I had always wanted to work with pediatric oncology kids but when actually faced with the opportunity I was very hesitant. What if I messed something up? What if I wasn't able to give the parents and child the support and answers they needed? Despite all of my fears, I went through the oncology certification course.
I began my orientation with other, more experienced nurses. After a few weeks, I was on my own. Once I became familiar with the chemotherapy, protocols, diseases, and families I came to love working with oncology patients. They are an amazing group of families. So strong with beautiful spirits. Of course, Murphy's Law is a cruel reminder that we've become too comfortable with our environment and once again I was thrust into the unknown.
I will never forget the first time I met Mary (name changed). She was 17 years old. She had a brain tumor that had come back 4 times over her lifetime. By now she was blind because the tumor was pressing on her ocular nerves. Mary was the 2nd oldest of 5 girls.
What a wonderful family they were.
So kind but scared of Mary's impending death.
You see, Mary was in the hospital to die. Mary's tumor was inoperable and did not respond to treatment. The family held a meeting and it was decided, by Mary's sisters, that they weren't comfortable with her dying at home. I, too, was uncomfortable.
I had never taken care of someone on hospice.
What if I didn't have the right answers?
What if watching someone die was so scary and horrible that I couldn't face being a nurse anymore?
Over the next few weeks, I took care of Mary and grew very fond of her and her family. One afternoon I walked into Mary's room to do my assessment. Her mom pulled me aside and told me that Mary had started "seeing things."
I asked what kind of things was she seeing, thinking that perhaps she was having hallucinations from the narcotics that she was receiving.
Mary's mom proceeded to tell me that Mary had asked her "who are those children in here?
Don't you see them, momma?"
Mary's mom didn't see anyone else in the room. In the weeks preceding Mary's death, she had more frequent interactions with the children in her room. One morning, it was reported that Mary told her mom "tell that man to go away! I'm not ready to leave yet!"
It was then, that we realized Mary was seeing angels and Jesus. What an amazing gift for someone to experience before their death. I took care of Mary the night of her death. She was frightened. She was afraid that dying would hurt. She was scared to leave her parents and sisters. Her mom climbed into bed with her.
Lying next to her she told Mary "it's okay Mary. Go with the angels now. We love you so much. Don't be scared."
It was the most heart-wrenching scene I have ever witnessed.
Mary did go with the angels shortly after that. I feel incredibly privileged to have experienced Mary and her family and their journey to her death. What I once viewed as a scary life event I now view as one that can be peaceful and joyous with angels and Jesus coming to take you to heaven where there is no pain.
Catholics don't believe in being "saved" and they do not think that just faith will get you to heaven. It's faith in cooperation with good works. Catholics have to confess their sins to a priest to have them absolved.
Welllllllllllll, for her to have doubts about her life, I believe the Holy Spirit was speaking to this lady's heart, in her last hours, and letting her know that at that point, time for good works was over. It was too late for that, and the nurse did the right thing by praying the prayer of salvation with her.
And as for having to confess sins to the priest for absolution, well, again I know that if she were in the woods being attacked by a bear, God would NOT require a priest to be there to hear her confession. I would bet my paycheck that there have been many Catholics (and otherwise) in a situation of dying, crying out to God and confessing their hearts.
We can argue this point all day long, but in the end, I would rather take a chance on 'making the mistake', for she is D-Y-I-N-G!!!! Not coming back...not given another chance.
Oh I agree that it was good in the moment to pray with her, and if in the end this woman was comforted, then the nurse probably did the right thing. But she wasn't in her last dying moments; she lived for two more days. that's plenty of time, to me, to try to accommodate her religion. I understand that some people may not agree.
And hey, as long as the nurse provided comfort to her patient...that's all that really counts in the end.
I was just noting that in certain situations you have to be careful about what people believe when their beliefs are divergent from yours, because if this woman had been a very devout Catholic, even if in spiritual distress, she might have been pretty offended if she was told those particular things.
Thank you for the story. We are non-religious family, but when my 11 year old daughter was dying her brain tumor, she was debating with people in her room. They told her secrets that she could not share with me (lol) and she kept telling them forcefully to go away. After a couple hours of debate, she told them in a soft voice, "Fine, I'll stay".
