Need positive reinforcement- people can be so mean!

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Specializes in Medical Surgical.

Hi,

I have had 2 experiences in the past week where family members have been rude and arrogant to me. Last week I had the son of a family member tell me I needed to "do more research" on his father before I showed up at his house, and just today I had the daughter of a patient ask me if I actually do "hands on" nursing or just paperwork and that the nurse that would be there this evening would do the patient's tube feeding "right." I have done thousands of tube feeds and the daughter wanted me to do it her way, which is to stand there with the tube held high, letting gravity push the feeding in. I went to push it in with the plunger (slowly!) and she said, "do you know what you are doing??" I feel so defeated and offended and not sure what I am supposed to put up with. Most patients and their family members are so nice, but these 2 have really gotten to me! I try to be the best nurse I can, and I know what I am doing, but these people made me feel like an idiot. I feel the worst because today I did not defend myself because I do not want to lose my job, but do I have to take that? Does anyone else have any horror stories about patients/families? I need to feel better before I work again! Thanks all!:angryfire

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.
Hi,

I have had 2 experiences in the past week where family members have been rude and arrogant to me. Last week I had the son of a family member tell me I needed to "do more research" on his father before I showed up at his house, and just today I had the daughter of a patient ask me if I actually do "hands on" nursing or just paperwork and that the nurse that would be there this evening would do the patient's tube feeding "right." I have done thousands of tube feeds and the daughter wanted me to do it her way, which is to stand there with the tube held high, letting gravity push the feeding in. I went to push it in with the plunger (slowly!) and she said, "do you know what you are doing??" I feel so defeated and offended and not sure what I am supposed to put up with. Most patients and their family members are so nice, but these 2 have really gotten to me! I try to be the best nurse I can, and I know what I am doing, but these people made me feel like an idiot. I feel the worst because today I did not defend myself because I do not want to lose my job, but do I have to take that? Does anyone else have any horror stories about patients/families? I need to feel better before I work again! Thanks all!:angryfire

You are right, people can be very mean. I find that people who have a tendency toward impolite and rude behavior are more likely to act those tendencies out when you are in their "territory", the family home. If you want to survive nursing you have to develope a thick skin. Even if you were in the hospital or other setting you would have to dodge the occasional verbal attack. You cannot take the stupid things people say to heart. You have permission to ignore the boorish comments of the "son of a family member". You are allowed to giggle when the daughter asks you silly questions about your skill level. I would make sure to advise my team leader of their attitudes so that he/she is prepared for their phone calls. You and your agency will likely have a difficult time making them happy so complaint calls are a distinct possibility.

After 30 years I could definitely tell you some horror stories...but, honestly, I prefer to hang onto the good memories much tighter than the bad. Good luck.

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Specializes in Medical Surgical.

Thanks Tewdles,

I needed the reminder about the thicker skin. I will let my supervisor know, but I am worried about looking like I am incompetent! I have never had a complaint about my nursing skills yet, and what I lack in skills, I hope I make up for in compassion. It just feels wrong when a family member is verbally abusive. Thanks for the reminder that I need to relax!

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If you want to remain employed in home health and care to keep some of your sanity you will need to learn how to put most of these comments and attitudes in a special place that does not bother you so much that you can't do your job. Do it their way. Document that you are following their instructions, directions, requests, when they intentionally contradict the doctor's orders or standard nursing conventions. If they go too far in the wrong direction for you to stomach, then request to be removed from the case. And always have in the back of your mind that they could be calling the agency to complain about you and your work. And yes, you will find that clients lie to the agency about you. Just document on communication notes to the agency negative attitudes and unreasonable requests. Document your patient teaching. When the eight hour shift is up, congratulate yourself on the way home for another eight hours on the paycheck and always be on the lookout for that next case. Too bad it is like this, but nobody ever promised us the perfect clients and the perfect cases.

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Hello, momofr&b. Great advice in previous posts. This time of year brings in the 'other' family members, who come for a few days and get all haughty about it. People who attack come from a place of fear and anxiety.

Think of your mind as a window screen, not the glass. When they blow hot air, let it go through the screen. Don't let it get stuck on the glass. :specs:

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Hi,

I have had 2 experiences in the past week where family members have been rude and arrogant to me. Last week I had the son of a family member tell me I needed to "do more research" on his father before I showed up at his house, and just today I had the daughter of a patient ask me if I actually do "hands on" nursing or just paperwork and that the nurse that would be there this evening would do the patient's tube feeding "right." I have done thousands of tube feeds and the daughter wanted me to do it her way, which is to stand there with the tube held high, letting gravity push the feeding in. I went to push it in with the plunger (slowly!) and she said, "do you know what you are doing??" I feel so defeated and offended and not sure what I am supposed to put up with. Most patients and their family members are so nice, but these 2 have really gotten to me! I try to be the best nurse I can, and I know what I am doing, but these people made me feel like an idiot. I feel the worst because today I did not defend myself because I do not want to lose my job, but do I have to take that? Does anyone else have any horror stories about patients/families? I need to feel better before I work again! Thanks all!:angryfire

I used to work with this super wonderful person with a heart of gold and we both ran into people like this at times. We used to "trade" patients on occasion and it worked out very well. It was a win-win situation for all concerned. The "new" nurse was already well advised on what she was getting in to and the uncomfortable feelings with the "old" nurse vanished.

It was sort of like a good cop bad cop type of deal.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

I explain to patients that there are many "correct" ways to perform procedures. One nurse may do it one way, while another nurse may do it completely different, while both ways can be correct. I will not do something against a doc's order just to pacify a patients family member. I wont risk my license. I am the nurse and I am the one doing the procedure and I will do it my way, unless the family's request is within reason and will not harm the patient. I will try to please and comfort my patient and their family, but not by going against a doc's order or against my better judgement. Tube feeding by gravity is ok, in my opinion and if it makes them more comfy then I would probably do it that way. However I would still explain that gentle pressure with the syringe is safe and I would have literally laughed when she asked if I knew what I was doing and tried to joke it off with them. You will learn how to handle such comments without conflict and make them comfortable. And document document document defensively to protect yourself.

You do need to give your boss a heads up on the situation so they know what to expect when/if they receive a complaint. Dont let anyone make you feel incompetent. And expect this to happen more than once because there are family members like that everywhere. It used to make me feel inferior but not anymore. I had one complain about me and request another nurse. At first it hurt my feelings, but then I felt glad to be rid of them. My boss reviewed my paperwork and totally backed me up and said I followed the orders and did what I was supposed to do. I was glad to not have to deal with them anymore because they tried to treat me just as you described.

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Specializes in oncology, trauma, home health.

I know this sounds very is cliche, but those patients tend to irritate me more when I have pms.

Hang in there. Some people are so irritating. Be glad they aren't on daily wound care, like my current difficult family.

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.
I know this sounds very is cliche, but those patients tend to irritate me more when I have pms.

Hang in there. Some people are so irritating. Be glad they aren't on daily wound care, like my current difficult family.

gee, everything besides scotch and chocolate irritate me when I have pms.....and I wish I didn't have pms anymore, I'm OLD!!!

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Specializes in OB, HH, ADMIN, IC, ED, QI.

Comments such as those you endured, are more indicitive of where the people saying them, are coming from. They only stick to you, if you let them!

It was high time that the daughter was giving the tube feedings herself! That's what most families do.

The son was feeling insecure, so he wanted you to feel that way, too. Misery loves company.......

So leave them in their respective homes and get on with your life, knowing that you do your best for patients. No one can take that from you!

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My job as a Home Health nurse is to "TEACH" family and caregivers how to take care of their patient. If they think they know how to do the job better then I say that are unteachable and my job is done.

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OP,

Don't let a couple of difficult personalities rain on your parade. As one poster mentioned, if there's any way to trade off pts, that might be a good idea.

As others have said: document.

The biggest thing to keep in mind is your license.

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