Must... Find... Food...

Samantha Harris

Agency Girl is feeling the pinch from The Drought of Low Census.

**Ring**

"Hello?"

"Hi, Agency Girl. They don't need anybody. You've been cancelled." The disembodied voice is quiet and toneless.

Sigh. "Thanks," I say, and bite my lip.

Crap. That's six in a row.

I call the other three agencies in town, hoping for the best.

"Any needs?" I ask, waiting for the inevitable negative.

"No." "Unh-unh." "Nada."

"No shift for you!" Bummed, I put the phone in my pocket and crank up my favorite mood lifting music.

I trudge over to the fridge, hoping that there has been a miracle since the last time I opened the door.

Nope. The universe hates me today. Buddy, the Wonder Poodle, runs over and helps me hunt.

I find the sad carcass of a cucumber, some slimy lettuce, and a wedge of cheddar that's only green on one end. Buddy sniffs my bounty twice, turns up his nose, growls, and runs to hide under the bed.

I think there are still a couple of crackers in the cabinet. I may be able to get a snack out of this, hopefully one that I won't woof back up. I kick the door shut.

I stalk over to the computer, drop into the chair, and check out my bank account. My jaw drops.

That can't be right. Blink, blink.

I clear the cache, shut down the browser, reboot, and try again. No change.

"Mama needs a new job, Buddy." Buddy whines from under the bed in sympathy. He's running low on treats, which is a disaster on the same level as running out of toilet paper.

It's utter pandelirium!

I search the local job listings. Some more per diems have opened up since this time last week, so I tweak my profiles and cover letters and resubmit. Maybe I'll get a call this week.

I check my email to see if I had any hits on the furniture and TV I put up for sale.

"Big money, big money, no whammy!" I screech out my mom's favorite battle cry. I have no idea what it means, but she wins at Baptist Bingo all the time.

"Let's see... you'll send me $4,000 if I send you $400. Trash! The Prince of Nigeria requests your assistance...Trash! Viagra for vixens...Eeeew. Double trash!"

At least the fake Nigerian prince is hot.

My stomach rumbles. I've already skipped too many meals in the last week and my scrubs are getting a little loose. I wonder how the food bank downtown works. But, that's Plan E. I'm not quite there yet.

Time for Plan D.

I practice soulful looks in the mirror and adjust my top to hide my tattoo. No point in antagonizing anyone. I wash my face and try to look young and pitiful.

To the Skype!

**Ring**

"Hello?"

"Hi, Daddy..."

-------

Agency Girl is going through what I like to call The Drought of Low Census. One of the more common problems of being an agency nurse is the unpredictability of shifts. In high census times, you could work seven days a week. In low census times, well... Have a backup plan.

Most hospitals have a predictable fluctuating pattern, with lower census in the summer. Many hospitals in rural and suburban areas have wildly swinging census patterns that go up and down depending on the travel patterns of their citizens. Examples are the "snowbirds" that desert their summer homes every fall and flock to warmer climates in the winter, and the migratory workers that swoop in during harvest time and follow the seasonal crops.

Some strategies that have kept food on my table include working with multiple agencies, landing local contracts, block booking, diversifying, and, of course, getting a "real" full-time job.

(Agency Girl: Scoff. Why would I want a real job? You have to work holidays and weekends! And do mandatory education. And see the same people all the time. And deal with the politics - super yuck!

Me: Shush! Busy here!! One of us has to make some dough.)

What is a local contract, you ask? It is basically traveling in your own city. You get the same 13 week commitment, minus the housing stipend. You are guaranteed shifts per your contract. All on the same unit, too, which is nice.

How about block booking? This is like a short contract, except for the contract. You aren't guaranteed any shifts. You sign up for 3 shifts a week for four weeks. It's a lot like being a PRN float employee, so you basically cover all the units you are qualified for. It's best to be qualified for a lot. All agencies need specialty nurses like ICU, Tele, NICU, etc. If the hospital needs you, you go in. If the hospital is overstaffed, you are the first to be cancelled.

The main thing is to be flexible. Get oriented with all the healthcare systems each agency covers and have 5-6 days a week available. Be prepared to commute. Look into diversification options, such as teaching clinicals at the local diploma mi- *cough* - career colleges for ADN RNs, LPNs, or CNAs, depending on your license and degree. You can also sign up for multiple types of positions, if you are comfortable, doing LTC, LTACH, SNF, rehab, corrections, etc.

For all of you experienced agency nurses out there, what advice would you give to any newbies or wannabe newbies experiencing The Drought? What other options have I left out?

Also, submit your suggestions for an Agency Girl adventure. At the end of the month, I will pick the one I think I can write a whole article on, do a special edition, and give you credit for the idea.

Look for Agency Girl's next adventure when she finally gets a shift and goes to an unfamiliar unit for the first time.

Must... Find... Food...

About Samantha Harris

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