Messed up bad.....

audreysmagic, RN · Oct 25, 2017

Best wishes to you, OP. I'm not in recovery, myself - had the fortune to not struggle with substance abuse - but I work in behavioral health, often with the detox side of things, and I've seen how horrible addiction can be. You mention your child - the best thing you can do for him is to get clean! And, while I'm not familiar with Ohio's supervision and recovery program, so I'll defer to those who do, I will say that some of the BEST detox/rehab nurses and counselors I've worked with were stable in recovery themselves.

Ben_Dover · Oct 25, 2017

.... Problem is my back kept hurting but I didn't want to go back and ask for more because I'm a nurse and thought it was a conflict. So I started skimming them off patients. I'm from a small town and a I ran into a former friend who was into street drugs and said it was cheap. I reasoned it that at least I wasn't stealing from my patients. It got to where I was doing it daily to get through the day....I don't know how I got here. My supervisor got suspicious and called me into HR and I took a UA hoping that I would be clean because it had been a day or two. .... I worked so hard to get my degree and now it's all gone.

I wasn't going to make this comment but I had to.

I don't think you had the accountability and responsibility right from the start. You probably would have not stop either. Honestly, I'm glad you got busted!

I will be surprised if a fellow member of Allnurses defends your action and one may say that I lack sympathy or compassion. I do but only for cases like this.

--- It is inexcusable---

We all make mistakes. But what you did was intentional. As I mentioned, I'm really glad you got caught. And I hope you did not cause any harm to any of your patients while you were under the influence. "You, as a Nurse" should know better.

I'm not an Angel nor Perfect. But I tell you this, I will not do something intentionally stupid to waste what I worked hard for, my family, my livelihood and my future!

Sounds to me you're now all polite and sorry just cause you got caught!

P.s.

Tonya36rn, ADN You wrote:

"Awesome advice! No one is exempt. It can happen to anyone..."

Well, I sure hope not! Sweet Mother Of Hairless Baby Jessie, Please Help Them!

Lisacar130 · Oct 26, 2017

You know what... what are you doing on a recovery board with your judgemental attitude? Perhaps you also have a sickness. Sorry, but there isn't an expert in the field that would agree with you.

You probably don't know this, but there are brain changes that occur with the addiction process. The higher functioning part of your brain that makes rational decisions stops working and the reptilian/survival part of your brain takes over. It looks like it's intentional to an outsider but it isn't. The OP said this started with prescription medication and escalated from there, and yes this could happen to anyone. Some people's brain chemistry is set up to be more susceptible to addiction, and for others something devestating happens which also changes their brain chemistry and makes them more susceptible to addiction.

purplechick1977 · Oct 26, 2017

I don't know about your state, but in NY we have a few programs to help nurses with addiction. I am in the same boat as you as far as diverting medications from residents. I know a lot of other nurses from the recovery support group have been able to retain or re-instate their licenses after completing a program. It is a long process and I've not had my last court appointment, but I am currently in outpatient drug rehab with support group meetings and counseling. Sadly, addiction is all too common among nurses. I'm lucky that my employer is willing to work with me to keep my license intact but I know there will be many restrictions in place. Stay positive and take life 1 day at a time.

missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN · Oct 26, 2017

Ben_Dover (ha), if no one lost anything with illegal drug or ETOH abuse, no one would ever stop. Your argument is a moot point and condescending.

aflahe00 · Oct 26, 2017

go to your states board of nursing website and read up on what they do. You need to get into monitoring asap you should self report unless you have already been reported by your employer. If and I do mean if you complete monitoring you will not be reported to the board and no disciplinary actions will be placed on you as long as your in doing what you need to do.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 27, 2017

Most, if not all, states have Nurse/health care provider-in- Recovery programs that you can get into to get help while retaining your license. From what I understand, these programs are not easy to go through and stay in, but at least they offer hope and recovery for you while you work. Some jobs are better for addicts, where narcotics are not administered. I have a couple of close nurse friends who went through such programs successfully and came out so much better and happier, and are in practice today.

