need help for severe depression

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I am an RN that lives for my career. I am now faced with the probability of losing the career I wanted for so long & worked so hard for.Severe depression has officially taken over. This past year has been really awful. it started with a severe fatal stoke in the family,then I had 3 herniated disks in my cervical spine and ended up with fusion, then an emergency quadruple bypass on my father in law (where I ended up the main caregiver), My son (19) had recurring bouts of undiagnosed pancreatitis followed by gallbladder surgery, I had a car wreck that left me with a herniatd disk in my lumbar spine and will probable not be able to return to my job. top that off with a disabled spouse for the last 6years. so my income was the only one. now that doesn't exist.I don't know what to do anymore. i can't seem to get anything done, nor do i want to.antidepressants don't seem to be helping now.anyone have any ideas???

Specializes in Utilization Management.

Hi Rhonda,

So glad things are getting a little better. It's a slow process, you gain a little here and there, I'm told. But you can do it. We're here for you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi, those thoughts go with major depression you may not have OCD. There are alot of things going in your life. Stress out a piece of wood with more than it can handle it breaks. Same with human beings. That is what you are a HUMAN BEING. Do not get so caught with labels..................

I am recovering as well.......... You will get well. Find a good psychiatrist. Believe me I thought they would lock me up too.... I had some strange awful thoughts............ Tell the psychiartrist that that is not your intention.

My heart breaks for you, But there is a life more "sane" waiting for you!

Love,

Theresa

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics.

you're going in the right direction!! keep it up. :yeah:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi Rhonda, just saw this thread. Been there. What the others have said is true, progress is slow. Major clinical depression can be set off by events but the underlying tendency to depression is probably inherited. Please don't worry about the high dose of venlafaxine, as it seems to be helping you. Everyone is different and you might need a reduced dose as time goes on and the awful greyness begins to lift. Should there be thoughts about hurting yourself or another, please do call your psych. Be patient with yourself and as soon as you can, please consider spending time sketching, making pottery or whatever you have always wanted but never had time to do.

Best wishes.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
We all have crisis in our lives. You just have to learn to rise above and get on with life. You are only 38 years old according to your profile. You have many, many good years left. I have never suffered from clinical depression, so I do not have a personal understanding of how debilitating it can be. But I have suffered adversity, as most of us have. If you think you are the only one, the you just aren't paying attention. Have you seen the guy who had to cut off his own arm because it was caught under a boulder while hiking? I can't remember his name, but I saw him on a talk show and he has written a book. He was thanking God for his affliction because it made him more aware of the fragility of life, and helped him lead a fuller, more "aware" life.

You mentioned a family member having a fatal stroke. As we get older, more and more precious members of our families are going to die. My sister was killed by a cougar last year and we found her body, that was not exactly a part of my life I would like to relive, but life goes on. That is a fact of life, as a nurse you should understand that clearly. As far as your FIL having bypass surgery, did he die? Most folks who have bypass surgery return to normal, active lives, my husband did. How is your son doing now after surgery? If he is 19, he was probably healthy enough to get thru things well. As far as your back surgery goes...there are many nursing jobs that are not quite as demanding physically as others. Search them out.

Maybe your primary problem stems from your opening sentence, saying you are an RN who lives for her career. Nursing is a job. We are numbers on a schedule to management. If you happen to be able to find some enjoyment and fullfillment in your job, then that is a bonus. That is what keeps us going. But as far as living for it.....there are too many other things to live for. Live for your family, your grandchildren, yourself, the ability to travel and enjoy nature. Live for God, make yourself available to others who may need encouragement. Live for the sake of being able to see the sunrise every morning. Live to hear a baby coo. Live for puppy kisses. Live because that is why we are on the earth, but for Heaven's sake....don't live for nursing!

Just read your reply to "Needs Help" and I admire your ability to live your life despite the adversities. We can all learn a valuable lesson from what you wrote. It's not that I'm insensitive to the pain of depression. I too battle depression, but I found your words to be intelligent and insightful and will try to remember them when s*** happens. Thanks.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Rhonda, have you considered going to see a good SSD attorney to help you (and perhaps your hubby) get you set for some disability income in the future? (a year off work with inability to do substantive work is required to file..and SSD attorneys can advise you on the mountains of paperwork)They require no $$ up front. I know soooo many people out there on SSD who don't have half the problems you have, and IMHO situations like yours is what SSD is for. If you get better in the future the SSD folks will help you transition to a job you can do, through state rehab programs.

