I'm a new grad, just cleared probation in the ICU. A week ago I received a patient from the ER, who died within 10 minutes after arriving to the unit. (DNR). I grabbed the daughter in the waiting room so she could say good bye. When I came back someone had brought a huge bag of fried zucchini into the unit. I felt bad for the daughter, everybody eating while her dad had just died. So I made a joke to the supervisor, "The family is requesting fried zucchini." My manager looked at me like I was insane. Manager has been pretty hostile to me ever since.
A week later she calls me into her office and says, "I don't know if you think you are funny or if you are some kind of weirdo but I found that joke to be very inappropriate. Just so you know I can make your life very hard here."
I told her that I was using humor to let off steam, and yeah I guess I am pretty weird but as it was my first patient to die in my care while a R.N. it shocked me. I told her I'd been an EMT for four years and seen a lot of people die, so I often use humor to deal with stress. This was the first time it was totally my responsibility. I also said if what I said was inappropriate I would not say it again. I asked if she thought the family had heard and she said no.
So this week, I had a family emergency, told the day the situation and informed the supervisor that I wouldn't be at work for three days. (Legit emergency)The night supervisor put me on the schedule and called me up four times to tell me I was missing my shift, until the other manager told her it was a family emergency, and I was clear. I then asked if I could pick up Thursday to make up for all the PTO I was using. She said, "There are 12 people signed up, I can't put you on. If anyone calls out I'll let you know but it's not likely."
So tonight she calls me and tells me I have failed to show up for my shift. I argued with her on the phone that she never gave me a shift, she doesn't listen and just hangs up.
What the hell? Should I just tell her I feel responsible for being on her **** list, should I call the union? She is so rude and nasty to everybody, she's dangerous. I don't normally have issues with supervisors. What does weirdo mean? I'm a guy, I guess I can be silly, but weird? I take great care of my patients and fill out paperwork properly.
Any advice? Sorry for the long post, thanks for your time.
Specializes in Home Care, Primary care NP, QI, Nsg Adm.
First impressions are often lasting impressions. Seems your supervisor now has an image of you that is imprinted in her psyche so I think you need to take steps to repair the damage. Going at it head on, which may be needed at some point, would likely worsen the situation initially.
What I recommend at this juncture is that you request a short meeting with your supervisor at a time convenient for her, even if its your off time. Tell her that your feeling that there is barrier b/tween you and her and that you would like to clear any issues so that there is no tension, distractions or problems that may hamper your growth and work with your patients and colleagues.
Be humble. Apologize again but don't grovel. Don't demean yourself but let her know that how you handled stress as a medic may not be appropriate in the hospital environment. Ask her for advice on how she handles the stress of death, what did she do when she was new, etc., so that she may feel a sense of responsibility in guiding you rather than harassing you. If that doesn't work and her behavior continues then you may have to go to her immediate supervisor or as you mentioned the union but take care in that. Try to handle things internally. She likely has the respect and support of the ICU staff and others and her comments about you may turn them against you.
Never show her any disrespect in front of others. I had a situation several years ago with a doctor. He is often quite miserable and his behavior is well known and unfortunately tolerated. I asked him in front of some of my nurses why he was always so miserable. He took the complaint to administration. I got through that w/o any problem but he tried to play the game saying how he was so hurt by my comment, yada, yada... Well, first I learned to choose my words carefully. I was wrong in what I said in front of others, even though I was 'dead on'. Nothing happened and I have since learned how to handle things much more dipliomatically which is important since I work over seas with a variety of different nationalities and I am a department head. Overseas or not, building good relations and learning how to confront issues/problems professionally and responsibily are great skills.
Always try to look at yourself honestly. After any negative encounter I find it helpful to do a review of what happened and what was my part in the scenario. Denial is an unconscious defensive coping mechanism that we all employ at one time or another. Recognizing it is key to changing ourselves for the better.
Finally, document any negative things that happen. Keep that for your records. If at some point down the road you have to seek intervention from others, your ability to site time, dates and facts will be very helpful. Even if its a 'he said, she said' confrontation the one who presents facts calmly is often listened to. This is my approach and it works quite well.
Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.
Where is your unit manager in all this? I was a supervisor and manager and the supervisor is only in charge of your when the unit manager isn't in the building.
One thing that is water under the bridge but that I think should have been said at the first confrontation with this supervisor are the actual words "I am sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing when I said that." When you are new, some people also want to see you kowtow.
This is what I would do to protect myself from potential problems with attendance.
get a xerox copy of each new work schedule and put a date on it so you can defend yourself in case she tries to acuse you of failing to show up for a shift - even better, have the manager sign and date your copy of it
whenever you request days off, do it in writing and keep a copy of the request for yourself - keep dates, times and the names of the person who grants the request - verify that the days off were given and made on the master schedule in the nursing office
learn who has and keeps up the master nursing schedule - in every hospital I worked it was kept by the nursing office and some facilities had one person on the day shift that did nothing but keep that schedule updated (fill holes) and the offshift supervisors didn't get their hands on that schedule at all or until they came on duty - find out from the day shift scheduler how to verify if you are on or off the schedule and how to go about picking up extra shifts - trust me, these are the people you really want to learn to know - when I did supervision we were handed an assignment sheet that a nursing office secretary or the staffing coordinator had prepared that had all the nursing staff listed on it for the shift I worked and I never saw that master schedule - the staff coordinator also had a master journal where all changes (call offs and people added to and given days off) were recorded so if someone was called in or had called off it was documented in that master journal (when it was quiet at night we used to leaf through that book to read the excuses people gave for why they were calling off work for entertainment because that was recorded too!)
