My gut is telling me you are not a nurse

[ksc0723]

This is a second career for me and I am a smidge over 30. First career was to be a psychotherapist. The BS and MS education in psych was amazing. But practicing as a therapist did not turn out well (didn't realize how chronic mental illness is and did not have the patience for it). The same has gone for nursing. I loved my education (got an AAS) and have been an RN since May of 2010. I have gotten jobs in women's health (right where I wanted to be in NICU and postpartum). But I am already looking for something else to do and I am not even sure I know what that is. I keep thinking it's my schedule (I work nights) so I am constantly looking for something else. But the more I think about it, the more I realize I just don't want to be a nurse. The only thing I have discovered about myself is that I like to teach. I don't want to teach kids or high school or anything, but I really enjoy knowing a lot about the body and mind and teaching patients (or anyone for that matter about it as it relates to their own health or a family member or friends health). My problem is I don't know what to do with this knowledge. I already have 3 degrees and was contemplating a BSN because I only have a few classes to take and my hospital would pay for it. But, now I am not so sure.

The state of the economy does not help either. 5-6 years ago I would have thought nothing of dropping my hours as an RN and pursuing some other path, but now...not so much. For one, education is ridiculously expensive and I am not 20 anymore so the idea of going further into debt for another career change is daunting. I don't see a lot out there that I can do with my current education and experience. I dread going to work not because I hate my job necessarily but because I keep feeling like there is something else I am supposed to be doing with my life and this is just something to do in the meantime. I chose nursing not because I have a great passion for it but because I seriously didn't know what else to do and thought since I had the psych degrees doing something in healthcare would be a great bridge.

Again, I am glad for my education and work experience (I worked as a CNA since 2003 while going to school) and the area of healthcare is fascinating to me. I am just really depressed and not sure what my next move should be. BUt, I must admit this is how I have felt since I finished with my BS in 2002. In whatever moment I am in since I graduated college (the first time) I keep looking ahead for the next best thing or what can I work on next or what goal or area can I move onto down the road. I have never been satisfied with whatever it was I was doing. Even when getting my MS, I was already planning on a PhD or a PsyD. Then during nursing school, I was already thinking I'll be applying to NP or PA programs as soon as I can and only planned on getting a year or two of experience at the bedside. It's like no matter what I am doing, I am thinking or looking into the next step I can take.

I have discovered this about myself but am not sure what my next move should be. I keep choosing things I know at the time are only a stepping stone to the next best thing and are things I know I don't want to do for a career. I can specifically remember doing prereq's for nursing and complaining about how I did not look forward to the crap hospital schedules and all the other BS that goes along with being a bedside nurse.

I don't know if I am asking a question here or just rambling (probably rambling) but if anyone cane pick up on something in this post and see what I am obviously not seeing...I need help. I am miserable and not sure what to do.

Thanks

[canigraduate]

Sounds like your problem isn't with your jobs or careers at all, but is an internal conflict. Frankly, you sound depressed and confused. I think you should work out what it is you need and do some self-analysis and reflection before you start blindly searching for careers.

[SoCal student]

you sound A TON like me. Though i'm still a student (will have BSN in May), I have always felt the same way. Finished my BA in Psych and figured I'd go back to school for "something." Ended up at a prestigious grad school for something i just chose more-or-less randomly. Dropped out after a pretty terrible semester (major depression, anxiety). Saw career counselors, therapists, actually put some thought into it and pursued BSN. Have had a decent amount of depression/anxiety through the BSN and now it's gotten pretty bad but my only goal right now is to graduate in May.

I've taken a lot of **** for saying it but, sorry, nursing has never been my passion. I chose it for many reasons (though practicality was the number one). I'm just a tad younger than you and it was time to have some stability (financially and employment-wise). I like Rodoon's post:

"People make mistakes and there is no reason to keep repeating it over and over until it becomes the definition of insanity."

I'm seeing a therapist (yet again) and I've expressed this exact sentiment. I feel like I may just be going insane as I continue to do the same things (pursue things that aren't my "passion") while expecting different consequences. I keep telling myself I just need to finish school and start working but I'm sure worke will provide numerous more stressors that I won't be able to handle. I keep hoping the "flexibility" of nursing will provide some relief for that (finding my niche).

Your last post really resonates with me. You sound overwhelmed and extremely stressed/depressed. I often consider going back to bartending and it puts a huge smile on my face. I'm often tempted to check myself in somewhere on a 72-hr hold, figuring this will magically help me "figure it out." Some sort of forced enlightenment. But, I realize i'm just avoiding the real issues and romanticizing these other pathways to happiness. For me, honestly, I should have (hopefully still will) pursue my true passion: music. But i'm finishing school first. I couldn't handle the effects on my psyche of another failure.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

I have to go to work tonight and I am just dreading it. I wish I could call in. I wish I could take a fricken month off of work and take some time to sort through my head. Want to curl in ball. Maybe I should start searching out some restaurant jobs. Bartender sounds good.

Hopefully you are working three 12's and not relying on a stack of overtime.

Because on those other four days a week you could begin to spend some time doing something that you find fun and interesting.

Even if it's only on a volunteer basis.

Do you enjoy animals? Fitness? Fashion? Music? Art? Food? Beauty? Hospitality? Sport?

I am thinking you need to start finding something you enjoy by keeping it simple and low risk for now. Don't give up the day job until you have better perspective on this situation.

There is nothing wrong doing something for yourself. And there's nothing wrong with doing something superficial for a change (from nursing).

Nurses run around looking after everybody's needs and often neglect their own.

Best wishes to you

[ksc0723]

you sound A TON like me. Though i'm still a student (will have BSN in May), I have always felt the same way. Finished my BA in Psych and figured I'd go back to school for "something." Ended up at a prestigious grad school for something i just chose more-or-less randomly. Dropped out after a pretty terrible semester (major depression, anxiety). Saw career counselors, therapists, actually put some thought into it and pursued BSN. Have had a decent amount of depression/anxiety through the BSN and now it's gotten pretty bad but my only goal right now is to graduate in May.

I've taken a lot of **** for saying it but, sorry, nursing has never been my passion. I chose it for many reasons (though practicality was the number one). I'm just a tad younger than you and it was time to have some stability (financially and employment-wise). I like Rodoon's post:

"People make mistakes and there is no reason to keep repeating it over and over until it becomes the definition of insanity."

I'm seeing a therapist (yet again) and I've expressed this exact sentiment. I feel like I may just be going insane as I continue to do the same things (pursue things that aren't my "passion") while expecting different consequences. I keep telling myself I just need to finish school and start working but I'm sure worke will provide numerous more stressors that I won't be able to handle. I keep hoping the "flexibility" of nursing will provide some relief for that (finding my niche).

Your last post really resonates with me. You sound overwhelmed and extremely stressed/depressed. I often consider going back to bartending and it puts a huge smile on my face. I'm often tempted to check myself in somewhere on a 72-hr hold, figuring this will magically help me "figure it out." Some sort of forced enlightenment. But, I realize i'm just avoiding the real issues and romanticizing these other pathways to happiness. For me, honestly, I should have (hopefully still will) pursue my true passion: music. But i'm finishing school first. I couldn't handle the effects on my psyche of another failure.

I know I am depressed. I have felt my every day motivation slipping away. As much as I want to look for something else, I think working NOC's is a big culprit. Before nights I actually cleaned my house, ran errands, cooked things (sometimes) exercised, took great care of my pets. Now, not at all. I even considered hiring a cleaning lady to clean my house because I have no motivation to do so. I need to get the hell off of nights first and foremost and clear my head. Unfortunately the seniority list is 10 years long for days on my unit!!!!! What to do about that, I have absolutely no idea.

[nsue]

Don't give up there is so much to do in nursing. I like teaching too and am thinking about teaching cna/cma classes. You never know what will come along

[AgentBeast, MSN, RN]

I don't know about all this nurse business, but my gut is telling me I probably should not have eaten the spicy chili for lunch.

[mom35]

I dont have advice, but I can somewhat relate. No matter what I use to do, I always felt I "should" be doing something else. I always use to think there was a more exciting time anywhere else but where I am. Much of this was because I had a difficult time calming my mind and I am constantly thinking, sometimes it is exhausting. I started meditating and it has helped me realise that I can be happy and content in the present moment. I am not saying that it would solve your situation, but if you dont already, maybe give meditation a try!

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

Question for you: do you have a malcontent personality?

"Malcontent" sounds bad, but it's the best and most accurate word I can think of for someone who gets bored with the status quo easily. In your posts you mentioned various degrees, at least one career change, not liking the current career after a year, thinking about going into teaching, etc.

I have a bit of a malcontent personality myself, but my responsibilities to my family provided a lot of temperance to my desire to just do Something Different. With a capital S and D because it didn't matter what it was as long as it was Something Different.

You jokingly mentioned bartending, but somehow, I don't think that was completely a joke. It was just Something Different.

Before you bail on nursing, take a look at all the options you have with RN behind your name. It holds a lot of variety for a single profession. It also offers mobility when the economy is good.

If any of my assumptions sound right to you, then maybe you just need to come to terms with your own chronic dissatisfaction and fill your time between working with various things that you can find fulfilling at the moment.

Hope you find what you are looking for. But, if you are truly malcontented, you might never find it because it doesn't exist for you.

[ksc0723]

Question for you: do you have a malcontent personality?

"Malcontent" sounds bad, but it's the best and most accurate word I can think of for someone who gets bored with the status quo easily. In your posts you mentioned various degrees, at least one career change, not liking the current career after a year, thinking about going into teaching, etc.

I have a bit of a malcontent personality myself, but my responsibilities to my family provided a lot of temperance to my desire to just do Something Different. With a capital S and D because it didn't matter what it was as long as it was Something Different.

You jokingly mentioned bartending, but somehow, I don't think that was completely a joke. It was just Something Different.

Before you bail on nursing, take a look at all the options you have with RN behind your name. It holds a lot of variety for a single profession. It also offers mobility when the economy is good.

If any of my assumptions sound right to you, then maybe you just need to come to terms with your own chronic dissatisfaction and fill your time between working with various things that you can find fulfilling at the moment.

Hope you find what you are looking for. But, if you are truly malcontented, you might never find it because it doesn't exist for you.

Very interesting. I definitely have never felt content. I don't even know what that would look like. I almost feel like that is a bad thing. Like if I were content, I would see that as a failure because I am not working towards some new goal. I'm a virgo by the way.

My mind over the past year it seems always goes to the negative. It's like my thought process has shifted and I automatically think of how whatever thoughts or ideas I have how is it going to make things more difficult for me or what kind of hardship or work is it going to cause me. I can't see bright sided anymore. Only more work, more stress, more negative. Ugh:confused:

[Creamsoda, ASN, RN]

I totally understand. I went into nursing right out of high school having always wanting to be in healthcare. I've been a nurse 6 years now. Ive recently been thinking a lot about my career and my satisfaction. I will say I don't mind being a nurse, my current job I love. I work adult critical care and rapid response team and I'm good at it. If I didn't like my job and my managers as much as I do now I don't know what I would do.

Its hard to explain but Ive started to feel somewhat disconnected. I see people come in and they almost just seem like a human body with a medical problem. I feel like I'm loosing the personalization which I don't think is good. I also don't like how the medical field is going with the "we can save everyone" attitude. I could do a specialty change but I do like my job for the most part, but I also really feel like at some point I just need out of the healthcare field. What I could do I don't know. So if you ever figure out which direction you want to go let me know! Its tough. Guess its just going to take a lot of intropection and thought. But I definitely understand the struggle.

[Creamsoda, ASN, RN]

Also you mentioned you wish you could take a month off, why don't you try to work out getting time off, or a short LOA and take a trip somewhere overseas. I would do it if I had the money and one day I plan on it

[Sunshinepeds]

I recently read a good book called "Quitter" by John Acuff. Although the title is a little off-putting it turned out to be very good. Addresses these kind of issues and really helped me to reframe my career goals. Hope that helps!

Sunshine peds(formerly SMS)