If I were in your place, I would come clean, contact the BON and see if there is a program in your state and find out how to get started.

I am sorry you are in this place. NO ONE grows up saying they want to be addict when they become adults. It's complicated and often genetic/familial as well as situational.

You can begin attending Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous ---- (yes drug addicts and those with multiple substance addictions can attend AA)-----in the meantime. Most state programs require regular attendance at 12-step meetings, I believe, as well as some form of Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program. You will be busy attending a lot of meetings and will need a job where it's accepted you are participating and work around your having to do this program.

I have attended Al-Anon ( I am a child of alcoholics) and working the 12 steps helped me greatly.

And you can see there , you are not alone and learn coping skills to move to recovery.

I wish you the best.

One day at a time, you can do this. I know many in my family and friends' circles who have been in successful recovery for years.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 27, 2017

Roughly 10% of all U.S. citizens---in all economic, social, racial, every strata of society---- struggle with substance addiction. This would include health care providers. It's not a "bad-people" thing, but a brain disease. I don't think it's right to be judgmental here. This person needs help and encouragement, not harsh words. JMHO.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 27, 2017

I'm not sure if there's a number to call. Right now I'm just waiting to be contacted and scouring the BON site for answers. I know there's a program here but the site is so vague....or maybe it's just me panicking? I don't know. I will contact my supervisor to ask about a number. Thank you.

DO NOT wait to be contacted. Self-report. I think it would go better for you if you did.

IrishCMSRN, BSN, RN · Oct 30, 2017

Talk to an attorney before you go any further. You may be able to avoid self reporting to BON and avoid Year's of misery and cost! Im not saying you should not get help from a recovery program but be very cautious signing up for any "voluntary" board programs. I'm now restarting my entire program from scratch because I drank a glass of wine. Never mind that I had been clean for 4 years of narcotics. These programs are designed to make you fail. The BON does not want impaired nurses in its ranks! If I could go back in time I would never have listened to my nurse manager and would have called an attorney first. I will never be free from this program because I'm moving to another state and will then have to do that states program... good luck in your recovery and be smarter than I was !!

Lisacar130 · Oct 30, 2017

Attorneys are almost always going to suggest that you also self report. I self reported AND had an attorney. My attorney told me to self report (I already did). My attorney was simply there to help promote evidence that I am in recovery. You guys can't get away with drug use and think an attorney is going to get you off Scott free.

Nurses who fight the board almost always end up in a monitoring program anyway... usually the same exact program or longer AND get a permanent mark on their license that never goes away and makes getting a job very difficult. Most states use this volunteer program as an alternative to discipline (no mark on license if you complete it successfully). I'm on year 2 of 3 and haven't had any problems.

I would *only* recommend fighting the board if you truely are innocent AND can prove it. The board isn't stupid and you can't outsmart them.

3ringnursing, BSN · Oct 31, 2017

OHRN2011 I screwed up still in the first 3 months after starting my first RN job - how's that for a spectacular screw up? But I did everything I needed to do, and life went on (and 23 years later I'm still an RN).

Eventually I even discovered that although I screwed up, I myself was not a screw up. In fact, my fall may have saved my life - but that story is for another time ...

You have a lot of work ahead of you, and perhaps some self reflection, but it sounds like you could use the time to stop feeling guilt, and self flagellating.

Many of us ended up in recovery because of acute pain being chronic - then becoming something else all together. There is no shame in what happened to you. You are as human as the next person, and not less of anything because of this experience.

You can get through this, and you will. Your nursing career is not forfeit. You are still you, although you who has just been through the worst secret experience of your life. What you have ahead of you may not be fun, but it will be healing. This is not a penance, it is a chance to recover from a lot more than just this (it took me years and years to figure that out).

And if you're lucky you may even live to be as old and crusty as me.

*

For the record I did the voluntary diversion option (CANDO): 3 years seems like a long time, but it's not. If you dot every 'I' and cross every 'T' it is totally doable.

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