I am in an acclerated nursing program with 24 students. Only 2 are male. The problem...clicks...and gossip...and general cattiness.
I have to admit, I did fall into the gossip click after my new BFF decided to date one of the two males, leaving me without a lab partner, or buddy to hang with. The gossip girls are a large group of 10, and one of their mother's teach part of our program. I tried to distance myself and told one of the victim's of their gossip that they were talking about everyone...she decided to confront them..IN CLASS, 10 minutes before a major test. OMG. Of course, everyone knew it was me. Now, I am the evil one. They all hate me and the girl I told thinks I am crazy because I tried to lie and cover it up...I know...honesty is the best policy. I sent the whole class an appology via email saying I was sorry for ever taking part...blah blah....
But, now I have a WHOLE year with these girls. I just want to quit. The gossip girls are not gonna stop, and now I am the devil. HELP.
If someone doesn't take the time to say 'hi' when they see you during an externship all summer, so what? Yes, it's rude but perhaps a better response would have been "I learned so much and had an awsome experience. How was yours? Instead your reply just opened the door to a semester of cattiness. Next time try to kill em with kindness. At least you won't be setting yourself up for a class you would rather not attend because of the people in it. You might just end up working the same floor upon graduation. Just try to be the adult. Just my
These women sound like the type that will make the units they work on toxic. The type that have to belittle others to make themselves feel worthy. I have zero tolerance for this type of behavior and just walk away whenever gossiping starts. These woman usually prey on those they deem weaker and are the "bullies" of the world.
Just keep your distance from this group. Align yourself with the positive members of the class.
If someone doesn't take the time to say 'hi' when they see you during an externship all summer, so what? Yes, it's rude but perhaps a better response would have been "I learned so much and had an awsome experience. How was yours? Instead your reply just opened the door to a semester of cattiness. Next time try to kill em with kindness. At least you won't be setting yourself up for a class you would rather not attend because of the people in it. You might just end up working the same floor upon graduation. Just try to be the adult. Just my
Sorry, I'm not one of these people that will treat someone with more respect than what they are willing to give back.
That only reinforces what they are doing.
These same three girls are also famous for calling everyone in class when they need help on an assignment but won't return a single phone call/e-mail when someone needs something from them.
Took us awhile to figure that out, and I was STILL one of the few that was still nice to them...but one can only push it so far before someone is going to call them on it.
I have zero patience with people like that.
Children are taught to "ignore" rude behavior in school....b/c that means the teacher doesn't have to deal with the real problem.
Adults need to learn that being rude has it's consequences and I was more than happy to give at least one of those girls a lesson in real life.
There are 3 girls that sit together in our class that did an externship at the same hospital I did this summer.
During orientation...through 5 DAYS of orientation...these same 3 girls sat at another table and didn't even speak to me...again, for 5 days and we are in the same classes!
They wouldn't even speak to me in the cafeteria.
So, call me catty, mean, rude, nasty, childish (at least I'll admit it!)...on the first day of class, these girls sat right behind me and one of them made a point to say, "Hey, how did your externship go this summer?"
I said, "Well, if you had bothered to speak to me at the hospital whenever I saw you for the last 10 weeks, you would know the answer to that question, now wouldn't you?"
I just turned around and enjoyed the quick glance of the jaw I saw drop open.
I can't STAND people like that. Yes, there are people in the class that I don't like, but am always nice to everyone and I always speak to them where ever I see them, even Walmart.
They are not worth your time, IMHO. I would have ignored them and their pointless question.
I am just two weeks into the my first semester and I am really happy with all my classmates. We are all different ages, races, and 6 of the 40 are guys, but so far everyone is getting along. Last week was our first check off and I was sooooo nervous. When I got to class everyone was in the same boat, and we all stuck together and got through it. I feel very lucky to have such great classmates to go through the next 15 1/2 months with.
If I were you I would let it go, and just do your thing. Next week there will something more important for everyone to talk about.
