My mom won't let me be a nurse. How do I convince her?

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Feb 5, 2014

Hmm - so that's a Tiger Mom, huh? Good to know.

Actually, I think she (TG) made some fairly accurate statements about the 'world' of nursing -- but I'm not going to say which ones - LOL.

Agree with PPs. Go ahead and coast along taking your pre-req's and gen ed courses. Then, when the time is right, make your decision and stick with it if you can deal with the consequences (loss of parental support). It's your life.

psu_213, BSN, RN · Feb 5, 2014

"You'll be surrounded by sick people so you will contract a contagious disease and die." --> would apply to doctors as well

Also...do you ever go to the grocery store? Do you what illnesses other customers may have. Do you realize that they touched a piece of fruit before you did? What antibiotic are they waiting in line for at the pharmacy? What is it to treat? You know that patient with C diff?? He just picked up and put back down that head of cabbage before you picked it up and took it home.

Ever go the movies? That person behind you who keeps coughing--what are they coughing up? Are they covering their mouth like the should?

What happened to that steak before it came to the table? Did the chef wipe his nose with his hand before he touched your plate? Did the waiter wash his hands before leaving the restroom? Even if he did, what did he pick up right afterward when he grabbed the door handle?

At least in the hospital you know people are sick and your have the equipment necessary to protect yourself.

I could go down the entire list of reasons why she does not want you to be a nurse...there is a good retort to all of them. However, I think others have given you a pretty good start.

Shinnichi, ADN, RN · Feb 5, 2014

My mom doesn't want me to be a nurse but I really want to be one. Can you help me convince her to let me be a nurse? These are the things she says to me to try to make me not be a nurse:
-"You'll be surrounded by sick people so you will contract a contagious disease and die."Just as any other medical personnel. That's the purpose of "infection control".
-"You'll be really tired working 12 hours." And doctors magically aren't..?
-"Violent and horny patients will try to rape or attack you." Because violent and horny people only exist in hospitals...just as well, wouldn't doctors have this kind of threat, too?
-"It's okay for immigrants to be nurses, but not you because I gave you a great opportunity to be something higher in the ladder." ... Wait! We're ALL immigrants! So really she's OKAY with you becoming a nurse!
-"Your friends, cousins, and brother are all doctors, lawyers, and engineers. And you want to be a nurse? You are a disgrace to me and your family. I will disown you."
-"The only reason you want to be a nurse is so you can get out of college in 4 years instead of 12 years so you can be a young mom and get married."
-"Nurses don't need analysis. They just do what the doctors and bosses tell them to do."
-"If you become a nurse, I never want to see you again. I won't pay your tuition."
-"You have to go to Ivy League or UC school. CSU's are a disgrace."
-"You are selfish. You are not the type to care for people. You can't be a nurse."

Sorry, I just lost all rationale with those last few comments...

When you turn 18, your mother nor anyone else can dictate what you do with your career. My mother refused to let me attend a math and science school or graduate early because she "wanted me to experience senior year, prom, etc." Ten days after I turned 18, I packed as much as I could and took a plane to Miami. She forgave me. She disagrees with me daily, but she does love me still.

If your mother actually loves you, she will continue to do so regardless of your choice to pursue nursing. You have ONE life that NO ONE can live for you. One day she will die, and you will still be here for 20+ years doing what..? Who will you be making happy then? You are the only person you'll never get rid of. You see yourself each day in the mirror, you deal with your own happiness/unhappiness. The fact of a career choice is not going to put your mother on her deathbed. She states things to dissuade you, but her arguments are-- by and large-- invalid.

Nurses in my area get like $112,000 salaries.

This may be the case, but do remember that right now the market is not job seeker friendly, and that is likely a median salary amount.

:bookworm: Have you ever read "The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua?......

_{by the end, Amy accepts what her daughter wants for herself and would rather love her daughter than end up estranged.}

Ruby Vee, BSN · Feb 5, 2014

Your mother won't "let" you be a nurse? How can she stop you?

You are the one who is going to be working at a job 40 hours a week for 40 years or more . . . you get to decide what that job will be. If you really want to be a nurse and are willing to pay for your own education of need be. But you are the one who is going to have to decide what you really want and what you're willing to give up to get it.

I cannot conceive of a mother disowning a child over choosing to be a nurse. (Choosing to be a drug dealer, yes, but nurse, no.) Yet parents have done so for that and even more frivolous reasons. My parents threatened to disown me if I married a Catholic. I not only married one, I AM one now. They didn't disown me.