My thoughts and well wishes are coming your way, as someone who also lives with chronic pain and depression herself. (((HUGS))) to you, please continue to reach out and don't succumb to the isolation depression fosters.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Be patient with yourself and as soon as you can, please consider spending time sketching, making pottery or whatever you have always wanted but never had time to do.

Best wishes.

Hi Rhonda, I was going to make some similar suggestions about art-making - get some oil pastels, maybe some watercolours, charcoal, conte, all kinds of things. Make use of your spare time - make art, plan an art show and sale. Keep a journal about your artwork.

Lots of good suggestions already posted.

All the best to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nursing assistant.

Thank you for updating us on how you are doing. You are in my prayers.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care/ICU.
UPDATE. Hi everyone. I'm sorry it's been a while since I have logged on and sorry if some of you were worried. I have been struggling. I am doing some better now with the depression. I am currently on 225mg of effexor.(high dose huh-never seen anyone on that much). At least I am no lonlger wishing I was dead ALL the time (just rarely now). I am seeing a professional now as many of you wonderful people encouraged. THANK YOU!!!!My world has not gotten much better than the last time i logged on but I am dealing with it a little better now. I am still out of work. Indefinate is what my doctor listed as an estimate of return to work. They are now thinking this may take "months to years" to recover from. I'm waiting on MRI results that I had done of Friday. The doctors are finally investigating my hip. I've been telling them all along that when I put weight on my Left leg it really hurt. at least they are now checking it out. There may be a hairline fracture that was missed or something is what the doctors are thinking now in addition to the bad disk in my back. I had the nerve block done and had a reaction to the injection (just my luck) It didn't help with the pain in the end anyway. I just found out today that if I am not back to work by April 6th I will have lost my job anyway, so I guess I was right before when I expected to loose it. At least now I know right? I still do not know what I am going to do with my life anymore. I am constantly taking pain meds to be able to function at all. as soon as I get up and start doing things the pain just gets worse though. I am also on crutches now until the MRI is back, at least. can't do much on crutches.

I better get going now. I am finally going to go out tomorrow and have my hair done(haven't done that since Now.) Even though I don't sleep well I had better at least try. I just wanted to let anyone that might be interested know that I was still around and fighting to get better. Thanks for all of your help and kind words. I'll try not to take so long in the future to update you. Thanks again Rhonda

Hi Rhonda!

Good to hear from you! I must say, even though this is the internet and I can't see you, your tone and the general feeling I get when I read your update is different! You sound different in a good way! I'm really glad.

Keep plugging along and doing what you need to do. As time passes I think you learn more and more about yourself. Pretty soon when adversity strikes anew, you will have new and improved ways of coping!!

Cheers to you! And take care!

:kiss

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I have now affically lost my job. As of April 6th, I am no longer the Charge Nurse on one on the best (in my opinion anyway)spinal injury and general rehab units around here. The MRI I had done showed bad Bursitis in my left hip, and mild in my right hip, it also showed torn tendons, ligaments and muscles in the left hip, in addition to the disk in my back. My doctor said it was from the trauma of the car wreck. My recovery is now officeally at "months to years" (quoting the doctor). I am weight bearing as tolerated and use crutches whenever I need to be on my feet for extended times like if I need to go shopping. Today I am having a bad day (psych wise) and feel like I am going crazy, like I am lost again and don't know which direction to go in. Sme days (few) are better than others and today seems to be one of the worst lately.

Almost 2 weeks ago one of my MD's had me get some labs drawn. Being a nurse I knew what the tests were for when I looked at the slips but didn't think any more about it. That is until the tech from his office called and said I needed to schedule an appointment to discuss the results with the MD. Well, that NEVER happens, unless something is abnormal on the results. Most of my doctors will just give me the infromation on the phone. The tech said she was told 'nothing is horrific and for me not to worry', and that they would call me. Well I am still waiting for that call. My family tells me to try to calm down and just wait, but I am finding that really hard to do. The ordered blood work was for Rheumatic diseases including Arthritis and tests for Lupus. Neither of these do I need right now (or ever for that amatter). I really do not need any more problems right now. My son has had another car wreck, in my new car, with him listed as at fault. He is alright but my car insurance will be going up because of this, and my health insurance premiums are now totally my responsibility (>$400.00 every two weeks). I do not know where the money will come from to cover that and cannot afford necessary medications for myself and my husband without insurance. Just more BS I will have to find a way to deal with.

