I am a real mess and need some help. I was accepted into an ADN program in Texas to start in a few weeks. My current husband and I have been having lots of arguments and he told me he definitely wants a divorce FOR SURE! I have this week to decide what I am going to do and make plans. I have two children that live with me ages 12 and 9.
This is complex. Please don't be too judgmental. My youngest child who is 6 lives with his dad in Missouri. I allowed that to happen during our divorce because my ex wanted to be there in Missouri near his family. I see my youngest child often, but that has been very, very hard on me, and probably a stressor in my current marriage.
I'm not a bad person.. I have just made some bad choices. So now I am asking you to help me. I can either take this golden ticket of nursing school and move my two children up to Sherman Texas where the school is and go for two years. Or I can move to Missouri (my ex has said I could live with him for free and he would help me go to school), but there is no guarantee that I will get into that school in Missouri. It is a big "IF". I am 38 years old and my science pre-reqs expire in 2009. Is the right thing to go and be with my son in Missouri and just roll the dice to see if I get in? If I move to Sherman Texas and go to school there I will have $2000 a month help to live on (car payment $500, rent maybe $600?)
Somebody please help me because I am a mess right now. I want to do the right thing for all of my children.
Another thing I want to mention. I have lived 50 years, and some of my main regrets in life are times when I was selfish and put my own self-perceived needs ahead of my children. You will never regret being selfless when it comes to your children, you will have more peace in the future if you go to Missouri, I guarantee you. You won't feel guilt about that when you are old.
Somebody please help me because I am a mess right now. I want to do the right thing for all of my children.
Thanks.
When you get on an airplane the stewardess begins giving the speech about how to buckle your seat belt and what to do in case of sudden cabin loss of cabin pressure. She says something like this... "When the mask drops down from the compartment above your seat, please, put on your own mask before assisting your child."
My interpretation: Do what you must to save yourself, then you can be the best mother you can be.
You'll have to decide your own path, just remember to put your mask on.
You think that going to Texas and living 100s of miles away is equivalent to putting one's own mask on before assisting one's child? I hardly agree. Nursing School is not a life or death necessity.
Specializes in med-surg/or/ambulatory/geriatric psyc.
I am from MO and you might have to wait a year in order to get into school, but that would be a good year for you to get yourself settled, etc. But I did not find it that difficult to get into a school, as a matter of fact, I got in the same year I applied and I believe the school I go to is a pretty good school, they do have waiting lists, but as long as you do everything you should and to the best of your ability to get in, you will get in within the next year or so. If you decide to come to MO, if I were you, I would start calling around to schools and seeing what you are up against on getting in. What area are you looking at moving to? Maybe I can help you with something. Just let me know. I begin my ADN the last week of August, have just finished LPN. Hang in there, it will all work out. Just make sure that your decisions are not solely based on your happiness, but on your children's happiness too. It is important for you to be happy, but it is also imperative that they be happy and feel secure in order to develop correctly. Good luck, and PM me if you need any advise or anything or if there is anything you think I could do to help. :typing
I would be moving to the Springfield Missouri area. I have talked to Cox College and they say my chances are pretty good. The cost is so high though. $350 for a credit hour as opposed to $47 credit hour in Texas!
I know I should do what is right for my kids. That is one of the big reasons I wanted to pursue an RN. I don't want to work as a medical secretary for the rest of my life making pennies and not being able to support them. But I understand and appreciate all of your comments. Thank you for your time in helping me.
If you love your son more than anything, then obviously you need to go to Missouri. You need to put your own quest for 'happiness' aside for now and go to your son. Did you know, incidentally, that we take ourselves everywhere? We can't escape ourselves, and we are the ones that create our own happiness. Just something I've learn from 50 years on this Earth. I can't escape myself, I take me where ever I go, and my happiness or discontent emanates from me.
jlsRN that is brilliant!!
Go to your child and create a family with all your children. Your 6 year old undoubtedly misses his older siblings as well as his Mother.
I have to agree with this poster. You have to take care of and position yourself BEFORE you can appropriately take care of anyone or anything else!
