need help for severe depression

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I am an RN that lives for my career. I am now faced with the probability of losing the career I wanted for so long & worked so hard for.Severe depression has officially taken over. This past year has been really awful. it started with a severe fatal stoke in the family,then I had 3 herniated disks in my cervical spine and ended up with fusion, then an emergency quadruple bypass on my father in law (where I ended up the main caregiver), My son (19) had recurring bouts of undiagnosed pancreatitis followed by gallbladder surgery, I had a car wreck that left me with a herniatd disk in my lumbar spine and will probable not be able to return to my job. top that off with a disabled spouse for the last 6years. so my income was the only one. now that doesn't exist.I don't know what to do anymore. i can't seem to get anything done, nor do i want to.antidepressants don't seem to be helping now.anyone have any ideas???

I don't know where to start to update you all. I am still battling both mentally & physically. I still spend most of my time on the sofa watching tv (when I'm not in a doctors office that is). I am so unmotivated, I don't even want to be bothered to get up and eat let alone anything else.(I take it nobody has found that bottle of ambition yet. haha!) My psychotherapist is now out of the picture since my insurance will not cover it and the cost is over $100.00 per 45 minute visit. The insurance will still cover the psychiatrist though so I'll still see her. Thank GOD my son is relatively healthy right now because I had to drop him from my insurance coverage in order to be able to aford to continue it for my husband and myself. My son has is going to try to get insurance where he works since he was promoted to assistant manager two weeks ago (I am so proud of him he is only 19 and has only been working there 1 1/2 years).

I had to hide the letter that told me I no longer had a job since every time I saw it I just felt worse. The anti depressants are not making much of a difference now I believe the psychiatrist will have to add something else the next time I see her. I want to feel happy again. I am so tired of waiting! I just want my life back. I was talking to my husband the other day and was trying to explain to him what I was feeling. I just feel lost. Like I've lost my purpose in life. When I was younger I had my son to raise. When my husband got hurt I had my family to support and nursing school to finish. After school I had my patients to take care of as well as my family. Now I can't support my family and can't go to work. I've never been the type to enjoy sitting around. I can't stand it, but I have no choice now. I have always been active and can't do anything now. I just don't know what my purpose is. What I am supposed to do.

I just remembered you all are probably wondering about the labs I had done (maybe your not but here goes). I don't have rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. YAAA!! BUT, I am being sent to a rheumatologist now since I have what seems like an autoimmune/rheumatoid process going on according to my labs. My platelets and sed rate were both a little elevated and my CRP was "way up there". I guess I now have to wait (and worry as usual) and see what this MD says. Just one more monkey wrench for the toolbox right? I'll let you know on that one.

Does anyone want a good laugh? My family thinks it's funny anyway. As I have said I have OCD. Well a new obsession has popped up. I have 3-long haired dogs and 1-long haired & 1-short haired cat in the house. To the funny part--my new obsession is 'fur-balls'. I have to vacuum the carpets daily and will pick up 'fur-balls' when I am now vacuuming. I just 'have to' get them up. All the time I am picking up even the smallest 'fur-ball' I am telling my dogs and cats to stop it and telling them I am going to shave them all. Anyway they think it is funny that I am spending so much time dealing with the 'fur-balls' even tiny ones. I don't know why but I can't stop with the 'fur-balls'. I don't know what else to tell you all. Thanks to all of you I am still hanging in there. An extra thanks to all that informed 'dixielee' she was wrong in her statements to me. As a nurse and mother I do not believe coddling is what most human beings need on a 'regular' basis but, as the first respondent to my post, when I was seriously suicidal and trying to reach out for help I needed compassion and understanding not a slap in the face and a scolding which is what I felt I received. After reading her post I was ready to never return to this site and to get in the car and drive into a tree to just end it all since I couldn't just deal with it. I am very glad I did not give in to those thoughts and did return to this site. I have received so much support here I feel lucky to have found you all. I am extreemly thankful to all of you that have taken the time to share a part of yourself and try to help me. I wlll not let you all down, I will not give up. Although I occasionally still think about the car meeting the trees I promise I will not do that, For myself, for my family, and for all of you that have been so kind. Thank you Rhonda

PS--to Ginger sue I do both the ceramics and the jewelery making here at home and am starting to think about putting some of my jewelery on E-bay. I'll let you know if I ever get that done. THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU FOR ALL OF YOU HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Utilization Management.
I wlll not let you all down, I will not give up. Although I occasionally still think about the car meeting the trees I promise I will not do that, For myself, for my family, and for all of you that have been so kind. Thank you Rhonda

:icon_hug: Rhonda, please promise to remember that you have many caring people in your corner. Keep on fighting, you're doing fine.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nursing assistant.

That is a great idea to sell your jewelry on ebay! let us know when you put it on so we can look for it...

May God bless you in a special way today!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Needs Help If you cannot afford a private therapist at a $100+ per hour contact your community mental health center. You can get services on a sliding fee scale. If the fees are still too high you can petition to have them decreased further. This system has been a godsend for me. I'm basically uninsurable because of pre-existing conditions so I have had to look for other sources or sadly go without.

