No time off for new dad!!

pagandeva2000, LPN · Jul 22, 2009

I am a bit confused, what does your boyfriend do for a living?

In any event, it seems important to the both of you that this is experienced together, so, I would probably suggest getting a doctor's note so he can be present for the blessed event. What I worry about, however, is that because he already asked for this time off, even coming in with a note may not excuse him (that is what happens at my job). Also, I am wondering if they are being hard orifices because he is not married (not that it makes a difference because he is still expecting a child-but some companies don't honor situations where people are not married). It appears that he has many issues with this facility and he's doing the right thing to leave if greener pastures appear.

I sincerely hope that he is able to be present for the birth and most importantly, he can move on to another place. Best of luck!

NursingStudent5548 · Jul 22, 2009

Sorry the boyfriend is a CNA at a CATHOLIC, nursing home...

He is a Catholic himself... We are not married but engaged to be... and if not for time and money would be getting married (date set).

We are still planning on getting married but with us both being full time students and working full time to make ends meat, we definetly can't afford a wedding nor do we have the time to plan for one.

I know we could just go to a court house but we feel that is a special occasion that should not be rushed or disregarded.

I am also currently pursuing the path of becoming a Catholic we want to be married in a Catholic church and have our child baptised at a Catholic church.

The latter is being arranged and will occur.

He pulled the code of conduct for the facility printed material in the HR office. IT states concerns to call two different people so we will be doing that tomorrow.

We also would like to inform them, that they are not following the code of conduct expected of him and their employees and how could they expect everyone else to follow a code they themselves do not.

It says things like, treating each other with dignity, respect, self-worth. Promoting a balance between family/personal life and work life. A promise to use each others gifts, skills, and wisdom to serve those being served and those providing service.

Its disgusting to think a Church run facility, for a faith that encourages reproduction. Disagrees with birth control, and abortion.

This is why they don't look negatively upon us, because we are planning to get married asap, we didn't use birth control, and didn't opt for an abortion. We have faced our sin of premartial sex and our addressing it.

We have decided we will gather a HONEST Dr. note from my OB/GYN stating he was present for the birth of his child.

We have also decided we will keep that attached with a copy of his birth certficate in case he ever needs evidence of why he recieved a suspension.

We feel honestly the suspension is a "negatively looked upon form of unpaid leave" which is all we honestly asked for.

They are short handed because they have such a high turn over. So I am sure they will be glad to have him return to work on Monday. Where he will continue showing up on time, as scheduled.

We are also willing to accept the the suspension because we feel confident that any place hiring him in the future would look at the date the suspension took place, and reason to be nothing short of pitiful. (Especially considering a Dr's statement he was present for the birth of his son)

Baloney Amputation, BSN, LPN, RN · Jul 22, 2009

Okay, in cutting through the text clutter, I just wonder why on earth he continues to work there? I bet his work will be very ungracious when your baby is sick and needs someone to stay home. Please consider this.

A wedding is a single day; the marriage is the important thing to worry about. You can spend $100 on a wedding and you'll still be just as married as a nimrod who spent $100,000.

I don't know why, but I feel like we're not getting the whole story...

Cherybaby · Jul 22, 2009

I have to agree with applescruffette's reply. I feel like we aren't getting a full story here or if so, it is a very slanted viewpoint. There is no reason under the sun why your boyfriend should have been denied a day or two off for the birth of his child. Blaming this on the catholic churches boundaries or the fact that you work for a catholic faith based facility is just silly. At this point, calling in sick would be nonsense because he already made his intentions to be off for the day known. Getting a doctors note is also a ridiculous option and will be frowned upon for the sheer dishonesty.

The other thing I don't really understand is if you are so concerned as to how his catholic based facility is looking upon your "situation", why would you want him to continue to work there? Frankly, I still maintain that it probably has nothing to do with it. There are certain restrictions and restraints that get put upon all of us as fairly new employees. One is that of a probationary period. It happens...so if he is going to get suspended for telling the truth...or suspended for telling a lie...either way it goes, he is going to be suspended. Why not just go about it honestly? From your original post, it sounds like his work has been called into question a few times. I suspect that probably has more to do with it than anything involving religion.

And about getting married? Why wait until you can make ends meet? Fifty bucks and two people who are in love is all it takes. Like someone else said...it's the marriage that counts. I got married in a three ring circus my first time...300 people. By the time I got done kissing everyone hello, I was kissing everyone goodbye. That marriage lasted 1 year. This time around, we went to the courthouse...paid our little filing fee, bought a few roses...wore tshirts and jeans. Had our first meal as a married couple at the local IHOP and stayed one night in a Marriott hotel as our honeymoon.

10 years later...we look back at those "lean year" marriage pics and laugh. We wouldn't trade it for the world.

Good luck on the birth of your baby. It should be a blessed event without all the stress and strife you are going through over your boyfriends job. Take it easy. Stress isn't good for a new mommy or a new baby. :heartbeat

jschut, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2009

I have to agree that all the pomp and circumstance is nothing but a wad of fluff in my book.

1st marriage.... 18 months.

Marriage now.....11 years and stronger than ever. And we got married at our Ministers house. He was elderly, ill, and by far our best friend, so we stood by his living room chair and he asked us if we did, we said, we do, and it was done.... :)

florianslove · Jul 22, 2009

Amen, amen. First wedding, big too doo. Horrible marriage, Second wedding, our front yard a few close friends and family, great marriage, going strong on 7 years.

