Need positive reinforcement- people can be so mean!

[momofr&b]

Hi,

I have had 2 experiences in the past week where family members have been rude and arrogant to me. Last week I had the son of a family member tell me I needed to "do more research" on his father before I showed up at his house, and just today I had the daughter of a patient ask me if I actually do "hands on" nursing or just paperwork and that the nurse that would be there this evening would do the patient's tube feeding "right." I have done thousands of tube feeds and the daughter wanted me to do it her way, which is to stand there with the tube held high, letting gravity push the feeding in. I went to push it in with the plunger (slowly!) and she said, "do you know what you are doing??" I feel so defeated and offended and not sure what I am supposed to put up with. Most patients and their family members are so nice, but these 2 have really gotten to me! I try to be the best nurse I can, and I know what I am doing, but these people made me feel like an idiot. I feel the worst because today I did not defend myself because I do not want to lose my job, but do I have to take that? Does anyone else have any horror stories about patients/families? I need to feel better before I work again! Thanks all!:angryfire

[Lacie, BSN, RN]

If it's the first time I have seen a pt I usually inquire who and how they have been doing a particular procedure - first to determine what they already know and if being done properly by the caregiver. If I see teaching is needed then that's where I start off with "there are other ways to do things that are just as appropriate and I can show you and then you decide which way is easier for you and more comfortable for the patient. After all it is the PATIENT that is the priorty not the family members opinion or what's just the quickest or easiest way to do something for thier convenience. Yes you have to be thick skinned and like someone else stated "after 30 years" like me I'd rather remember the good stuff and put the nasty ones way behind me lol. (ewww the thoughts of some of those nasty ones in the past puts chills down my spine lol) After open hearts, trauma and burns and worse of all chronic dialysis think I can handle about anything they throw at me unless it's something out of an adult diaper (this has happened too) I'm fine lol.

[CloudySue]

I'm an LPN in LTC and recently started picking up shifts in HHC. I started w a very sweet teenage girl w MR and seizures. The mother was a complete control freak, very picky, constantly reminding you to do things you know to do, upset if you didn't wipe her mouth enough (she drooled incessantly, I was constantly wiping), upset if the meds were given 5 minutes too soon or too late (not an exaggeration) and so forth. The evenings went ok until bath and bedtime, she had a detailed routine that had to be kept to the letter. She was very particular about bath temp, she even had a thermometer, but could not tell me an exact temp that was ideal, saying that it depended on the weather. She watched me like a hawk and constantly barked orders and reminders of what I needed to do and how I was doing things wrong.

One evening the girl had a cold, so the mom told me to give her a short bath, instead of the usual half-hour bath. Well, I have two girls of my own, and I know how to give a fast bath! I had her scrubbed and shampooed in 5 minutes. Then... she began to seize. I took her out and got her to her bed to ride it out. Well, this mom just could not believe that I had washed her in that short time! She kept barking, "You need to tell me the truth! If she wasn't cleaned I need to know. You couldn't have washed her so quickly." And she also started blaming me for the seizure, saying that the water was too hot and that triggered it. (It really wasn't that hot. I would have put an infant in this water.) Up until that point I usually just did what she wanted, being too new to cause a fuss and give attitude. But the combination of her accusation that I was lying, and another comment "You are too nervous giving her care. She can sense that" just ****** me off and I retorted, "I have no problem giving her care. I'm fine with that. I'm trained to do that. What what makes me so nervous is I'm afraid of making the tiniest mistake and you coming down hard on me for it!" She softened a bit and tried to make excuses about her hard life, this was her daughter and she needs to talk for her because she cannot, and blah, blah, blah. I understand all that. I know she just is stressed. But I felt disrespected as a professional. I never went back again. I can take a lot of abuse and smile, but I will NOT be called a liar. And I was by far not the first nurse to quit that assignment.

[Luv2care0907]

I pretty much try to comply with the PCG's requests. I have been told by my agency that that is their policy. If I were in that situation, I would have explained to this PCG that some GT feeds are infused on a pump and that there are different ways of administering a GT feed. However, I would be happy to do it any way they like unless it causes my patient an untoward effect mentally or physically unnecessary. :)

[nursel56]

Just recently I had the parent of an adult A/Ox3 pt I've taken care of for years tell me that "nurses are spoiled and lazy and blah blah blah" because we didn't do the family's housework while we were "just sitting there". I've been to hell and back with this family. They never breathed a word of anything before. I guess they just don't understand the value a nurse brings to their child's care by our continuously assessing them and using our critical thinking skills to nip potential problems in the bud.

CloudySue - control freaks seem very common in HHC - some of it is years of built up stress with nurses who weren't so hot and the fact that she did soften is actually a good sign!! I'm glad you spoke up! It sounds like your patient is a sweetie-pie and it could work out very well once mom trusts you more and learns to relax. You might even ask her what events have got her so afraid.

I found out that homecare patients have been dropped, have had water poured into their trachea because a too tired nurse didn't switch the tubing correctly when filling the humidifier chamber for the vent, had their head pushed down so hard for a shampoo that their old-school metal trach cut the tissue and then bled out of their trach, forget to bring the portable suction machine on outings and one patient was even mooned by the nurse!!

It does not excuse her breathing down your neck the entire time, or disparaging you, though. I hope you are able to get it worked out!! :)