I am a real mess and need some help. I was accepted into an ADN program in Texas to start in a few weeks. My current husband and I have been having lots of arguments and he told me he definitely wants a divorce FOR SURE! I have this week to decide what I am going to do and make plans. I have two children that live with me ages 12 and 9.
This is complex. Please don't be too judgmental. My youngest child who is 6 lives with his dad in Missouri. I allowed that to happen during our divorce because my ex wanted to be there in Missouri near his family. I see my youngest child often, but that has been very, very hard on me, and probably a stressor in my current marriage.
I'm not a bad person.. I have just made some bad choices. So now I am asking you to help me. I can either take this golden ticket of nursing school and move my two children up to Sherman Texas where the school is and go for two years. Or I can move to Missouri (my ex has said I could live with him for free and he would help me go to school), but there is no guarantee that I will get into that school in Missouri. It is a big "IF". I am 38 years old and my science pre-reqs expire in 2009. Is the right thing to go and be with my son in Missouri and just roll the dice to see if I get in? If I move to Sherman Texas and go to school there I will have $2000 a month help to live on (car payment $500, rent maybe $600?)
Somebody please help me because I am a mess right now. I want to do the right thing for all of my children.
I think my ex would have expectations about getting back together. And I doubt very seriously it would work living in the same house because I already sense his moodiness and aloofness with my indecisiveness about this. He is making me feel guilty that I am picking school over my son, but he is the one that wants to live in Missouri in the middle of nowhere. His family is over two hours a way. Let me tell you this. If I got my own apartment in Missouri, there is NO way I could attend that school there. $350-400 a credit hour as opposed to $47 credit hour here in Texas. Fact is, I could go live in Missouri and be near my son and never go to nursing school, or I could hurry and get my nursing degree here and then have the financial freedom to do whatever. I made $18 an hour as a transcriptionist here in Dallas. Transcriptionists there in MO make $9. If I am not living with my ex, I would not be able to survive and I would not be able to afford nursing school there on my own. that is what makes this all the harder. I just dont' want to live with my ex, but my heart aches so badly for my son and yes, I agree with everyone who says that I would be missing years of his life. This is so hard.
Two years to get a nursing degree that will put you in a position to really provide for your children not only monetarily, but with the freedom of being in control of your own life enough to be able to handle theirs, is nothing. When you're young, two weeks can seem like an eternity, but when you make it over the hump and look back, years look like minutes! Believe me, I know. I'm over the hump!
Listening to you, I feel you already know in your heart what the right answer is for you and perhaps you are hoping for people to make you feel your decision is "alright." Some people will, some people won't. You do what your gut tells you to do. Guts are never wrong!
Please put ALL of your children first. I have found that if we make the right decisions, things will fall into place as they should. My belief is that we are given children as a gift, and are expected to care for them for the time they are living in our houses.
What an example it would be to your kids and family by putting them first!
I have no doubt as a reward for doing what is right, you will have your dreams come true, they just aren't always on the timeline we would like them to be.
But what is putting ALL of my children first? Going to Missouri and possibly not getting into nursing school, or going through the Texas nursing program now that I have been accepted to. I don't want my kids to suffer financially if I can never get into the program in Missouri, either.
But what is putting ALL of my children first? Going to Missouri and possibly not getting into nursing school, or going through the Texas nursing program now that I have been accepted to. I don't want my kids to suffer financially if I can never get into the program in Missouri, either.
Being a mother is so difficult isn't it? All the guilt we deal with on a daily basis, not to mention being a single mom again and trying to make it in the world. You have a tough decision on your hands and I don't envy you. Life just doesn't make it easy for a single mom, I was once, I know. Do the best that you can do, you know what's right for you and your kids, just look into your heart and it will lead you. Pray about it, if you pray and ask yourself some serious questions. I'm sure you will come to the right decision. With every door that closes, another opens, always. Maybe God has other plans for you. Good luck to you.
Specializes in acute care for elders, general medicine.
Can your 6 year old son come and visit you while you're going to nursing school in Texas?
You're really the only one who can decide what is best, but I can see why it is so hard for you. *hugs*
Maybe sit down and make a list of pros and cons.
If you can't live with the ex and your son, is there an alternative way of getting to see him and spend time with him while you better yourself for the betterment of your family?
If the ADN programs are hard to get into, maybe you can look into an LPN program in Missouri that eventually bridges into an ADN program??
I don't know about the ex-husband thing, but I wouldn't dream of living so far from my kid. I have to imagine that is very painful.
