I am in an acclerated nursing program with 24 students. Only 2 are male. The problem...clicks...and gossip...and general cattiness.
I have to admit, I did fall into the gossip click after my new BFF decided to date one of the two males, leaving me without a lab partner, or buddy to hang with. The gossip girls are a large group of 10, and one of their mother's teach part of our program. I tried to distance myself and told one of the victim's of their gossip that they were talking about everyone...she decided to confront them..IN CLASS, 10 minutes before a major test. OMG. Of course, everyone knew it was me. Now, I am the evil one. They all hate me and the girl I told thinks I am crazy because I tried to lie and cover it up...I know...honesty is the best policy. I sent the whole class an appology via email saying I was sorry for ever taking part...blah blah....
But, now I have a WHOLE year with these girls. I just want to quit. The gossip girls are not gonna stop, and now I am the devil. HELP.
Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.
when a child innocently plays with fire and gets burned they never do it again and they may or may not have a scar they have to live with.
you played with fire and got burned. the question i ponder is was it innocent play or was there a motive. by posting this thread i think you are playing with fire again except you have substituted this internet forum for the gossip click that only had a membership of 24 in hopes that the response will be better and in your favor here. what is curious is the motive which can only be known to you. maybe you are seeking to learn the motive as well.
you might find it interesting and self-enlightening to read games people play: the basic handbook of transactional analysis by eric berne, m.d. in which dr. berne describes the psychological "games" people engage each other in to attempt to gain one-upmanship over each other. it was required reading in my bsn program which focused heavily on communication skills.
I'm not sure what you expected- gossip is common in nursing and every other group I've ever been in. I've been the target of gossip, and, although I don't like my behavior, I have been the purveyor of gossip. It is an understood rule that if you participate in the "gossip session", even as a listener, you are hearing theose peoples' opinions in confidence.
I understand and agree that most social environments, (work, play and everything in between), are subject to be in flux; the environment can only reflect the people who compose the group, after all. There will always be people who are difficult to work with and situations clearly not 'right' in terms of treatment or fairness.
That being said, it's no excuse to treat others badly and contribute to a hostile work (or learning) environment. Period. JMO, but alienating others, purposely excluding folks, engaging in mean-spirited or manipulative behavior toward selective people is absolutely avoidable.
Regarding violating the confidence granted within gossip sessions, I'd like to mention something: privacy. In many occupations, (not just nursing), people are privy to personal information of co-workers, employees, clients and the like. Sharing this information, particularly in a mean-spirited manner, can get your job terminated, license yanked, or initiate a lawsuit. It is not a joke...
and when it happened to me, (clerical made the mistake of 'innocently' sharing a medical diagnosis from my personnel records with a fellow employee in our lunchroom), I took great joy in firing those involved in front of the rest of the office. Such petty, insensitive and immature behavior doesn't belong in the workplace, and the people at the roots of such things often find themselves with poor evals, lost promotions and possible disciplinary action. JME.
I tried to distance myself and told one of the victim's of their gossip that they were talking about everyone...she decided to confront them..IN CLASS, 10 minutes before a major test.
Of course, that right there was gossip, too. It's amazing how gossip gets spread. You perpetuated the problem.
When I was in the elementary school I was bit by my classmates (girls) because the teacher said I am a liar (long story and still painful even though it was 20 years ago it still makes cry.)
Forgive me for being a male, but...are you serious? You still cry over crap that happened in elementary school?
I think I just wanted to hear some opinions both ways. I am well aware that I am fully at fault here for what I did. I participated, period. I should have not told the victim what was said, period. I don't really know why I did either. Stupidity. I am, however, glad that I learned a lesson. I do believe that it will be an issue the rest of the year. Too late to undo it.
I do think that other new students can learn from my mistake. Dont gossip. Dont listen to others gossip, and if you do hear gossip, pretend you did not.
thanks for all the honest opinions, nice or not.
I am not looking for sympathy. Maybe day one I was because I got my feelings hurt. I need tougher skin( I am working on that). I am going to have to focus on school, and not worry about trying to be friends with girls who are not really my friends anyway.
I'm kind of surprised that you have so much time to gossip, worry abaout gossiping, and write on forums about gossiping. There's a saying, the best revenge is success. You need to focus on studying, and becoming the best nurse you can be. You are wasting a lot of energy on non-essential stuff.
I'm kind of surprised that you have so much time to gossip, worry abaout gossiping, and write on forums about gossiping. There's a saying, the best revenge is success. You need to focus on studying, and becoming the best nurse you can be. You are wasting a lot of energy on non-essential stuff.
There is no reason to be rude. I think it is a student issue. This is the STUDENT forum, right?
I know it sucks because school is your life when you become a nursing student. But remember school doesn't last forever. Eventually you won't have to spend all day long with this people. Just realize you're there for a nursing education and not to be a socialite.
Passing on negative gossip makes someone else look bad, but also makes you look bad.
Passing on good gossip (ex. Wow, Julie did awesome on her (whatever). You should have seen here do that. or something like that) spreads good feelings around and also makes you look good. (Or if you heard a teacher say that so and so did something great, always tell So and so that the teacher said this or that, that s/he did something great.)
Don't pass on negative gossip, but always pass on positive gossip. It just adds some social lubrication. You can still do this, and it might even repair things a bit with your class. Just don't try this too soon, let things settle a bit first.
it still makes cry.) 
And I don't think it is something I should be ashamed of.
Daytonite, BSN, RN
1 Article; 14,604 Posts
when a child innocently plays with fire and gets burned they never do it again and they may or may not have a scar they have to live with.
you played with fire and got burned. the question i ponder is was it innocent play or was there a motive. by posting this thread i think you are playing with fire again except you have substituted this internet forum for the gossip click that only had a membership of 24 in hopes that the response will be better and in your favor here. what is curious is the motive which can only be known to you. maybe you are seeking to learn the motive as well.
you might find it interesting and self-enlightening to read games people play: the basic handbook of transactional analysis by eric berne, m.d. in which dr. berne describes the psychological "games" people engage each other in to attempt to gain one-upmanship over each other. it was required reading in my bsn program which focused heavily on communication skills.