Socialized medicine is starting to sound better and better as these sources dry up. I'm really tired of having to do without because I cannot get insurance.

Fuzzy

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care.

Wow, now wonder you feel depressed! That said, maybe you LOVE your job because you have some kind of control over it. Now you need to learn to have control over your life. With the right meds and counseling I am sure you can. Nurses are smart people please ask your family doctor for referrals. Good luck to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi Needshelp...so glad you wrote to update us.

I had to smile about your furball story...it sounds like something I would do. Maybe its your head saying 'OK I may not be able to do everything I want, but I CAN get rid of these %! furballs"...LOL! :)

Glad you can smile about it...I need to look for things to smile about some days; and resist the overwhelming urge to negative-ize and brood.

I encourage you to look into the low cost clinics/other resources that may be available in your area, so that you can get the help you need. Your therapist should have some resources she can refer you to.

Now that my depression is lifting a bit I am seeing how my chronic pain is at the root of it...and that I need to confront that. From your posts I read that pain is a major problem for you as well...please get the help you need. Its OK to say "I can't manage this anymore" whether it is depression, pain, whatever. (it is both for me too) Funny how sometimes it is easier for nurses to apply this to others and not ourselves.

(((HUGS))) to you and keep in touch.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I feel for you.....and can relate. HUGS to you. Hang in there and keep on buggin them til the right treatment is working for you! You are worth it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I still spend most of my time on the sofa watching tv (when I'm not in a doctors office that is).

that bottle of ambition

Thank GOD my son is relatively healthy right.

My son is going to try to get insurance where he works since he was promoted to assistant manager two weeks ago (I am so proud of him he is only 19 and has only been working there 1 1/2 years).

my purpose in life

all of you that have been so kind. Thank you Rhonda

PS--to Ginger sue I do both the ceramics and the jewelery making here at home and am starting to think about putting some of my jewelery on E-bay. I'll let you know if I ever get that done. THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU FOR ALL OF YOU HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What would happen if you decide about exactly when to watch tv?

Sounds like you're getting more involved in ceramics and jewelery making, both fantastic creative endeavours.

A few months ago I met a man who has a home business both in Jewellery Design & Repair (as well as reflexology). Could you get involved in these kinds of activities?

And jewellery and ceramics are so wonderful!!

Best to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sorry I haven't been here lately. I'm not even sure where I've been lately either. Mattsmom81 I'm still fighting the '@#$%^*&' furballs. :roll Its still a never ending problem. My severe depression was lifting some a few months ago I just had no energy/motivation, so I was started on Provigil. Then my Effexor was decreased from 225mg to 150mg due to a side effect & I was put on Lexapro10mg. My pain battles have just continued, trying to find the right combinations. Currently I am on Effexor 150mg QD, Lexapro 30mg QD (FDA max is 20), Provigil 200mg BID, Oxycontin 80mg BID, Roxicodone 15mg TID, Soma 350mg QID. That's just the ones for Depression and Pain, I haven't listed my cholesterol, cardiac, and osteopenia meds. Sometimes I wonder if I just need to flush them all. Depression wise, I am definately worse with the lower Effexor. For the last few days I have been 'thinking' about all of the narcs on my table & what they would do. The pain is better controlled, I think, Ihave only been on the 80mg Oxy for a few days now. Ithink part of what is making the depression so bad this week is the insurance co. has sent me a notice saying I have to catch up with my premiums by the 20th or I'm cancelled. Well, I don't have the almost $3,000.00 they insisto on but meds alone in my house will be over two grand a month without the insurance. I have received nothing from the car accident insurance yet (they haven't even paid my medical). and I now have two MD's telling me my condition is permanent. My career as an RN is officially over :scrying: . I found this out last week. Now I am officially '@#$%^*&' lost. I don't know where to go or what to do anymore. It's like there is no purpose for my life anymore. My son is getting married soon so he'll have his wife and won't need me. Anyone have any ideas on where to go? (ha ha) I don't like being 38 and a retired cripple.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Please check out your local National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) office. They will be able to put you in touch with free or low-cost counseling. Good luck. Life IS worth living!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

I suffer from clinical depression, and it is at it's worst during the bitter winter days. I know how debilitating it can be, but you can get help. Therapy, counseling, proper diet and excersice and the right medication that works for you will help tremendously.

Seek and get all the help you can get. You are not alone in this. You are still young and have many years of dedication and enjoyment of your career ahead of you. Please take care and best wishes to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Do not expect anyone who has not been through serious depression to empathize with you. They will only tell you to "get over it" or take some vitamins and start exercising, which will in turn only make you feel worse.

Go straight to a mental health center where they can help you. I have suffered from depression since I was a young girl and I still struggle with it, and I know it has nothing to do with your decision to have the right mindset or get over it. You can't.

A lot might have to do with what you're going through right now, and you are going through a lot (I also have a husband who is disabled and it makes life ten times more stressful). Just remember that things will get better. It just takes what most of us hate to hear: patience and time.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment