I am in an acclerated nursing program with 24 students. Only 2 are male. The problem...clicks...and gossip...and general cattiness.
I have to admit, I did fall into the gossip click after my new BFF decided to date one of the two males, leaving me without a lab partner, or buddy to hang with. The gossip girls are a large group of 10, and one of their mother's teach part of our program. I tried to distance myself and told one of the victim's of their gossip that they were talking about everyone...she decided to confront them..IN CLASS, 10 minutes before a major test. OMG. Of course, everyone knew it was me. Now, I am the evil one. They all hate me and the girl I told thinks I am crazy because I tried to lie and cover it up...I know...honesty is the best policy. I sent the whole class an appology via email saying I was sorry for ever taking part...blah blah....
But, now I have a WHOLE year with these girls. I just want to quit. The gossip girls are not gonna stop, and now I am the devil. HELP.
Sounds familiar! I was the victim in my class...long story of course, but I had no idea what was going on last fall when classes started up again. I left clinicals on good terms w/ my classmates, went out to lunch after the last day, etc, and came back as if I was the class pariah. I thought maybe my deodorant wasn't working, LOL! I couldn't figure it out.
Then when my clinical instructor came up and talked to me, because some "concerned" classmates told her I was quitting (she wanted to tell me not to, that I was doing a great job and it would be a shame to lose me), it all came out. Another classmate had it in for me, started a rumor that I'd tried to get her kicked out, and therefore, everyone treated me like crap. I'd confronted this woman (nearly 50 years old, BTW) and she denied it all, tried to blame it on someone else who told her it was me, blah, blah, blah. All of the classmates who I talked to about it--telling them how hurt I was that they thought I would do such a thing--all told me that this classmate was the one who told them!
Anyway, if you managed to follow all of that, the point is you need to concentrate on your work, CYA, prove yourself to your instructors, and pray these classmates will not be your co-workers.
I am in an acclerated nursing program with 24 students. Only 2 are male. The problem...clicks...and gossip...and general cattiness.
I have to admit, I did fall into the gossip click after my new BFF decided to date one of the two males, leaving me without a lab partner, or buddy to hang with. The gossip girls are a large group of 10, and one of their mother's teach part of our program. I tried to distance myself and told one of the victim's of their gossip that they were talking about everyone...she decided to confront them..IN CLASS, 10 minutes before a major test. OMG. Of course, everyone knew it was me. Now, I am the evil one. They all hate me and the girl I told thinks I am crazy because I tried to lie and cover it up...I know...honesty is the best policy. I sent the whole class an appology via email saying I was sorry for ever taking part...blah blah....
But, now I have a WHOLE year with these girls. I just want to quit. The gossip girls are not gonna stop, and now I am the devil. HELP.
How old are we? We are working towards being PROFESSIONALS. Professionalism starts in the classroom.
My number one rule about gossip is this
Whoever gossips to you, WILL gossip about you.
Period.
I agree wholeheartedly. What matters is how you deal with it, which IMO would be to not even deal with it. Ignore gossip - don't start it, don't listen to it, don't participate in it. Go home and write about it in your private journal, talk to your partner, write about it on your blog, etc.
I'm going off on a tangent a little but this reminds me of what one of my classmates told me once. I felt a little insulted after it all happened but I chalk it up to her being paranoid so I just feel kind of sorry for her. We were studying muscles and she asked me a question about something and I answered as honestly and as best as I could. After explaining things to her, she went on to say that she doesn't trust anything anyone tells her because everyone is so competitive that they'd lie and give the wrong information to their classmates just so they'd fail. I was floored. This was right after I answered her question about something and it felt like she basically called me a liar and untrustworthy even though I took the time to help her! Needless to say, I don't really interact with her anymore. We're still on friendly terms but, wow, that was a little much.
If I were you, I would mind my business and focus in nursing. I am too busy to worry about what other students are saying. I have a way of blocking out the nonsense stuff and focus on the important things. This is not elementary school. You talking about people's lives here.
One thing you should never do, is when you hear something to go and tell other about what was said. You are not a reporter, you studying to become a nurse, not a reporter.
I'm so glad that my class is not like this. There are 8 of us (we do have 1 new person starting with us this semester), and we all got along great. There were certain people who did get caught up in gossip with some further along in the program, but I tried not to get caught up in that. I am there to learn and do my thing and that is what I stuck to!
Hang in there and good luck to you. If everyone can't look past this, then let them act that way. Unfortunately you got yourself in a sticky situation...hopefully it'll work itself out.
I am also in an Accelerated BSN program, and if there is gossip and cattiness..I am oblivious to it. If people are talking about me..I couldn't care less, I just must be interesting and if people want to make me the topic of conversation I am flattered. :thankya:
I believe that you can only be affected by such behavior if you associate yourself with it. So just focus on your studies and surround yourself with positive influences. You will soon lose interest and awareness in the cattiness.
If it still bothers you, listen to the song "Our Lips Are Sealed" by the Go-Go's:
I once had a situation where I worked where the atmosphere was, drink or be in the "out" crowd, which means never promoted or never a pay raise. So, one night, I went out with these people from work and got so drunk and started kissing on this guy (also from same work place). Went to work the next day and told a few of my "friends" who then told this guy - WHO DENIED IT! He made such a big deal out of it that I was the talk in the workplace for several months!!! My boss even came to me and was trying to be sympathetic but came off condescending stating that it was a form of sexual harrasment to be "making up stories" about fellow co-workers! Only, I didn't make it up! It really happened!!! I decided to continue working there and when people would bring it up, I would change the subject. Finally, it got old and people started to forget about it.
Several life lessons learned from me:
1. Never pee in the company pool.
2. Keep your private life private.
3. Keep your eye on the ball. I was there to work. Not socialize!
4. This too, shall pass.
5. Gossip people move on. They don't want to gossip over the same thing over and over. They get bored and will move on. Just don't give these people anymore ammunition.
6. If you quit, they win.
Keep on, keeping on. Just remember that in everything hard in life, there comes a lesson (or several). Keep remembering those lessons so you don't repeat your mistakes.
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
The only way to stop gossip is to refuse to participate in it..this includes sharing it in any way, shape or form, even to the person being gossiped about.
Hard lesson, but one that will serve you well when you get to the floor as well. And always remember. If they will talk about someone to you, they will talk about you to someone else.
Just remember you can only control what you say, not what others say.
I always try to be positive and if there is gossip going on I divert the conservation into something that is "safe" or I excuse myself. People need an audience in which to communicate these toxic feelings and I will not give them one.
Practice "kind" verbal skills on your fellow students you will need them for your patients and other staff members in the future. Lead by example. I always have great respect for people who do this because it is hard to do.
Maybe I am different and it may be my age talking too. But I did not go to nursing school to make friends I am going to to school to become a nurse??? I would not care if people were talking about me. People always talk so let them. And please don't quit school because of a bunch of little girls. Is this high school or what? Hold your head up high and finish your program. You don't have to talk to any of them. Even in clinicals concentrate of taking care of your patient. You don't have to eat with them, study with them, etc. Don't even acknowledge them at all. Hang in there.
SunnyAndrsn
561 Posts
Sounds familiar! I was the victim in my class...long story of course, but I had no idea what was going on last fall when classes started up again. I left clinicals on good terms w/ my classmates, went out to lunch after the last day, etc, and came back as if I was the class pariah. I thought maybe my deodorant wasn't working, LOL! I couldn't figure it out.
Then when my clinical instructor came up and talked to me, because some "concerned" classmates told her I was quitting (she wanted to tell me not to, that I was doing a great job and it would be a shame to lose me), it all came out. Another classmate had it in for me, started a rumor that I'd tried to get her kicked out, and therefore, everyone treated me like crap. I'd confronted this woman (nearly 50 years old, BTW) and she denied it all, tried to blame it on someone else who told her it was me, blah, blah, blah. All of the classmates who I talked to about it--telling them how hurt I was that they thought I would do such a thing--all told me that this classmate was the one who told them!
Anyway, if you managed to follow all of that, the point is you need to concentrate on your work, CYA, prove yourself to your instructors, and pray these classmates will not be your co-workers.