes when women have a successful husband and is living comfortably they over look alot of things. It's sad but true. I would stay out of it because that Dr could make your life and job hell if he wanted to. I've seen it happen.

Ive never seen any doctor capable of making my "life and job" hell. whether he wanted to or not.

Workplace relationships should never happen, if they do then one should leave and work elsewhere. Thats the way I was taught in the old days by my instructors. and I still feel thats good advice for all.

mismissy69 · Mar 11, 2006

Ive never seen any doctor capable of making my "life and job" hell. whether he wanted to or not.
Workplace relationships should never happen, if they do then one should leave and work elsewhere. Thats the way I was taught in the old days by my instructors. and I still feel thats good advice for all.

I dont know how it is where you are but here where I am Buffalo Ny, Dr's can do no wrong. I have worked in many hospitals and know how some Dr's can be and how much they get away with. It seems they value them more than the others on the health team and why, because they are the ones that are bringing in the money. When I was working in the ER this one particular Dr was always making sexual jokes and very touchy feely with the Nurses. One nurse in particular didnt like it at all and I asked why she didnt report it and her answer was they would fire her before they fired him. I dont think this is fair. There was another incident where a Dr was writing prescriptions for another employee to sell and he would make a profit from it. Well when the you know what hit the fan guess who got fired? The other Employee not The Physician. So IN MY OPINION, and thats what it is It's best to mind your own business. He has to answer to his actions and so does she not anyone else. I prefer to focus my attention on Pt care not on what my co worker and the Dr is doing. As long as it dosent affect me or my license Im staying out of it. I realize that we are all individuals and have different opinions so lets just agree to disagree :)