Nobody Likes Me. Everyone Hates Me.

So before we go off and eat some worms, lets think about the differences in how to communicate effectively. Let's think about how work and non-work are 2 entirely different lives. And lets think about the meaning behind being a nurse. The patient.

Nobody Likes Me. Everyone Hates Me.

There has been more than one discussion about nurses who are feeling hated. That someone over them calling the shots are nasty, mean and give one all the "hard" patients. The behavior is such that it does happen. In many units, every day. But to tie an emotion onto it and project it as hateful serves little purpose than to drive a nurse mad.

It is eye opening to get into the working world and realize that difficult people exist everywhere. That sometimes no matter what good intentions on your part, that the people who we are tasked with are difficult. Most of us think we leave that all behind in school. Unfortunetely, it becomes part of the workplace, and this is where it gets sticky.

I have said many times, and I abide by this, that people who you work with are not your friends. You can leave your shift and go right back to your life, and not have to deal with anyone from work again until your next shift. Not to say there's not friendships that come from working with someone. There are. However, being mindful and careful are not bad things. Terms such as being a "doormat" or being "eaten" or any other emotional term for how one perceives to be treated can apply to one's personal life, but does little in one's nursing life then to be a stressor.

If you get into a mindset that you are not focused on how a coworker perceives you as a person, but mindful of how your patients see you as their nurse, then this is worth its weight in gold. It takes focus, communication, knowing your limits, negotiate if you have to. Non emotionally, just factually.

It does take being aware, being responsive, and communicating. Open your mouth and speak up. If you are feeling overwhelmed, say so. But with that statement needs to come a solid request. To say that you are feeling overwhelmed is less effective and does no good if you don't follow that up with "could you do xyz" to the person in charge.

We all want patients to be in a place where they are able to function. We all want to be careful and mindful in documentation, in assessments, and generally providing the best practice that we can. In this newer nursing world of scripting, communication can and does get difficult. To convey what you mean, you need to be clear. No one is a mind reader, not even your charge nurse (and sometimes, thankfully...).

To be able to ask for what you need, you also need to be aware of how to do that. When you go over the plan of care with your patient, you can likely go over the plan of care with the CNA. If you do not have a CNA available, then you need to think about what you tell a patient, and try to stick to it. As your shift goes on, find your charge nurse, and update. Be clear on the needs of your patients, and what you need to make that happen. If you are buzzing around task to task and seemingly look like you have it all under control, no one will know if you don't. But if you don't, you need to have someone to go to for help. You need to be aware of who that person is (usually your charge nurse) and specifically what they can do for your patients.

Finally, sometimes the intent of a heavy load of patients is because your charge knows you can do it. And there's nurses in this world who thrive on this scenario. It doesn't mean they are a better nurse, just have their own way of doing things that work for them and the patients. Bless them, but not every nurse can do this.

Ah, and then the almighty dollar. To work nurses to the bone with multiple patients hovering around 6 or 7 or more total cares doesn't do the patients a bit of good. Calling nurses off, sending them home, or any other tactic used to get fewer nurses to do more with less is an entirely different matter. If this is the case, then you need to speak up to your union, to your DON, to the ethics hotline of your company. Safe and effective nursing care of patients is why we all do what we do. If this is impossible in your current climate and culture, then use your voice.

Effective communication, making the needs of the patient known, and to speak up about limitations on what you are able to do are all important factors in one's nursing practice.

We can not and should not get caught up in the personalization of what ultimately is patient oriented care.

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jadelpn

About jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B

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Specializes in Oncology, Ortho/trauma,.

Could not agree more. I told one of my fellow coworkers last week as she started to complain about her pt load "Are you just frustrated and want to vent to me so that I am here just to listen? Or are you asking for help and bringing solutions to this issue? If it is venting I can give you 5 minutes then you will need to talk to the manager or someone else who may have time to listen. If it is for help I am here, tell me what you need"

I have stopped counting how many pt so-and-so has in comparison with me. It is my own responsibility to speak up or ask for help if the 7th patient is too much ect....

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

.... guess I''l go eat worms:roflmao:

I am mystified by people that complain that their instructor/charge nurse/coworker isn't warm and fuzzy all the time.Not everyone is going to be wonderful and love you to bits. But you have to learn to work with these people and "play nice" even if they don't.

and yes, if you are feeling overwhelmed or dumped on you have to speak up. I think sone people just feel they are being persecuted no matter what.

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Specializes in Dialysis.

Its healthcare, we deal with people from all walks of life with various attitudes. Not everyone is going to be warm and fuzzy!

