Gay male nurse concern about male patient care

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Hello everyone!

I will be joining the nursing workforce in a couple of months specializing in urological needs (I am not going into med/surg). As a gay male, I am concerned that some male patients will react adversely when they suspect or realize that I am gay. I understand many patients will not care and will understand that I am there to help them and it is not some sick joke. This is particularly personal for the patient given the specialty (Urology).

I would like to know how other male nurses have handled situations where a straight male patient has refused or made it very uncomfortable for you to do your job. I do not expect the approval of every patient... just looking for pointers on how to manage this type of situation in a professional manner.

Everyone, please tell me what you think or would do. Thank you!

Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

I'm not a guy but I still want to welcome you to the ranks. I'm not sure how your patients may know or suspect you are gay, but from experience I would say to relax and be yourself. If anyone asks you point-blank you can deflect the reply or be honest if the person is just curious, but it really isn't any of their business. Best wishes to you.

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Specializes in Med Surg - Renal.
Hello everyone!

I will be joining the nursing workforce in a couple of months specializing in urological needs (I am not going into med/surg). As a gay male, I am concerned that some male patients will react adversely when they suspect or realize that I am gay. I understand many patients will not care and will understand that I am there to help them and it is not some sick joke. This is particularly personal for the patient given the specialty (Urology).

I would like to know how other male nurses have handled situations where a straight male patient has refused or made it very uncomfortable for you to do your job. I do not expect the approval of every patient... just looking for pointers on how to manage this type of situation in a professional manner.

Everyone, please tell me what you think or would do. Thank you!

All patients are different. Some male patients don't want a female patient, others don't want a male. Some don't want a gay nurse, some may want a gay nurse.

It is impossible to tell and not under your control. I've had patients assume I was gay and start asking probing questions, "What does your wife do?...How many kids do you have?.." I'm straight with no wife or kids so sometimes the patients have a difficult time sussing me out. That's really on them.

It doesn't bother me at all, I just do my job the best I can and move on. I can't fix patients' hangups about male nurses, so I don't even try.

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Specializes in Leadership, Psych, HomeCare, Amb. Care.
Thanks for your responses thus far! I'm not flamboyant, but some people are able to tell without asking. I am respectful, very discreet, and have been very professional my whole life. I have a few straight male friends who used to be homophobes and I've earned their respect.!!
I've been a nurse >25 years. I'm sure some have wondered about my sexual preference, and while occasionally a few have asked if I was married, or had kids, no one ever out right asked; nor have I ever experienced any refusals or hostility.

Don't lose any sleep over it

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Be professional and do a great job. Thats all anyone can expect or want from a nurse.

The rest is none of the patients business.

^This!

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Specializes in LTC, Education, Management, QAPI.

I'll bet your fears will be unconfirmed. You are a professional and i suspect you will act that way, even if you happen to be effeminate. I have never had any concerns because although you can usually tell that I am gay, when I'm with a patient I ensure the focus stays on the patient. Don't be fake, it will show. Just be natural but professional. Again, I seriously doubt you will have trouble.

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Specializes in Psych/Mental Health.
I've been a nurse >25 years. I'm sure some have wondered about my sexual preference, and while occasionally a few have asked if I was married, or had kids, no one ever out right asked; nor have I ever experienced any refusals or hostility.

Don't lose any sleep over it

Just curious, if your patient asks if you're married, and you have a long-term partner, do you just tell the patient that you have a partner?

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Specializes in Transitional Nursing.

I say just be professional. Gay men don't have a problem with me caring for them ( and I've given showers, cath care, wiped bums etc). So in my opinion why should a straight man care if they're being cared for by a gay man. Besides its none of their beezwax if you're gay. Just be professional and if someone has an issue switch patients. I am willing to bet it won't be that often. Also you'll only have these patients for a short time not likely they'll say much, different if you had them for a week in a hospital setting. Good luck!

"No day but today"

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Specializes in Leadership, Psych, HomeCare, Amb. Care.
Just curious, if your patient asks if you're married, and you have a long-term partner, do you just tell the patient that you have a partner?
Many people, gay or straight, consider themselves married, whether they have a piece of paper or not.
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I'll bet your fears will be unconfirmed. You are a professional and i suspect you will act that way, even if you happen to be effeminate. I have never had any concerns because although you can usually tell that I am gay, when I'm with a patient I ensure the focus stays on the patient. Don't be fake, it will show. Just be natural but professional. Again, I seriously doubt you will have trouble.

My thoughts exactly! I would just make it all about the patient. As long as you're professional, I don't foresee any issues. For example, when I am in the doctors office, I am thinking about my health/what I'm there for and what the doctor/nurse are saying to me and their professional attitude. I think the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable your patients will be =)

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I think I would handle this like any male rejected by a female patient. I'd respect their wishes and go on. Sexual orientation shouldn't make this a harder question than it is. If a female nurse is rejected by a male patient then simply respect his wishes. I'm not understanding why this is difficult.

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I don't know what you meant by "act weird"to the above responder)....I personally think we all come in different shapes/sizes/sexual preferences etc. I have seen the gamut..women who cant have a man in her room unless her hair is covered makes it challengting for a male...dr or nurse....etc.

Most of the time this will be KNOWN before you get an assignment(i.e if the nurse does not want a particular sex of nurse etc. )

I would think..just my personal opinion here that any man that does not want a "gay" man taking care of him probably would also refuse a "straight" man also...given that they have homophobia and lord knows if a man touches their member they would somehow be violated.

I would not fret about your sexual preference....just handle these situations professionally and above all do NOT take them personally.

I wish you much success and I am stereotyping here...but in my experience the "gay" male nurses I have encountered have all been absolutley wonderful and I hope males dont want them so I can have them when I am sick and in the hospital etc!!!!!! Ok no flaming at me here...Just smile and be happy ...dont let someones rejection of you as a nurse get you down.

Think of this saying that always helps me when I get down...

"People throw rocks at things that shine"...there is a song out there if you are familiar with it.

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How would this concern be any different then if you were a straight male doing care on a female..?

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