Marriage and Nursing School

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Nov 12, 2013

Look down on your chest. Do you see a big "S" on your chest? Then you are obviously not Superman. Why do you feel that you need to do everything perfectly? Does your wife understand the stress of nursing school? If she does, then give yourself a break. Things will have to be different while you are in school. You are not going to have much time for family while you are in school. Are you going to feel guilty? Yes. You need to realize that you are doing this for the betterment of your family. You will need to find small slivers of time to fit in family time and couple time.

lovenotwar14 · Nov 12, 2013

My opinion is... get a divorce! If your wife can't understand that you are trying to better your life and sacrifices have to be made then she is probably not the one for you. Tell her to shape up or ship her blank out! Everybody makes parenting mistakes. I have fallen asleep on my kids before.. you need a wife who is going to support your dream not add to your stress. Ijs

Euphonicus · Nov 12, 2013

How "on board" is your wife with your pursuit of a nursing career? Has she had a realistic sense of what it would entail from day 1, and if so has she been supportive? If she is truly aware of the pressure you are under, it is unrealistic to expect you to do what you are not capable of. If, for whatever reason, she doesn't know or understand then TELL HER. Communicate to her that you love her and your daughter more than life itself, and remind her that you are (I am assuming) doing this in part to create a future for all of you, not just yourself. Let her know that you are sorry for causing her hardship but you are doing the best that you possibly can in a VERY difficult situation.

Finally look critically at yourself and ask if you •really• are doing the best you possibly can. I know from personal experience that even when I think I am operating at 100% in my life I still have plenty of room for improvement. Talk to your wife and see if there are specific things she thinks or wishes you could be doing differently. If what she says is reasonable, then think about it, and if not explain to her why. Miscommunication/radically different expectations can be a death sentence for any marriage even under favorable circumstances.

After all of that, if the issue isn't resolved, you may have some difficult choices to make.

Some/all of that may not apply to you, this is all from my personal experience of one disastrous marriage and another that has had its ups and downs but is still going strong after seven years together.

bdedwards · Nov 14, 2013

I appreciate all of your input greatly! However, I do not and won't consider divorce as even being an option because I was a child of divorce and it still haunts me to this day and if for no other reason, I want to be around for my daughter. I think that I could do better as a parent and husband so I think for the most part I need to reevaluate myself first because I'm sure it has much to do with me because I give all of myself elsewhere and leave nothing for my family when I'm actually home. I just need better time management skills.

minniebrown · Nov 14, 2013

Have you talked with your wife about what nursing school entails? A lot of the basics fall through the cracks during nursing school and there really is no way around it. Explain to her what is involved and try to make a schedule. Make an effort to help out more at home. You can even schedule date night, I think that would help her feel like a priority instead of an afterthought. If you want your marriage to last make the effort now before it is too late.

DatMurse · Nov 15, 2013

I'm just about finished with my first semester of nursing school and possibly my marriage. I love my wife so much and our daughter and I'm trying, I really am, but I just suck at juggling it all. I'm sure there is more that I can do but I don't know what. I'm tired all the time and that causes fights too. For instance, I told my wife she could go to bed and I would keep our daughter up for an extra hour and then put her to bed. Well, I end up falling asleep and the couch and my life has been hell since that happened. It was terribly irresponsible of me, but I didn't do it on purpose. I just don't know what I can do anymore. It discourages me so much that I really never even want to study for this stuff because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know what my writing this will do, but I guess it helps just to vent. Thanks for your time.

stuff happens.... you are doing it not just for yourself but for both of yall. You are getting beaten down by nursing school, just like the rest of us. If she cant understand that then I dont know what to tell you.

na-na · Nov 21, 2013

I wouldn't say get a divorce but I would encourage you to talk to your wife. Nursing school is tough and it's only your first semester maybe she hasn't gotten around to understanding how tough it is yet. I would sit her down show her your schedule for clinical, lab, class and also explain how you are trying your best.

Good luck and please consider divorce to be your last option.

EaglesWings21, ASN, RN · Nov 21, 2013

I definitely do not encourage divorce and I know the stress of juggling life and personal issues as well. For me, praying and trusting God as well as keeping communication open with my spouse has put our relationship into a better place. For her to get upset that you fell asleep is quite ridiculous. How old is your daughter? Ask her if she has ever dozed off while watching her and I bet her answer will be yes. If she is relentless then tell her exactly how you feel, you are stressed so she can either be supportive or back off!!

packofnerds · Nov 21, 2013

It is all about communication. I hope things get better for the both of you. I know too well how nursing school sucks away your life and you may not have as much time to spend with your loved ones. Remind your wife that you love her. Showing support and appreciation goes both ways. Perhaps she is just feeling lonely?

Best of luck.

DWillaman72 · Dec 12, 2013

Yeah man nursing school is tough. There are no if's ands or but's about it. My wife and I are both in nursing school and raising our two year old son. Weathering the storm is what its all about. We are heading into our last semester and will without a doubt be the toughest we have experienced due to the teacher and the course. However, remember what you are trying to accomplish.

Nurse2B2016 · Dec 12, 2013

I appreciate all of your input greatly! However I do not and won't consider divorce as even being an option because I was a child of divorce and it still haunts me to this day and if for no other reason, I want to be around for my daughter. I think that I could do better as a parent and husband so I think for the most part I need to reevaluate myself first because I'm sure it has much to do with me because I give all of myself elsewhere and leave nothing for my family when I'm actually home. I just need better time management skills.[/quote']
Thank God bc I cringed when I divorce was thrown out there. Do not give up. You just need to make her understand that it's two years of major support needed from her for a lifetime of happiness in terms of being financially able. I worry about the same things when I get into a program but I know I can do it. You can too just do not give up. It will get easier. The first semester is the worst.