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
Could not agree more. I told one of my fellow coworkers last week as she started to complain about her pt load "Are you just frustrated and want to vent to me so that I am here just to listen? Or are you asking for help and bringing solutions to this issue? If it is venting I can give you 5 minutes then you will need to talk to the manager or someone else who may have time to listen. If it is for help I am here, tell me what you need"

This. :yes:

If anything, this is my best "script" ever: "What can we use as a solution?" "let's figure this out."

If one doesn't speak up, how is anyone going to know it's unsafe??? That is more of a problem than someone "liking you"; once people can understand that, the nursing world will be a better place for a percentage of nurses struggling with internalizing personally, instead of internalizing professionally.

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Specializes in CCM, PHN.

I, too have my own silent "policy" of listening to co-workers "vent" for only a few short minutes. Then I will interject and ask "so when you brought this up to your charge, what did she say?" Or "so tell me how you'll phrase this on a grievance form for the shared governance committee." Or "and when you contacted your union rep, how did they respond?" It usually stops them in their tracks & they look dumbfounded. Sometimes I might even throw down a "so let's come up with some ideas to solve this issue together......you have some written down already, right?"

This practice has "trained" many co-workers of mine to not come to me to just piddle & moan, and also see me as a "solutions" person they can get good ideas from.

That being said, I'm not totally heartless. Certainly if they are really down about a patient death or difficult family, or battling a well-known jerk doctor or have a serious personal problem they need to really process, I understand their need to talk it out. But I've been in this long enough to know the difference. When they're just being "princesses" and taking every little stupid thing personally and peeing in the sandbox at each other, I am pretty ruthless in my approach - and do my best to make them put a cork in it and figure out how to fix it!

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Specializes in med, surg,trauma, triage, research.

Thank you jadelpn, never a truer word was spoken, I did not know what the term "eaten" meant until you explained it there...but yes, people you work a day with, a shift with, are no more your "friends" than anyone else, I think as nurses we can be naive as we want the happy ending the camaraderie but sometimes you have to accept that as soon as you walk out that door the knives have your name on them, not all colleagues are like this, but be cautious as not all are your friends. Some people just thrive on making others seem small, they are the worst kind of ignorant and you can only wonder what they think of vulnerable patients...

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I guess we all need to deal with someone who doesn't really like us. We need to get along with these people. Learn to accept them for who they are and communicate. They are part of the team. And let's just focus in providing care to patients. :)

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I couldn't agree more. I like the part about changing your own mindset rather than waiting for them to realize how nasty they are treating you. It is also true that your coworkers are not your friends and it is very important to be cautious and wary of the things you could say that they may use to stab you in the back.

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Specializes in Surgery.

Nursing is a hard profession and those that enter into it must develop a "thick skin". I left patient nursing last year and went into the business world of medical devices and education and the same issues exist there as well. The difference? Length of contact. I am typically in contact with individuals for an hour or less before I move on to the next task. As a nurse, especially a floor nurse, you are in contact with each other for hours on end and must develop coping skills to deal with difficult situations, be it another nurse or a patient. Remember that the patient probably isn't having the best day either (They are in the hospital after all). Take time for yourself, do not stay on the unit during breaks, go for a walk if possible , or just to the coffee shop or something but remove yourself from the stressor for a short time, it will help. The biggest thing to remember is that every nurse has had these same issues at some point in their career and it is best to discuss them, not pick at each other until it festers like an MRSA boil. If we don't take care of each other, no one else will either.

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My favorite statement from nurses is "I am here for my patients, and I am not here to be your friend (stating to a coworker)." This statement deflates the idea of teamwork. I do not like it when people talk like this. Think about it, if you are only here for your patients, you do not promote the idea of teamwork. We are here for our patients first, coworkers second, and the enterprise third. We need to remove the idea that we are not meant to be friends with our coworkers. We need to have a positive relationship with our coworkers that promotes unity and respect. Patients like to see staff members work together and get along. They don't need to subject to talk about bad employees.

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My favorite statement from nurses is "I am here for my patients, and I am not here to be your friend (stating to a coworker)." This statement deflates the idea of teamwork. I do not like it when people talk like this. Think about it, if you are only here for your patients, you do not promote the idea of teamwork. We are here for our patients first, coworkers second, and the enterprise third. We need to remove the idea that we are not meant to be friends with our coworkers. We need to have a positive relationship with our coworkers that promotes unity and respect. Patients like to see staff members work together and get along. They don't need to subject to talk about bad employees.

We need a positive team work oriented working relationship with our co-workers, we do not, however, need to be friends.

All of us depend on each other to have our backs when the chips may be down. That doesn't mean we have to be besties with whom we work with.

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