We can all idealize the Mother's heart. But a Mother isn't much of a Mother if she can't adaquately provide for her children. Unfortunately, finances are a HUGE and real part of providing.
Raising children is not easy within the solid traditional family structure. It's much, much, much more difficult as a single parent!
Put yourself in the position to be able to care for yourself AND your children. Get your education now. Opportunity doesn't always knock twice.
The sacrifice now is little compared to the sacrifice later as the kids grow and you're struggling through those interum years.
Empower yourself. There is nothing selfish in ensuring your and your children's future! It's an act of love!
Hugs and good-luck.
When you get on an airplane the stewardess begins giving the speech about how to buckle your seat belt and what to do in case of sudden cabin loss of cabin pressure. She says something like this... "When the mask drops down from the compartment above your seat, please, put on your own mask before assisting your child."
My interpretation: Do what you must to save yourself, then you can be the best mother you can be.
You'll have to decide your own path, just remember to put your mask on.
....I am not a mother, so I don't know what you are going through......
That being said, You need to ask yourself if you really want to live with your ex. Is it possible for you to move to MO and live with a roomie but not your ex?
Have you looked into Lpn/Lvn school? If you are going to nursing school to make a better life for you and your family, you may consider taking the one year course then bridging. ( you should be able to finish before your pre reqs expire)
I have been a lurker around here but I just had to reply to your post.
My advice to you would be to go to Texas,and go to the school that has accepted you.
Do you have support in Texas(family,or friends) that could help you with your kids?
Are you able to arrange joint custody so that your 6 year old can visit you often in Texas?
Are you mentally stable(after the break up) to be able to focus on your studies and kids?
I am a mom 8,9 of two boys and I have learned a lot about myself being a mother.
#1 if you are not happy and living your BEST life then it's impossible to give that to your kids.Kids can sense pain,and un happiness.
I think that it would be great to show your kids that no matter what happens in life that you can ALWAYS pull yourself back up and start again.
#2 divorce happens and kids are expensive.If you have to do something hard now for a better life in the end then I think its worth it.You DO NOT want to end up in a situation where you are dependant on your X to take care of you.
GO TO SCHOOL...get your other baby,pray..
I worked double shifts(CNA) on the weekends while my kids were with my X and went to school during the week while they were in school.(pre req's)
I got a roomate and stopped spending money and everything is working out fine.
YOU CAN DO IT..and only you know the answers.Go with your GUT feeling first.....
Wow....this so sounds like my life!! My first question is why did you apply in Texas? Do you have any family support there that can help with your children? No question , you little guy in MO is very important, and I applaud you and your ex that your relationship is so amicable. It is very difficult to get into the nursing programs. If you have a guaranteed spot, and some kind of family support in Texas, I would suggest that route. I was 38 when I started my pre-reqs, 42 now, with 2 quarters left. I would also consider dumping a $500.00/month car payment, and keep on eye on Ramen noodles when they go on sale for 10/1.00!
It's not easy, but definitely worth it! I am an LPN now working this summer and reaping the benefits!!
If you start Nursing School in Texas, you may not get a chance to see your 6 year old much. Nursing School is intense and emotionally draining, in and of itself. I hate to be so blunt; but, with everything on your plate right now, you have a good chance of failing school, anyway. Nursing School makes no allowances for personal crisis. Hey, they wouldn't even let me take two weeks off to go and bury my mother and settle her estate-they made me quit and reapply for the following semester (and, the school was in Texas).
There is nothing more important than your children-you get only one chance to raise them right. Lost opportunities can never be made up. You said that in the past you made some mistakes, don't make another one!
I'm not a mother either, but will you and your ex get along if you live together? You actually might be better off in Texas, I dunno. You can take out the max in student loans, and then w/ child support you may be able to take the little one to Texas with you. Like I said, I'm not a mom, so just rambling.
FireStarterRN, BSN, RN
3,824 Posts
Another thing I want to mention. I have lived 50 years, and some of my main regrets in life are times when I was selfish and put my own self-perceived needs ahead of my children. You will never regret being selfless when it comes to your children, you will have more peace in the future if you go to Missouri, I guarantee you. You won't feel guilt about that when you are old.