if this supervisor starts jacking around with your schedule, get documented evidence (your xerox copy of the schedule--I'd carry a copy of it with me) and then document a complaint about what she has done and send it to her superisor (yes, she does have one, probably the director of nursing or a nursing coordinator) - if she continues to screw up, keep documenting and writing her up - because of confidentiality rules you may not be aware that she is doing this with other people, so at least document her messing up with you so her boss knows what she is doing
don't go to the union unless you go through the nursing administration chain of command first and are not getting any satisfaction - save all your letters of documentation to the nursing administration on the supervisor to prove that you have been trying to resolve the problem per hospital grievance policy and procedure so you can report them if you ever have to file a union grievance - the union is concerned with the administration not doing their job, not with the wrongdoing of the supervisor
If it ever does come down to the a bullying situation by this supervisor that the nursing administration fails to handle then approach a union steward about it and ask for guidance on what to do. I worked in a unionized hospital and had to sit in on grievance hearings. There is nothing more aggravating than an employee that files a union grievance for an emotional issue without any knowledge of the rules of the union contract. Even the shop stewards would roll their eyes and shake their heads at some of the grievances that employees filed. One of the sides (hospital or union) has to fail to uphold their part of the contract in order to prevail in a union grievance hearing.
Nurses often use humor to relieve stress, there is a thread somewhere on here about funny acronyms: CTD, LOL/LOM, etc. As long as the family did not hear the comment, the admin needs to lighten up.
I have had experience with a supervisor who felt my behavior was inappropriate (although she often made crude jokes on the unit and during staff meetings). When she wrote me up for sexual harassment I called the union.
I would keep a log all your interactions with this person, and if she calls you into her office bring a union representative with you, as a part of your Weingarten rights. If you are disciplined, having a log that demonstrates a pattern of behavior will go a long way to support your side. If she is as bad as you say, it will catch up to her.
Take care, and watch your back.
Totally agree with this advice. When you have a union, use it.
Specializes in Home Care, Primary care NP, QI, Nsg Adm.
Daytonite, nice critical thinking flow sheet. I'm teaching physical assessment starting with a brief anatomy beginning on monday for my nursing staff. They are from middle eastern and asian countries, as well as Saudi Arabia and are considered 'technical' nurses or LPN level but most are well below that.
"a week later she calls me into her office and says, "i don't know if you think you are funny or if you are some kind of weirdo but i found that joke to be very inappropriate. just so you know i can make your life very hard here."
i told her that i was using humor to let off steam, and yeah i guess i am pretty weird but as it was my first patient to die in my care while a r.n. it shocked me. i told her i'd been an emt for four years and seen a lot of people die, so i often use humor to deal with stress. this was the first time it was totally my responsibility. i also said if what i said was inappropriate i would not say it again. i asked if she thought the family had heard and she said no."
you have a union. use it. (it ain't free, after all, you are paying for it.............)
you were threatened by your manager. that statement can give one cause to assume all sorts of things.
what was the patient impact in this situation? (answer - none, since the family did not hear your comment).
it is difficult being new and keeping your personality under wraps until you get folks figured out. there's always going to be tattlers, talkers, nosey's and "i'm just here for the paycheck". sounds like this manager falls under the "knife in the back" category.
again, i must reiterate.....talk.....to......your.....union.....representative. you give them your money every month to represent you. now use it, cause you don't get any of it back after you get fired or quit
I HAVE to crack jokes at work. Working with boring, uptight, serious-all-the-time people is a total bore. I swear... there's this one floor I sometimes have to float with and it's filled with nurses with the most boring personalities on this planet. It really makes the time go by s-l-o-w-l-y. Nonetheless, I do not make jokes in front of family members during serious times unless I know it's what they like to hear. I don't see anything wrong with what you said as long as it wasn't where the family could hear.
Saifudin
234 Posts
First impressions are often lasting impressions. Seems your supervisor now has an image of you that is imprinted in her psyche so I think you need to take steps to repair the damage. Going at it head on, which may be needed at some point, would likely worsen the situation initially.
What I recommend at this juncture is that you request a short meeting with your supervisor at a time convenient for her, even if its your off time. Tell her that your feeling that there is barrier b/tween you and her and that you would like to clear any issues so that there is no tension, distractions or problems that may hamper your growth and work with your patients and colleagues.
Be humble. Apologize again but don't grovel. Don't demean yourself but let her know that how you handled stress as a medic may not be appropriate in the hospital environment. Ask her for advice on how she handles the stress of death, what did she do when she was new, etc., so that she may feel a sense of responsibility in guiding you rather than harassing you. If that doesn't work and her behavior continues then you may have to go to her immediate supervisor or as you mentioned the union but take care in that. Try to handle things internally. She likely has the respect and support of the ICU staff and others and her comments about you may turn them against you.
Never show her any disrespect in front of others. I had a situation several years ago with a doctor. He is often quite miserable and his behavior is well known and unfortunately tolerated. I asked him in front of some of my nurses why he was always so miserable. He took the complaint to administration. I got through that w/o any problem but he tried to play the game saying how he was so hurt by my comment, yada, yada... Well, first I learned to choose my words carefully. I was wrong in what I said in front of others, even though I was 'dead on'. Nothing happened and I have since learned how to handle things much more dipliomatically which is important since I work over seas with a variety of different nationalities and I am a department head. Overseas or not, building good relations and learning how to confront issues/problems professionally and responsibily are great skills.
Always try to look at yourself honestly. After any negative encounter I find it helpful to do a review of what happened and what was my part in the scenario. Denial is an unconscious defensive coping mechanism that we all employ at one time or another. Recognizing it is key to changing ourselves for the better.
Finally, document any negative things that happen. Keep that for your records. If at some point down the road you have to seek intervention from others, your ability to site time, dates and facts will be very helpful. Even if its a 'he said, she said' confrontation the one who presents facts calmly is often listened to. This is my approach and it works quite well.