Where you made your mistake was telling girl 2 that the other girls were talking about people. When you did this you put yourself right in the middle of the situation. If someone tells you something then it should stop with you. If the other girls are gossiping and you over hear then it should stop with you. You are not responsible to police what everyone is talking about, and by repeating it you are carrying on the gossip and stirring up a bees nest. If you don't like what is being said then simply smile and ignore it or walk away. Thats as involved as you have to get. I would be really ticked if I told a group of peers I considered friends something and one of them we off and repeated it. There's just no reason for it, and in my opinion you were the one in the wrong here.
For anyone putting down the original poster for being upset about this, remember: we are all humans, not robots (also remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs).
That said, I've learned not to gossip, but let it be known out in the open how I really feel. I'm in a big class, and I know some people talk badly about me and some blatantly roll their eyes when I'm talking (to which I look at them and let them know, I seen it and I don't care that they have an attitude). Why do they act like that? Sometimes it's jealousy, sometimes it's because one of their friends was previously offended by something I said and didn't have the maturity to SAY something to me, or maybe they're juvenile and cliquish.
Either way, I deal with it by showing them that they will never change who I am or what I get out of the education and experience I pay for. Don't let them change you. If you do it now, you will let nurses you work with do it to you when you get in the field. You likely started this journey to do something you could enjoy. Will you enjoy a occupation where you have to be someone else for 9 or 12 hours a day? Likely you won't. So start now by taking an oath to yourself to be you and love who you are. I'm sorry they treated you like that. It never feels good, but you put things into perspective when you see what shallow people they really are. Use them as a measure of yourself...never stoop that low. :wink2:
If you live in a large city, no one pays any attention.
When you live in a small, rural community where people give directions based on where other people live b/c everyone knows everyone...then you would know exactly how rude this is considered.
You would have to live in a community like this to truly understand.
I grew up in a rural community in Ohio and now live in the suburbs of DC so i know both environments. The question isn't whether or not the behavior is rude, it's the fact that people let themselves get all riled up about it. You're going to run into rude people in life. Gotta let it roll off. It's silly to get all offended about things like that.
Sorry, I'm not one of these people that will treat someone with more respect than what they are willing to give back.
That only reinforces what they are doing.
These same three girls are also famous for calling everyone in class when they need help on an assignment but won't return a single phone call/e-mail when someone needs something from them.
Took us awhile to figure that out, and I was STILL one of the few that was still nice to them...but one can only push it so far before someone is going to call them on it.
I have zero patience with people like that.
Children are taught to "ignore" rude behavior in school....b/c that means the teacher doesn't have to deal with the real problem.
Adults need to learn that being rude has it's consequences and I was more than happy to give at least one of those girls a lesson in real life.
Actually, rather than giving one of them a lesson in real life you joined in their game and probably gave them a good laugh. Congrats.
I don't think there was anything wrong with what Hopefull2009 did.
I don't engage opportunists by letting them ignore me for as long as they please then come when time suits them and they want help- miraculously they found a way to use their voice and a smile.
She set them straight and they know exactly how she felt. As long as that is clear I don't see what was so wrong with it.
Situations like that and the OP's make me happy my pool of friends is very small.
My part-time job is mostly female and I hear all kinds of gossip all the time. I'm not going to lie, it can be very entertaining but I know better than to open my mouth or get involved. I take a 'fly on the wall' approach. When the big mouths of the job get to flapping their gums, it is like they get tunnel vision and don't realize there are others around.
Actually, rather than giving one of them a lesson in real life you joined in their game and probably gave them a good laugh. Congrats.
Sorry, I disagree with you. When you allow someone to treat you like that you give them permission to do it.
It's classical conditioning, and no, they didn't get a laugh out of it, in fact, they were pretty ticked off about it...but their "complaints" to fellow students fell on deaf ears when all they got was, "Well, what did you think she was going to say?".
chevyv, BSN, RN
1,679 Posts
If someone doesn't take the time to say 'hi' when they see you during an externship all summer, so what? Yes, it's rude but perhaps a better response would have been "I learned so much and had an awsome experience. How was yours? Instead your reply just opened the door to a semester of cattiness. Next time try to kill em with kindness. At least you won't be setting yourself up for a class you would rather not attend because of the people in it. You might just end up working the same floor upon graduation. Just try to be the adult. Just my