I think I'm showing my age here, but why would you get pregnant and not go to the courthouse to get married? Don't do it for the church, do it for you and your baby. I guess I think you have things a bit backward.

Good luck

Roxann

mrsraisinkain · Jul 22, 2009

I am yet another story of 1st marriage - fancy big wedding, marriage lasted 6 months... 2nd marriage got married on the Vegas strip just the two of us and look back on the wedding as the most intimate thing we could have done.

As far as becoming Catholic to have the big wedding to make the occasion more special, honey you've already thrown tradition out the window with the baby before marriage, why try and save it now? Catholics may not use birth control, but they certainly believe in exercising abstinence before marriage. I hate to tell ya, but as the mother of two kids, if you never had the money to get married before, it's not going to be easier financially after the baby comes!

As everybody has said he can't call in sick for those days now. Doesn't he have any PTO days to use? Has he had excessive call-ins already? It's so odd his employer wouldn't be more sympathetic to the fact his baby is about to be born if he has been such an exemplary employee. I think now he'll just have to be an unexcused absence, take the suspension, and use that time to hunt for a new job!

Good luck on Thursday and congratulations!

bluesnurse · Jul 22, 2009

Sorry, but I'm going to be blunt here.

First of all, your boyfriend's employer is a business. It doesn't matter who runs it or what their mission statement says. It may or may not be a rotten place to work in general, but he's about to have a baby to support and now is not the time to make demands.

Second, you are not doing yourself any favors by playing the "I'm a Catholic" card. Observant Catholics marry before they have children. You seem to expect special treatment from a church, yet you aren't walking the walk yourself. The Catholic church is not a cafeteria; you can't pick and choose which parts work for you.

Finally, you are about to become a parent. You and your boyfriend will be completely responsible for the health and well-being of this child. That is a big, big job, and it's YOUR job. Life's not fair, the world doesn't owe you anything, and you're not always going to get your way. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Because that's what your child needs, and that's what adults do.

ohmeowzer RN, RN · Jul 22, 2009

Sorry, but I'm going to be blunt here.
First of all, your boyfriend's employer is a business. It doesn't matter who runs it or what their mission statement says. It may or may not be a rotten place to work in general, but he's about to have a baby to support and now is not the time to make demands.
Second, you are not doing yourself any favors by playing the "I'm a Catholic" card. Observant Catholics marry before they have children. You seem to expect special treatment from a church, yet you aren't walking the walk yourself. The Catholic church is not a cafeteria; you can't pick and choose which parts work for you.
Finally, you are about to become a parent. You and your boyfriend will be completely responsible for the health and well-being of this child. That is a big, big job, and it's YOUR job. Life's not fair, the world doesn't owe you anything, and you're not always going to get your way. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Because that's what your child needs, and that's what adults do.

Amen...

Chapis · Jul 22, 2009

i have to agree with most of the posts here. i can't understand or believe an employer can't make an exeption to a such a big event that is going to happen which is the birth of his son. if that's the case wow-i'm speechless, but when i was pregnant with my baby, me and my husband didn't have money for a wedding, but i sure wanted our baby to be born and his parents being married, so we just paid the fee at the court house, waited the 72 hours then went and got married at the court house two days before our son was born. my husband was running late b/c work ran a little late that day so he didn't have a chance to shower or even change clothes, but it was just me and him and the judge and his mom. i still plan a church wedding, but the important thign for me was to make it legal before the birth of my son, and we did.

good luck-don't stress over it

83studentnurse · Jul 22, 2009

I am surprised to hear this story ... I can't imagine him not being able to get a single day off for the birth of his child! You have to weigh two things ... his presence at the birth of his child and his ability to keep his job (and the necessity of that job). Normally, I'd say absolutely he should tell his employer he simply cannot come to work because he cannot miss this once-in-a-lifetime event. If that means he'll be suspended, so be it. Fired? So be it. If, however, you think there's a real possibility of losing his job and not being able to find another given the state of the economy, you need to think long and hard about it. Losing a job these days can have serious consequences. You don't say when he works, but if there's no better solution, do you think you could be induced Friday? If you're induced at noon and he works until 3 he could definitely be there ... or induced in the afternoon and he works until 7. First time moms are usually in labor for 10+ hours (often more for induction -- also, if they're using Cervadil, it induction in a multi-day process). If he needs that job, see if there's a compromise short of risking his job.

Secondly, I wholeheartedly agree that you don't need to wait until you can afford a big wedding. Work on the MARRIAGE -- the wedding is just a chance for the people you love to celebrate your commitment and share in your joy (my parents have been married for nearly 30 years and have the best marriage I know -- their reception was punch and cookies in the basement of the church where they were married. Not fancy, but they were married at the end of the day, so the wedding WORKED!). I'd recommend doing premarital counseling through your church and then gather the few people you love most and go to city hall. If you want, you can always have a party afterward to celebrate with friends (and then it can just be a party instead of being a WEDDING RECEPTION -- which for some reason has to cost 20x more than any other party you'll ever throw). Or have a simple ceremony with a few close friends and relatives and serve punch and dessert around 4 p.m. At the end of the day, you will be married, which is all that matters. Then you can focus on creating a wonderful, warm and Godly home for that baby!