Manager threatened me

[sonnyluv]

Hey Everybody!

I'm a new grad, just cleared probation in the ICU. A week ago I received a patient from the ER, who died within 10 minutes after arriving to the unit. (DNR). I grabbed the daughter in the waiting room so she could say good bye. When I came back someone had brought a huge bag of fried zucchini into the unit. I felt bad for the daughter, everybody eating while her dad had just died. So I made a joke to the supervisor, "The family is requesting fried zucchini." My manager looked at me like I was insane. Manager has been pretty hostile to me ever since.

A week later she calls me into her office and says, "I don't know if you think you are funny or if you are some kind of weirdo but I found that joke to be very inappropriate. Just so you know I can make your life very hard here."

I told her that I was using humor to let off steam, and yeah I guess I am pretty weird but as it was my first patient to die in my care while a R.N. it shocked me. I told her I'd been an EMT for four years and seen a lot of people die, so I often use humor to deal with stress. This was the first time it was totally my responsibility. I also said if what I said was inappropriate I would not say it again. I asked if she thought the family had heard and she said no.

So this week, I had a family emergency, told the day the situation and informed the supervisor that I wouldn't be at work for three days. (Legit emergency)The night supervisor put me on the schedule and called me up four times to tell me I was missing my shift, until the other manager told her it was a family emergency, and I was clear. I then asked if I could pick up Thursday to make up for all the PTO I was using. She said, "There are 12 people signed up, I can't put you on. If anyone calls out I'll let you know but it's not likely."

So tonight she calls me and tells me I have failed to show up for my shift. I argued with her on the phone that she never gave me a shift, she doesn't listen and just hangs up.

What the hell? Should I just tell her I feel responsible for being on her **** list, should I call the union? She is so rude and nasty to everybody, she's dangerous. I don't normally have issues with supervisors. What does weirdo mean? I'm a guy, I guess I can be silly, but weird? I take great care of my patients and fill out paperwork properly.

Any advice? Sorry for the long post, thanks for your time.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Although I think it is inappropriate to crack a joke while a family member is grieving over a deceased body, I certainly cannot judge you or your sense of humor. However, please be cognizant that not everyone will understand or appreciate your silliness or sense of humor.

I am completely straight-laced and serious while at work, because I am aware that my coworkers might interpret any other behaviors as 'weird' or 'uncaring.'

In addition, I also think it is inappropriate to consume a fast-food meal in front of a visitor who has just lost their loved one.

[sonnyluv]

Thanks for your insight. Joking with a supervisor I barely know was foolish.

[nursej22, MSN, RN]

I have had experience with a supervisor who felt my behavior was inappropriate (although she often made crude jokes on the unit and during staff meetings). When she wrote me up for sexual harassment I called the union.

I would keep a log all your interactions with this person, and if she calls you into her office bring a union representative with you, as a part of your Weingarten rights. If you are disciplined, having a log that demonstrates a pattern of behavior will go a long way to support your side. If she is as bad as you say, it will catch up to her.

Take care, and watch your back.

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

I'll have to echo the sentiment that the joke and the eating were probably not the best judgement, but that's also not really what's at issue here, i think.

Seems to me that there is a lack of communication going on with you, her (mgr) and staffing office (if there is one). Might be an EXCELLENT time for a sit-down with your boss.

I would say that there seems to be a miscommunication somewhere, that she thought you were scheduled when you weren't, WHATEVER, but that you want to make sure that going forward everyone's on the same page. Ask her what the BEST way is to make sure you and she have the same schedule on paper, and then follow it. She may like something in writing whenever a change is made--honestly, I think it's a good idea given the recent track record of "confusion".

Whatever you do, don't be antagonistic, don't make accusations. There was just a simple misunderstanding, of course....you want to have scheduling go smoothly....etc etc.

If after doing all that, you feel like you're being sabatoged, you might want to move on.

Good luck!

[azxyrn]

Sonnyluv,

Sorry to hear that happened to you, although my level of patient acuity is far less, the problem remains the same; your boss/manager. I personally see absolutely nothing wrong with what you said to start your boss's tirade going. With that said, I agree with what the other two members have said; in essence, your only as good as your last mistake (perception in our field really can be the difference of some one laughing versus a verbal/written warning). I have had several very unpleasant encounters with my managers, as a male nurse; I believe that it is expected for all Male nurses to be very stoic, and seen but not heard. Probably your biggest disadvantage is that as you worked as an E.M.T. so you're used to comradery and being pretty chummy with your coworkers. That, as you will find out, is not a common denominator with nursing. I personally have learned to "test" the boss/coworkers; observe how they talk about things that could be considered taboo. By testing, this saves you a lot of hassle done the road as people who act like your boss typically feel that they need to watch you more closely or possibly consider you a risk on the unit, (hence her statements to you). I work in Arizona, the anti-union state, so I pretty much would have to find another job if I was in your situation, and I have - several times .