Of course if your mother does disown you, you won't have to take care of her in her old age. Just sayin . . . .

VAgirl247 · Feb 5, 2014

Actually the hospital is one of the safest places to work as in security wise. I know that ER and Mental health in my hospital constantly have police officers running to each unit. My dad told me he didn't want me to apply to nursing school because he didn't think I'd hack it material wise. I am in week 5 and have made A's and B's on everything. :) Sometimes you'll just have to prove it to them. Now he hopes I'm a geriatric nurse one day >_> (not my area of interest, I want ER). They'll change their mind once they see how well you do at it and it shows on your face if you truly love it or not.

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Feb 5, 2014

Once you are in college, your mother doesn't need to "let" you do anything. You will be an adult. You will make your own decisions. If it were me, I'd lie to my mother and tell her I was majoring in pre-med and let her believe that. Then I'd graduate, take NCLEX, get a job and move out. I never once showed my transcript/grades to my mother when I was in college. Once, when on medical leave of absence from my primary university, I was taking two night classes at a different school. One of them was 5 hrs long at night and it ended up being too much with all the stuff I had going on. So I dropped the class. That was ten years ago and my Mom still thinks I took that class that semester. Oh well.

windsurfer8, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2014

I think this is a post by someone who is messing with people. It makes zero sense.

MrsStudentNurse · Feb 6, 2014

Well would she rather have you attend no school? Let her choose that one.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Feb 6, 2014

I think this is a post by someone who is messing with people. It makes zero sense.

Depending on the cultural inferences, yes this does occur. :whistling:

icecream4321 · Mar 13, 2015

Csu acceptance rate for nursing program is under 10% as well

For those who don't understand why her mun dislike the idea of being a nurse, it's a cultural thing

In some country, nurses are see as labor with no respect. It is shameful to tell people ur child is a nurse

Try to tell your mun about the role and decision making/ autonomy of being a nurse in the usa.

studentih · Mar 13, 2015

I am sorry she is making it hard for you! I kind of went through the same thing with my mom, but definitely no as extreme as your situation. My mom made me feel horrible about going to community college, but when she saw how good I was doing and how much less it cost she started to understand why I made the decisions that I made. Do what you heart desires! Working a job you hate is only going to make life horrible.

Now, I work with A TON of residents, doctors as well as medical students and you won't believe how many of them are married and pregnant and also under 30, so it's possible but it depends on how bad you want it. If you want to be a doctor, go for it! But if nursing is where you know you want to be, then that is what you should do. I don't know your mom personally, but I would hope that she would grow to love the fact that you are nurse, especially if she sees it makes you happy.

Good Luck!

IH

SunriseDay · Mar 13, 2015

If you think you can handle the biology, chemistry, physics, ect which are required courses to become a doctor, I would do that. If you find out that you cannot get high enough grades in the minimum courses to do pre-med, I would then choose nursing as a second choice. Always shoot for the highest you can be or go, then go lower if you find out it is too difficult. Then you won't have any regrets.

After RN, you can also do PA or NP (PA's usually require more science courses than NPs, however, so that's another reason to do pre-reqs for med school as you decide).

You might choose nursing, then regret not trying harder for other fields later (I'm in that boat). I've also faced the snobbery you've faced when it comes to nursing. I'm not sure what she's thinking about when it comes to Lawyer though. They have like 50-80% unemployment for new grads and like $150K of debt, then a possible median salary (IF they are hired) of like $50K. I see the snobbery from some relative that I don't even know who did nursing, then decided they hated it and became a full-time housewife, just bc they did it and now their husband is a radiologist who makes big $ and thinks nursing is for idiots. I think some areas of the country (as well as the cultural aspects) also can appreciate nursing more or less. Like on the West Coast nursing is highly desired and hard to get into, not so much for an O-O-S college in the south which I got into. There it's "whatever," at least that was my impression.

Doctors, IMO, do the "brainy" and decision-making. Realize they'll always be more appreciated probably. But, I would do the science classes and see how you cut it, then decide. There are plenty of back-up plans and you can even do pre-med as a non-science major. It's sad she's "turning up her nose to nursing" bc I've felt the same thing from relatives I don't even know or talk to anymore (like the one I mentioned e.g., which is stupid bc she was a nurse, and just happened to marry a Dr but whatever). Wait til you take a leave of absence for a year, then see what it's like to have 0 income and degrees which do nothing, and unemployed. Nursing will seem way, way, way better than that, and some college degrees are useless to get employment. She should be happy you are choosing a career which many desire right now. You can always go higher later on, too, like NP or PA. But I'd try doctor, personally.