I am a real mess and need some help. I was accepted into an ADN program in Texas to start in a few weeks. My current husband and I have been having lots of arguments and he told me he definitely wants a divorce FOR SURE! I have this week to decide what I am going to do and make plans. I have two children that live with me ages 12 and 9.
This is complex. Please don't be too judgmental. My youngest child who is 6 lives with his dad in Missouri. I allowed that to happen during our divorce because my ex wanted to be there in Missouri near his family. I see my youngest child often, but that has been very, very hard on me, and probably a stressor in my current marriage.
I'm not a bad person.. I have just made some bad choices. So now I am asking you to help me. I can either take this golden ticket of nursing school and move my two children up to Sherman Texas where the school is and go for two years. Or I can move to Missouri (my ex has said I could live with him for free and he would help me go to school), but there is no guarantee that I will get into that school in Missouri. It is a big "IF". I am 38 years old and my science pre-reqs expire in 2009. Is the right thing to go and be with my son in Missouri and just roll the dice to see if I get in? If I move to Sherman Texas and go to school there I will have $2000 a month help to live on (car payment $500, rent maybe $600?)
Somebody please help me because I am a mess right now. I want to do the right thing for all of my children.
well, jmho, school will be available anytime. I know money plays a big part, but do anything that enables you to be with ALL your children. How do you cope being apart from your six year old? wouldn't you shift heaven and earth to tuck him up to sleep at night?
Jill, I'm not judging, just asking, from one mammy to another.
Thank you all so much for your comments. This has really helped me a lot. My son wants me in Missouri, that is what I should do. The nursing school there told me that I have a pretty good chance of getting in for the Spring (with the GPA I told them), no guarantees of course.
Thank you all very much in this very tough time for me...
I think taking time to put things in order will enhance your chance of success. Mo may well be the better option. I would just make sure that all the boundary issues are resolved. (ie no friends with benefits etc.) Good luck!
Jill, I wish you good luck! i have to say, as someone in a crumbling marriage, that it's better that this happened now, rather than after you started the actual nursing program. I know that is my worst nightmare, all of a sudden having to support myself and the kids and having to drop out of a prpgram I've been waiting years for. I definately agree that if help is being offered, Take It!
Every one of us has different ideals and no one else can ever tell us what is best...we need to look inside for that. I can only share some of my own story.
I am not "money-hungry", but I also know the stress of scraping for change every month to try to keep the wolf away from the door. Nursing has offered me many things, among them the ability to provide a decent life for myself and my family. No, it wasn't easy. Yes, there were sacrifices. In my situation, however, it was vastly more important to me to not stand still and be able to provide independence, hope and a "way out" for my family than do anything else. My kids missed me during school, times were rough. But I also knew that times would be roughest for only the X amount of years I went to school. Had I played it safe, I may still not have graduated. Certainly my family would not be in the position they are now. There were hurdles, but nothing that I couldn't conquer.
I bet on the light at the end of the tunnel, and I never have regretted it.
Go for the sure thing - go to the school where you have been accepted.
If it's any help, my children live with their father in another state, and I am completely unrepentent for this decision. It was MY decision. I knew that if I was going to make it at all I had to let them live with their father while I got my life together.
Don't throw your life away making an emotional decision. Be grateful that your son's father is willing to care for him and do the right thing. It could be worse! He could have disappeared without paying child support and you'd have even more difficulty than you do now.
Everyone assumes that the Mom being with the kid is the best scenario. Not always.
Every year that goes by it is harder and harder to get into nursing school. I began my endeavor going on six years ago. It took me 4 years to get in, and when I talk to people trying to get in now, the bar is even higher. If I were you, I wouldn't take the chance.
In just two years you'll graduate and be making an excellent salary. Two more yours in the life of your son is not that much. In two years you can be reuinited with him. If you leave now to be with your son you'll only prolong the difficulty you and your other children will face for many years to come.
My vote - suck it up, go to school and get a leg up on the rest of your life.
Now is the time to sign up for assistance. Don't wait until you are "situated" somewhere. There is no dishonor in asking for help when you need it. Don't wait until later, oftentimes the crisis has passed in the eyes of the government (even though this is usually not the case for the individual.) Get WIC, food stamps, HUD housing assistance/section 8, daycare assistance NOW while you qualify. The biggest mistake we make is saying "I wish I would have known then what I know now." Don't let this happen to you.
My girlfriend was a single mom and got ALL of her daycare paid for while she got her degree. That by itself was a huge weight off her shoulders because you are bound to have clinicals at all hours of the day...imagine having to find (or afford) daycare for evening clinicals or even overnights while you do your internship? Don't count on the goodwill of family and friends, believe me, that goes out the window fast with 24-hr nursing demands. Be proactive and plan ahead.
I would much rather spend my hard earned tax dollars on your situation than many others, no one would begrudge you help at this time. I hope everything works out for you.
Thank you all so much for your comments. This has really helped me a lot. My son wants me in Missouri, that is what I should do. The nursing school there told me that I have a pretty good chance of getting in for the Spring (with the GPA I told them), no guarantees of course.
Thank you all very much in this very tough time for me...
Cox isn't the only NS in the Springfield area either hun....do some looking and explore some options for some other programs. Check with St. John's - they used to offer some seriously awesome incentives to go to SBU and their program (like, totally pay for it and pay you to work type incentives). Check with OTC and MSU....depending on your willingness to drive, there are some schools just across the border into AR that might of interest to you. Joplin, Neosho, etc....are all w/in driving distance too and all offer decent nursing programs as well.
Chances are, you'll get into NS sooner rather than later...... Springfield is a good area to land in and go to NS because the 2 largest hospitals in that area have actual nursing programs attached to their names.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Nursing school is stressful and demanding. You may not even have time for the children that are currently living with you. More stress and distractions would make nursing school even more difficult. I would look into programs in Missouri and maybe see if there is another person to live with besides the ex. I am also questioning his agenda. Some people wait for the weak moments to hone in on their own plans. This is an awful hard decision and I wish you the very best.
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danissa, LPN, LVN
896 Posts
well, jmho, school will be available anytime. I know money plays a big part, but do anything that enables you to be with ALL your children. How do you cope being apart from your six year old? wouldn't you shift heaven and earth to tuck him up to sleep at night?
Jill, I'm not judging, just asking, from one mammy to another.