As I said, I do have some better days, although I don't ever feel happy. Like when my son was born, when I married my husband, when I got my Nursing Degree, or like when I got my first job as an RN. I just want to feel happy like that again. I mentioned this to my psychiatrist and she told me that this takes time but if it continues we might have to think about adding yet another med to my very large list, even if just for a short time.

My daily life consists of getting up and taking pain pills, after a while I get up and try to clean the house(since my OCD will not let me 'just leave it') I feel I have to get 'something' done, although even that doesn't seem to get too far. Soon the pain gets too much and I have to go sit/lie down, take more pain pills and watch TV for a while. Then I try to work on some of the mountain of paperwork that has built up in the past few months, but sitting up correctl,y to be able to do the paperwork, makes me hurt so I take more pills. Pretty soon all I am doing is watching TV and munching on jelly beans and hersheys kisses. (I bet I have put on about 30 pounds since January when I became out of work--not too good for an anorexic- I'm going to have to start dieting soon). I do like to paint ceramics and I collect Genuiine Gemstones and make them into jewelery, and have even sold many pieces. I just don't seem to have the desire to work on those things right now. I really wish I did since now is a good time to get some things done. I just have no ambition anymore. If anyone has a spare bottle of ambition I could buy please let me know, I'd pay almost anything (ha ha ha!!) I really wish such a thing existed.

I guess I better go now, I have been rambling enough. I'm sure you have better things to do than listen/read about all my continued problems in such detail. Besides sitting at this desk is getting painful and I will need to go take more pain meds soon. I am scheduled to see the MD regarding the lab tests on Thursday afternoon(4/14/05) and will try to let you know, in a SHORT note what the results are. Thanks to you all for the support and encouragement. I will try to keep my updates shorter in the future so as to not bother anyone. THANKS AGAIN RHONDA

Up Vote Up Vote ×
We all have crisis in our lives. You just have to learn to rise above and get on with life. You are only 38 years old according to your profile. You have many, many good years left. I have never suffered from clinical depression, so I do not have a personal understanding of how debilitating it can be. But I have suffered adversity, as most of us have. If you think you are the only one, the you just aren't paying attention. Have you seen the guy who had to cut off his own arm because it was caught under a boulder while hiking? I can't remember his name, but I saw him on a talk show and he has written a book. He was thanking God for his affliction because it made him more aware of the fragility of life, and helped him lead a fuller, more "aware" life.

You mentioned a family member having a fatal stroke. As we get older, more and more precious members of our families are going to die. My sister was killed by a cougar last year and we found her body, that was not exactly a part of my life I would like to relive, but life goes on. That is a fact of life, as a nurse you should understand that clearly. As far as your FIL having bypass surgery, did he die? Most folks who have bypass surgery return to normal, active lives, my husband did. How is your son doing now after surgery? If he is 19, he was probably healthy enough to get thru things well. As far as your back surgery goes...there are many nursing jobs that are not quite as demanding physically as others. Search them out.

Maybe your primary problem stems from your opening sentence, saying you are an RN who lives for her career. Nursing is a job. We are numbers on a schedule to management. If you happen to be able to find some enjoyment and fullfillment in your job, then that is a bonus. That is what keeps us going. But as far as living for it.....there are too many other things to live for. Live for your family, your grandchildren, yourself, the ability to travel and enjoy nature. Live for God, make yourself available to others who may need encouragement. Live for the sake of being able to see the sunrise every morning. Live to hear a baby coo. Live for puppy kisses. Live because that is why we are on the earth, but for Heaven's sake....don't live for nursing!

what a great post. i don't know if it helped the original poster, but i needed to hear it. thanks! Copy%20of%20wink.gif

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I am scheduled to see the MD regarding the lab tests on Thursday afternoon(4/14/05) and will try to let you know, in a SHORT note what the results are. Thanks to you all for the support and encouragement. I will try to keep my updates shorter in the future so as to not bother anyone. THANKS AGAIN RHONDA

Rhonda, hi, I've been out of work since 10/20/03 due to depression and anxiety, it's not fun but I'm getting better every day. Meanwhile I was able to get disability and had a lawyer do everything but the initial paperwork. It's worth looking into Rhonda and won't cost a thing if you don't win.

Bless you - as to "shorter updates" - don't even think about it. Say what you need to say and know that it probably helps at least one of us!

Take care!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment