This is a second career for me and I am a smidge over 30. First career was to be a psychotherapist. The BS and MS education in psych was amazing. But practicing as a therapist did not turn out well (didn't realize how chronic mental illness is and did not have the patience for it). The same has gone for nursing. I loved my education (got an AAS) and have been an RN since May of 2010. I have gotten jobs in women's health (right where I wanted to be in NICU and postpartum). But I am already looking for something else to do and I am not even sure I know what that is. I keep thinking it's my schedule (I work nights) so I am constantly looking for something else. But the more I think about it, the more I realize I just don't want to be a nurse. The only thing I have discovered about myself is that I like to teach. I don't want to teach kids or high school or anything, but I really enjoy knowing a lot about the body and mind and teaching patients (or anyone for that matter about it as it relates to their own health or a family member or friends health). My problem is I don't know what to do with this knowledge. I already have 3 degrees and was contemplating a BSN because I only have a few classes to take and my hospital would pay for it. But, now I am not so sure.
The state of the economy does not help either. 5-6 years ago I would have thought nothing of dropping my hours as an RN and pursuing some other path, but now...not so much. For one, education is ridiculously expensive and I am not 20 anymore so the idea of going further into debt for another career change is daunting. I don't see a lot out there that I can do with my current education and experience. I dread going to work not because I hate my job necessarily but because I keep feeling like there is something else I am supposed to be doing with my life and this is just something to do in the meantime. I chose nursing not because I have a great passion for it but because I seriously didn't know what else to do and thought since I had the psych degrees doing something in healthcare would be a great bridge.
Again, I am glad for my education and work experience (I worked as a CNA since 2003 while going to school) and the area of healthcare is fascinating to me. I am just really depressed and not sure what my next move should be. BUt, I must admit this is how I have felt since I finished with my BS in 2002. In whatever moment I am in since I graduated college (the first time) I keep looking ahead for the next best thing or what can I work on next or what goal or area can I move onto down the road. I have never been satisfied with whatever it was I was doing. Even when getting my MS, I was already planning on a PhD or a PsyD. Then during nursing school, I was already thinking I'll be applying to NP or PA programs as soon as I can and only planned on getting a year or two of experience at the bedside. It's like no matter what I am doing, I am thinking or looking into the next step I can take.
I have discovered this about myself but am not sure what my next move should be. I keep choosing things I know at the time are only a stepping stone to the next best thing and are things I know I don't want to do for a career. I can specifically remember doing prereq's for nursing and complaining about how I did not look forward to the crap hospital schedules and all the other BS that goes along with being a bedside nurse.
I don't know if I am asking a question here or just rambling (probably rambling) but if anyone cane pick up on something in this post and see what I am obviously not seeing...I need help. I am miserable and not sure what to do.
first of all, thank you for an awesome thread. I graduated from school and less than a year into Nsg really didn't like it at all. I worked in a low paying second career for about a year then sick of being dirt-dog poor, went back to nsg.
I can tell you I have found nights and pulling extra shifts really exacerbate my depression. Mine is clinical and gets dark n deep.
I have found eight hour evening shifts perfect for me. I am awake, energetic and don't resent going to work. I hate getting up in the am. I mean hate it. I am not a morning person. I am a stay awake till about 2am then sleep, and I need 9 to 10 hours sometimes 11 if I've had to do the occasional night shift.
Eight hours provide me with structure. I need a deadline to be productive for some reason. Having to go to work later makes me motivated to get up and do some fun stuff before I go in.
I also found I like to work by myself with little supervison and interaction with people but not all 8 hours..it doesn't always work that way, but it does often enough. This is all I, I, I. sorry bought that.
Just start by trying out days, see if the depression lifts or if you need more help with that part.
A big part of the disatisfaction for me, is I felt I shoud "be somebody" "something more"
I think now, Nsg scares the crap out of me, there are so many ways to mess up, hurt someone, lose the license. I used seeking, wishing, planning for another career to distract myself.
If I really didn't love and care deeply about Nsg, it wouldn't hurt me if I wasn't perfect and getting all sorts of clinical recognition.
I have spent a ton of money on therapy and even did an inpt stint to see if that would help me with underlying issues bogging me down. I worked my behind off. Didn't help much.
I work up one day and realized half my life was gone and I could never get it back. Things other people took for granted I didn't and never would experience. Having children, being married. All stuff I was putting off until I was "someone special in my dream career"
I wish I could tell you the answer. I have found taking a hobby to the next level taught me that it too, lost its shine when I spent 8 hours a day in classes painting, drawing...shoot, that's a lot of stress and work. What I loved most became work and a source of anxiety, frustration and stress!
Good luck, you certainly helped me to verbalize what I am experiencing.
Knowing I am not alone in this struggle helps a great deal. I found the other posts really interesting and helpful. I'm in there pullin for you.
Not a personal attack at all but it sounds like you need some spiritual guidance, maybe you need to figure out why your never content or satisfied with anything before you make another career decision. Maybe its not the careers you pick but it might just be you. Take some time if possible to figure out what you are really trying to accomplish in life.
There is currently a clinic day position available that I have applied to. Is there any way I can talk to my NM or HR about being placed in this job considering I am having such difficulties with NOC's? Can they do that? I know seniority is seniority but this is a hospital wide and community wide position posting. What are my options with that? Any thoughts?
At my hospital there is a rule with HR that you have to be in a position for atleast a year to transfer and if you are not, its up to your current manager to grant permission. Contact HR to find out. Plus you would need to apply to the clinic position and basically have the spot open for you in order to start moving on the transfer. It sounds like this could be a lower stress position that will give you some time to focus on yourself while you are still working as an RN and bringing in income. Plus its days. I do think working night shift could definitely be contributing to underlying issues that have been brought to the surface. You might even find that you like it. No you are not "saving lives" but I like the fact that in this kind of setting, there is a start, middle, end. You can check tasks off of lists and feel satisfied that you are doing your job and actually completing the work that you began, and that doesn't happen so efficiently in the inpatient setting. I do alot of newborn care, asthma teaching, etc. I notice that people are much happier in this setting and more appreciative of the assistance that you give them b/c their own stress is lower. I work in med surg and a peds clinic. I feel a whole lot less like a servant vs. a nurse in the clinic then I do in med surg. Even though I do more "nursey" stuff in med surge.
It's funny, your professional trajectory sounds identical to mine -- numerous degrees, interesting jobs, a crushing sense of not being where I wanted to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing, always looking for the next thing. The right thing.
Ironically, that long frustrating search landed me in nursing, which for me, was exactly what I felt like I had been searching for my whole life. My only regret is that I didn't get here sooner.
I guess what I'm saying is that I understand your frustration and impatience, but there is something about being where you are now that is going to require you to allow this to unfold organically so that you land where you need to be at the time when you are most prepared to be there.
You are young, you are smart, and well educated, and you have a sense of what you are looking for, even if it hasn't solidified. If you enjoy being an educator, maybe you should examine what it is about that area that appeals to you on a deeper, more personal level -- what kind of interactions do you find fullfilling, what knd of skills do you enjoy using, what areas do you enjoy learning about, etc.
You might find something that isn't specifically about teaching, but meets the needs that you associate with that profession. I know for me, nursing was a radical departure from what I was doing, and most of the people I knew back then are completely baffled by how I ended up doing this, and can't relate to it at all.
It's empowering to find your niche, but it's a process, and more difficult for some of us than for others.
I am really hoping to get a clinic job asap and get off of nights. I like my job and my crew on nights but I just can't do this hospital schedule anymore. I feel like if I could get off nights, I could then refocus my energy and start to delve deeper into what I am so desperately searching for. I think I want to stay in healthcare, just not as a bedside nurse working in a 24/7 hospital. Thanks again for all the replies. I feel less crazy since others have stated they have felt the same way!!!!
nola1202
587 Posts
first of all, thank you for an awesome thread. I graduated from school and less than a year into Nsg really didn't like it at all. I worked in a low paying second career for about a year then sick of being dirt-dog poor, went back to nsg.
I can tell you I have found nights and pulling extra shifts really exacerbate my depression. Mine is clinical and gets dark n deep.
I have found eight hour evening shifts perfect for me. I am awake, energetic and don't resent going to work. I hate getting up in the am. I mean hate it. I am not a morning person. I am a stay awake till about 2am then sleep, and I need 9 to 10 hours sometimes 11 if I've had to do the occasional night shift.
Eight hours provide me with structure. I need a deadline to be productive for some reason. Having to go to work later makes me motivated to get up and do some fun stuff before I go in.
I also found I like to work by myself with little supervison and interaction with people but not all 8 hours..it doesn't always work that way, but it does often enough. This is all I, I, I. sorry bought that.
Just start by trying out days, see if the depression lifts or if you need more help with that part.
A big part of the disatisfaction for me, is I felt I shoud "be somebody" "something more"
I think now, Nsg scares the crap out of me, there are so many ways to mess up, hurt someone, lose the license. I used seeking, wishing, planning for another career to distract myself.
If I really didn't love and care deeply about Nsg, it wouldn't hurt me if I wasn't perfect and getting all sorts of clinical recognition.
I have spent a ton of money on therapy and even did an inpt stint to see if that would help me with underlying issues bogging me down. I worked my behind off. Didn't help much.
I work up one day and realized half my life was gone and I could never get it back. Things other people took for granted I didn't and never would experience. Having children, being married. All stuff I was putting off until I was "someone special in my dream career"
I wish I could tell you the answer. I have found taking a hobby to the next level taught me that it too, lost its shine when I spent 8 hours a day in classes painting, drawing...shoot, that's a lot of stress and work. What I loved most became work and a source of anxiety, frustration and stress!
Good luck, you certainly helped me to verbalize what I am experiencing.
Knowing I am not alone in this struggle helps a great deal. I found the other posts really interesting and helpful. I'm in there pullin for you.