I echo this. The stress will kill you and it isn't worth it. Personally, I could not bear the thought of being so far away from my child.
Do you really think you will look back over your life one day and be happy you chose nursing school over being closer to one of your children? I want to be on my deathbed surrounded by my family, not an associate's degree. I know it would mean a lot to the little one in Missouri who doesn't have you.
So what if your plans for nursing school are put on hold a little while? There are nursing schools in Missouri. Even if you have to retake the science courses you can do it cheaply at a community college and the second time around should be easier. I know this sounds like a lot to expect, and I do not mean to preach, but ask for God/goddess/the spirits or whomever you believe in to help you through this. Furthermore, it is not a defect to become an LPN. You can do that first and then get an RN license. You know what? I was an LPN 6 yrs. before I was an RN. I worked and slaved and fretted and lost time with my small children chasing that degree. I thought it would change my life and make it a lot better, but it hasn't. I was happier when I was an LPN.
Nursing school will always be there. Your child won't.
Also want to add, I understand about the money situation. As the great philosopher Cyndi Lauper said, money, money changes everything. Life is hopeless without money. I know it seems like being an RN will solve all your financial problems but if you get 2grand monthly and had the support of your ex PLUS the benefit of being there for the child you would not be better off with whatever job as a nurse you had. I'm an RN with four children and a disabled husband (gets no monthly check) and we are living on about $2000/month (BTW, why the heck are you making $500 car payments?! Get rid of that and settle for something less, it can be done!) I do not believe we live too bad in spite of being below poverty level.
It had to do with choices and sacrifices we have to make so I can be closer to my family. Of course, it is worthwhile to be a nurse and life will be easier in the long run because you have more opportunities to make money but it doesn't sound like you will be destitute because you waited to get into a nursing program.
What I mean by ALL your kids, I mean either take the 6 yr old with you to texas or go to missouri to be together, either way the whole family will be complete.
I have a supportive husband, so I cannot imagine what this decision must feel like, I will be praying for you, for clarity.
This is definitely not the same level of sacrifice, but I recently received my BSN after having had a AAS for 6 years. I took one class a semester. 6 years for my BSN! Anyways, I couldn't wait to finally sign up for my masters program when my kids said, not again! We thought you would be done! they are tired of hearing me say "quiet, I need to study, or not now, I need to finish this paper" and the stress I was constantly exhibiting. So I agreed to stay happy with my BSN, and to put grad school on the back burner, my youngest is 11 so I won't have to wait too long. It'll be worth it, because the kids now think they are more important than anything else-besides God-it makes them feel secure knowing how important they are.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I am a real mess and need some help. I was accepted into an ADN program in Texas to start in a few weeks. My current husband and I have been having lots of arguments and he told me he definitely wants a divorce FOR SURE! I have this week to decide what I am going to do and make plans. I have two children that live with me ages 12 and 9.
This is complex. Please don't be too judgmental. My youngest child who is 6 lives with his dad in Missouri. I allowed that to happen during our divorce because my ex wanted to be there in Missouri near his family. I see my youngest child often, but that has been very, very hard on me, and probably a stressor in my current marriage.
I'm not a bad person.. I have just made some bad choices. So now I am asking you to help me. I can either take this golden ticket of nursing school and move my two children up to Sherman Texas where the school is and go for two years. Or I can move to Missouri (my ex has said I could live with him for free and he would help me go to school), but there is no guarantee that I will get into that school in Missouri. It is a big "IF". I am 38 years old and my science pre-reqs expire in 2009. Is the right thing to go and be with my son in Missouri and just roll the dice to see if I get in? If I move to Sherman Texas and go to school there I will have $2000 a month help to live on (car payment $500, rent maybe $600?)
Somebody please help me because I am a mess right now. I want to do the right thing for all of my children.
Thanks.
First of all, none of us has a right to judge you, hon. There is only One Who has that job, and He's not here right now.
Someone once told me how to make a decision that would be self-supporting. She said, "What you find most comfortable in doing is what you should do." She was right.
Miss Chybil RN, BSN, RN
318 Posts
Two years to get a nursing degree that will put you in a position to really provide for your children not only monetarily, but with the freedom of being in control of your own life enough to be able to handle theirs, is nothing. When you're young, two weeks can seem like an eternity, but when you make it over the hump and look back, years look like minutes! Believe me, I know. I'm over the hump!
Listening to you, I feel you already know in your heart what the right answer is for you and perhaps you are hoping for people to make you feel your decision is "alright." Some people will, some people won't. You do what your gut tells you to do. Guts are never wrong!