The hospice nurse had told us she would die within the hour. She didn't. In fact, the next day she woke up and she was relatively lucid the next 6 days. We made a cake in her easy bake that she got for the holiday, we went to the movies twice and we took her out for a birthday lunch with 13 of our friends. We got to do ALL sorts of things we wouldn't have been able to do. I'm so grateful.
Whoever or however it works, I KNOW she debated for more time to stay here. It was actually very comforting for me to feel like she wasn't going by herself. It might be angels, it might be ghosts, it might be brain impulses that keep going off... regardless it was comforting.
Every story I read like this reinforces that I wasn't just imagining all this. LOL
I'm suprised that my post touched off such a debate. To be honest, I never really thought about any of the points that y'all have brought up. My point in this post was that my experience with this young lady and her family forever changed the way that I view death and dying. And I am a better person and nurse for it.
With all due respect, are you saying you work with the dying and haven't experienced a situation such as described? It has nothing to do with "projecting personal beliefs." Perhaps it is a matter of seeing and hearing and NOT trying to reason it away. As we were taught, the experience is what the patient says it is.
Besides if the thought brings a patient comfort in their final hours, or peace to a grieving family, is that a bad thing?
What we are being taught is that reality is what the patient perceives it to be. And that is what we deal with. Wether we believe it to be true or not in a way doesn't really matter. Our reality and experience may be different, but it's the patient's reality that we need to validate.
Specializes in Geriatrics, med/surg, LTC surveyor.
That was a beautiful story. I have been with some of my patients. I could swear I felt the presence of someone else in the room. I once had a near death so I believe in angels.
Your story and the replies from other nurses who cared for terminally ill people really compell me. I had an experience when I was 12 years old I will never forget. My grandmother was dying in the hospital of bone cancer. She was such a huge part of my life and I was closer to her than anyone else, even my parents. I was holding her hand and telling her what I had done in school that day when she passed. I felt her hand go limp and I looked at her, with a peaceful smile on her face. She had been in so much pain. Anyway, I looked at my parents who were crying and some how, felt myself come out of my body and saw them from the ceiling. I can't explain it, but I clearly saw myself, my parents, and my grandmother for a few seconds from above the room. I felt no sorrow, just peace. I quietly said "I will go tell everyone she is gone (in the waiting room)." I was able to walk to the door then I felt like I crashed down into my body and starting to sob. I know it sounds crazy but it did happen to me. I can't figure out how but I feel like her spirit clung to me for a brief couple of seconds before she went to heaven. That night, I had a very clear dream. I walked down this dark tunnel holding her hand. When we got to the end, there was a bright light. She stopped and looked at me and said "I have to go now, But I will be watching over you." And then she walked into the light and I woke up. I have never had any kind of experience like this before or since.
I have heard of people having these out of body experiences. My mother was in a bad bicycle accident as a child. She says she remembers the accident perfectly but says she watched the entire accident from above. She says she did not feel any pain at the time of the accident. Apparently these type of experiences happen during times of extreme stress or trauma. It is a way of coping. Very interesting what the mind can do.
Specializes in psych, forensics, corrections, SANE..
To Litina, An open mind means to be receptive to new thoughts and ideas. It allows ideas, thoughts and beliefs to flow without opinion. It really is not a matter of questioning because you allow the information to come without opinions or questions both of which would stifle the flow and experience. Questions and opinions come when you are holding on too tight possibly out of fear.:heartbeat
what brings you to the conclusion that it is the angels and Jesus that the girl saw and not ghosts.... XD
It's called Faith.
Thus faithistheessence or foundation of things hoped for. Faithis knowing that what you hope for is going to happen because God said it is going to happen.
dbscandy
116 Posts
Welllllllllllll, for her to have doubts about her life, I believe the Holy Spirit was speaking to this lady's heart, in her last hours, and letting her know that at that point, time for good works was over. It was too late for that, and the nurse did the right thing by praying the prayer of salvation with her.
And as for having to confess sins to the priest for absolution, well, again I know that if she were in the woods being attacked by a bear, God would NOT require a priest to be there to hear her confession. I would bet my paycheck that there have been many Catholics (and otherwise) in a situation of dying, crying out to God and confessing their hearts.
We can argue this point all day long, but in the end, I would rather take a chance on 'making the mistake', for she is D-Y-I-N-G!!!! Not coming back...not given another chance.