If you have a union, you may have to resort to getting them involved; remember though, your boss can turn around and start writing you up for EVERYTHING! I requested to have a sit down with the D.O.N. when a manager didn't seem to like me or my humor; after the meeting I felt great, relieved, and happy. Those feelings went away the next shift after I received not one but two verbal warnings from my manager, 1 for failing to answer one of my thirteen rooms call light within three minutes (yes she stood there and watched the light - never going in to check the patient), and 2 for not emptying the garbage can in one of the above said rooms. It got much worse, a new day, a new disciplinary action(s). Needless to say by the end of the week I was before the D.O.N., this time at the request of the manager for the multiple write ups I had accrued since the first meeting! Well unfortunately, the actions of my manager were not as transparent to the D.O.N. as I had hoped. Before long I was moved to a different unit, different shift, and the scuttle butt was that I was a "bad egg." After three years of flawless care and numerous compliments from managers and families I picked up 6 infractions. After working on the new unit for about three months, all was well and surprisingly no other problems developed. So as I said before you can try involving the union (I have no experience with that), request a transition to another unit, put in your resignation, or last but not least and most distasteful - kiss up, :bowingpur or :plsebeg:. Getting back in the good graces of your boss at any cost can do wonders, remember this person will be able to place very damaging information in/on your record. Perhaps I am over reacting in your case, but I assure you it's happened to me, and everytime I think about those times it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I hope this helps, and sorry I tend to rant! :oornt:

Ohhh yeah by the way:

:mnnnrsngrk:

[towntalker]

i don't believe that the family of the deceased were open to humor at that time

however your mgr over reacted and to state that she could make things rough for you was wrong -

be extra careful that you are on the same page...i have seen a don make out a schedule and then when she changed it she would make another copy and wave it in front of the nurse,,,YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE HERE

when one of the nurse showed her a copy he had run off she became enraged

i hope that you can develop a cordial relationship with this manager

[ANnot4me]

Life is way too short for these games. Nurse Managers can be crazy too. I once had a manager I got a bad vibe from at my interview, but I really wanted the job. It was a big mistake for me to ignore my gut feeling. From now on, I would treat her like a weirdo and cover your butt. Life isn't fair and some people are bad. If she has decided to get rid of you, things may get worse. Try to keep a cool head and not get sucked into power games and know when it is time to call it quits or get the union involved.

[BradleyRN]

The family wasnt present for your joke, so it should not be a problem to anyone who gets that. Furthermore, you were only satirizing the situation in empathy for the family. Your joke wasnt inappropriate, but rather a passive way of expressing your discontentment for the situation to your supervisor. Someone just died, and most of the staff are sitting there with BBQ sauce all over their faces and fingers, eating a big plate of ribs wearing big plastic bibs when the family comes in. That is a dark comedy in and of itself.

Your boss sounds like a lune. I would not want to work for such a power-tripping idiot. It is risky. Telling you she could make your life hard around there only shows how quickly she resorts to such unprofessional behavior, and demonstrates a certain level of insecurity, weakness, and lack of intelligence. She does not deserve her position.

I have always been the biggest comedian at work that anyone could ever see (though i have never brought that side of me to allnurses). The only problem i have ever seen with it is that miserable, unhappy people tend to hate me. They resent me for being joyous. Fortunately, they make up a very tiny percentage of people, and i would never change for anyone, especially people like them. They can go on and be miserable as far as im concerned, but they are welcome to suck up some of the joy im spreading too.:)

Usually, management sticks up for management so you dont have any recourse other than to transfer. And that is exactly what i would do. Life is too short to work for nutbags. Good luck.

[Scrubby]

I can understand why your joke may have been considered in bad form, however I understand why you use it as a coping mechanism.

Unfortunately you've made a bad impression on your manager. There's a saying that bad impressions can take a second to make, but can take a lifetime to break. She sounds like a bully 'i can make your life very hard around here'. Doesn't sound very good. It might be in your best interest to be on your best behaviour for a while, give her ammunition to use against you. In the meantime maybe you should reconsider working in this environment.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

I dont joke with my unit manager. She does not have a sense of humor with me. I dont know her that well, nor do I care to. The way I see it, you dont have to like the people you work with, you only have to work with them. Getting along with them is a nice thing, having friends from work is even better.

I think you pretty much burned your bridges with your boss, she might not like your sense of humor, go somewhere else or stick it out. I wouldnt count on any favor from your boss or equal treatment though.

You can go to your union, but I dont know if it is going to help.

[sonnyluv]

Thanks for all the advice everybody.

I think my only course of action is to speak to her privately and say, "I don't want to be on your ---t list, I usually have great relationships with my bosses. I honestly didn't know you had scheduled me for Thursday- I appreciate that you did that, my apologies if you were short nurses- in the future let me know what you want and I'll do it."

To brown nosey? Perhaps I should take a more aggressive stance. Either way, I don't want to switch jobs, I've worked very hard to clear probation in this ICU- it's frustrating to think I have to give it up because one manager has power issues. There has got to be a way to work this out- I don't have a problem sticking up for myself but I know she is looking for a fight.