Need counseling on a life decision

Published

Specializes in School Nursing.

I am a real mess and need some help. I was accepted into an ADN program in Texas to start in a few weeks. My current husband and I have been having lots of arguments and he told me he definitely wants a divorce FOR SURE! I have this week to decide what I am going to do and make plans. I have two children that live with me ages 12 and 9.

This is complex. Please don't be too judgmental. My youngest child who is 6 lives with his dad in Missouri. I allowed that to happen during our divorce because my ex wanted to be there in Missouri near his family. I see my youngest child often, but that has been very, very hard on me, and probably a stressor in my current marriage.

I'm not a bad person.. I have just made some bad choices. So now I am asking you to help me. I can either take this golden ticket of nursing school and move my two children up to Sherman Texas where the school is and go for two years. Or I can move to Missouri (my ex has said I could live with him for free and he would help me go to school), but there is no guarantee that I will get into that school in Missouri. It is a big "IF". I am 38 years old and my science pre-reqs expire in 2009. Is the right thing to go and be with my son in Missouri and just roll the dice to see if I get in? If I move to Sherman Texas and go to school there I will have $2000 a month help to live on (car payment $500, rent maybe $600?)

Somebody please help me because I am a mess right now. I want to do the right thing for all of my children.

Thanks.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency Dept.

You need to do what you feel is best for you. My suggestion would be Missouri though. I had to work full time and go to school full time and really busted my butt to do so. I had very little extra time. It would be very difficult to go to school full time, work full time and raise two children. And yes, nursing schools in Missouri are difficult to get in to, but it sounds like you would have a better chance of making it through school if you were in Missouri. (not working so much, getting to see all of your kids). Any way to decrease stress in life is a good thing while you're in nursing school. :) Good Luck!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

I think you should definately go to Missouri. Your ex-husband is being very gracious, and your 6 year old needs you more than you need to immediately start nursing school.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sorry to hear that things are a mess for you right now. If it were me, I would choose to go with my little one. I think being with him right now et having the security to know someone is backing you up et supporting you right now will help you out. Good luck in your decision.

Leslie

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in DOU.

If the ADN programs are hard to get into, maybe you can look into an LPN program in Missouri that eventually bridges into an ADN program??

I don't know about the ex-husband thing, but I wouldn't dream of living so far from my kid. I have to imagine that is very painful.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Divorce + Kids + moving to another state + Nursing School = not a great recipe for success. You may want to consider sorting things out before you take on Nursing school, otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail. Just my opinion however...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

one thought, is alimony a possibility? How is living with the ex going to affect the kids? I would be really careful about living with the ex just to save money. Do you need the fallout that will occur when your children react to this change? Is this going to increase or decrease stress? What is the ex husbands agenda? I'd never consider living with my ex. How about a roomate? Lots of single moms in nursing school. Maybe someone with children who can "take turns" and be a support while in school. Benefit= children aren't confused and upset, you get to go to school where you were definately accepted before your credits expire, you are not dealing with an ex who may or may not have untold expectations if you stay "rent free." You didn't want to live with him before, what's different?? Too many nurses (I used to be one so I know) accept situations which are not healthy for them emotionally.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.

I want to start out by asking you what will be best for your children. If you move to Texas, will you have support for your 2 children who live with you? Do you have friends who can help care for them there? What about your 6 year old? How often will you be able to see that child if you move to Texas? If you travel to see your 6 year old when you are in Texas will you take your other children back and forth with you? OK, next question, where do you think you want to live after you have your RN? Could your 9 and 12 year old live with your ex husband while you are in school to perhaps give them more stability? Then it wouldn't be so expensive for you to travel to visit (or to live, for that matter). I guess I would want to build as cohesive of a family system as I could and give my kids as much stability as possible. Texas does sound like a great opportunity but making your kids start in a whole new school system, then take them away from it in two years seams like it would be really hard on them.

If you can't bare being away from them, then I definitely would say go to Missouri. People become nurses there all the time.

Sorry you have had to go through all of this, as well as your children, my prayers are with you.

:heartbeat:heartbeat

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in School Nursing.

Thank you all for your advice. My head is so unclear right now. I would be getting $2000 a month for child support, I could possibly make $1000 part-time doing transcription. So would $3000 even be enough to live on with $600 rent, $500 car payment? Maybe Missouri is the best move. I would have all my kids together, but I just don't know if I want to end up in Missouri for the rest of my life, especially if I could never get into a school. I just don't know. I love my son more than anything, I just don't know if I would be happy. My older kids would adjust to whatever situation I believe. I have talked to them about it and I really think they could go either way.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
Thank you all for your advice. My head is so unclear right now. I would be getting $2000 a month for child support, I could possibly make $1000 part-time doing transcription. So would $3000 even be enough to live on with $600 rent, $500 car payment? Maybe Missouri is the best move. I would have all my kids together, but I just don't know if I want to end up in Missouri for the rest of my life, especially if I could never get into a school. I just don't know. I love my son more than anything, I just don't know if I would be happy. My older kids would adjust to whatever situation I believe. I have talked to them about it and I really think they could go either way.

If you love your son more than anything, then obviously you need to go to Missouri. You need to put your own quest for 'happiness' aside for now and go to your son. Did you know, incidentally, that we take ourselves everywhere? We can't escape ourselves, and we are the ones that create our own happiness. Just something I've learn from 50 years on this Earth. I can't escape myself, I take me where ever I go, and my happiness or discontent emanates from me. :idea:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac, ER, ICU.

My advice would be to take nursing school out of the picture for the moment while you decide. It sounds as though you are facing a huge change in your life no matter what... Trying to tackle school full time while settling into a new state, with a fresh divorce and young children sounds like a lot to handle. I was single and living with my parents when I went to LPN school and it was tough enough. I went back for my RN 7 yrs later with a supportive spouse a per diem job and 3 kids, 2 of whom were in school most of the day and that was enough stress! I think you should figure out what is best for you and your kids, then fit nursing school in maybe next year. You need to put yourself and your family first. Maybe the time it would take you to get accepted in the other state would give you time to take a few prerequisites and get your life settled in the process. I hope it all works out for you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg, ER and ICU!!!.

I think you would be happy in Missouri. It is where your kids are. My Ex husband lives with me. And it works pretty good.

Good luck with any decision you make.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion