loosing my self confidence and doubting myself

RN BSN 2009 · Mar 7, 2007

Slow and steady wins the race, it's GOOD to be anal (think INFECTION CONTROL!) Quality over speed.... You'll learn how to speed up later without compromising patient health!!!

nurse4theplanet, RN · Mar 7, 2007

I promise you even the cocky self-assured ones have the same feelings, they are just masking them with confidence.

Well said Tweety!

This student is probably covering her own insecurities by pointing out the areas in which she performs better than others.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Mar 7, 2007

If you can bake a cake you can insert a Foley. Imagine if you tried to make a cake without ever seeing or using a mixer or oven. You would be slow and unsure at first, but you can see that eventually you WOULD get it. Keep that in mind to keep your self doubts at bay. Your lab partner has the advantage of having seen all the equipment before, and probably has seen insertions too. She has a huge advantage.

Sure there may be a time when you don't get something and it threatens your ability to become a nurse, but I am absolutely sure that this is not the time. Some of the best nurses in my graduating class were down in the lab practicing bedmaking for 4-5 hours a day the first week, obsessing over seams being up or down, linens tucked or untucked, and I thought they were nuts. Tasks won't keep you from graduating so long as you don't stop practicing, and you don't give up.

Kathyz · Mar 7, 2007

I am in my first semester of an ADN program and sometimes I feel slow too. A few people work as CNAs and some just know things b/c of other life experiences! I go to open lab and practice, practice, practice. It is more fun to hang around the ones who haven't had any previous experience because we feel like "we're all in it together". And then we invite one or two who have experience and are not showoffs to the lab or study group!!

Hang in there! I just keep remembering the more I do it, the better I'll get, and soon I won't even think twice about doing some things! (I'm going this afternoon to my second clinical ever and am not as nervous as last week and am looking forward to the opportunity to "practice" doing my assessment yet again!!)

locolorenzo22, BSN, RN · Mar 7, 2007

I work as a CNA and there are still some basic skills that take me a little longer...but you can be sure it's right. I'd take an extra 5-10 mins to make sure my procedures goes airtight with no problems, versus a sloppy quick job that's going to make me go back in there all night long.....

Don't let the younger students throw you off, I personally love the older students with us because they have the ability to throw off a few curves....

General E. Speaking, RN, RN · Mar 7, 2007

I recall how awkward I used to feel holding a vial and a syringe. Trying to hold the syringe and flick the little air bubbles out took forever. It was like I had two left hands- no coordination! Mitered corners of my beds never looked right. After years of experience, I could probably make a bed in 7 seconds flat with a blindfold on. These things are like second nature now because I have done them a million + times. You will get more comfortable too once you have done it more- it will get easier, I promise.

nj1grlcrus · Mar 7, 2007

Hang in there, I am an oldie, too, and at first, the younguns were alittle hesitant. I just hung in there. We have a mixed bag when it comes to experience, some work in hospitals, I never did. So if they know it already, good. If your lab partner is so great, why doesn't she teach you how to be just as quick as she is, then you could both get out of lab quick. If I knew any tricks, I would certainly pass them on. And why do these kids hope you don't pass to the next class, they should hope every single person passes the program and the NCLEX, makes them look better, coming out of such a quality program, silly rabbits! They should practice some team work, they'll sure need it in the real world...:doh:

WDWpixieRN, RN · Mar 7, 2007

Just ignore the kids. When they are being nasty, just remember...one day they will be slower. One day they will forget what they went to the supply closet for. One day they will pee every time they sneeze!!

I just love it when I can get a good laugh out of these boards....I think that's half the reason I keep coming back!! Thanks for this!! :roll

But to the OP, I am 51....it's frustrating because I KNOW I am not as quick to pick up things as I used to be...but I am thorough (read: anal)....and in the end, the "kids" are not...I feel very fortunate in that there are a number of "mature" youngsters in my class who are my best friends....there are also a few who I would prefer stay as far away from me as possible because of their bad vibes...I don't drink/party/hunt for guys/come to class hungover, etc. anymore so we have little in common anyway...

At your VERY YOUNG age, please let go of feeling "old"....you are not...you are probably pretty much in the prime of this stage of your life and if you've come from the corporate world, have a vast set of resources, experience, and knowledge these young chickies can only hope to ever have...they should feel intimidated by YOU....having health care experience will only take them so far, believe me...pretty much after that first semester, other than physically being in the hospital more often, most are not doing anywhere near what you will be learning in school....it greatly levels the playing field....

Concentrate on you and be proud....and from someone MUCH older, be glad you are doing this now!! Do not allow their actions and attitude effect your life!!

barbnyc · Mar 23, 2007

Thank you everyone for your posts.

I'm over 40, one of the top students in my class, an accomplished human being and kind person. I'm acutely aware my instructor this semester does not like me (I think I remind her of someone she doesn't like or she prefers working with younger students).

I have never felt more vulnerable in my life and it takes the instructor about one minute to diminish my confidence, and I feel incompetent. She told me "you need to trust me," this coming from someone who makes half of the students feel incompetent and publicly berates them. The students who don't do the work, slack off, and manipulate her left and right, are her favorite students. Not to mention, if I did some of the things she told me to do, I would be compromising myself and the patient. I feel like she says these things to try to set me up for failure.

I come home, I cry my frustrations, pray and show up for the next clinical, guarded and over-prepared.

Yesterday, I had my first IVPB, and while priming the line there were a few bubbles. She said "it's fine, not enough to cause a problem." I got rid of all the bubbles before I hung the bag. She was not happy with me.

It is extremely frustrating to deal with someone who has the "shut up and do as you're told" philosophy.

I'm determined to succeed, but dealing with all the feelings I'm having has been a challenge.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Mar 23, 2007

Thank you everyone for your posts.
I'm over 40, one of the top students in my class, an accomplished human being and kind person. I'm acutely aware my instructor this semester does not like me (I think I remind her of someone she doesn't like or she prefers working with younger students).
I have never felt more vulnerable in my life and it takes the instructor about one minute to diminish my confidence, and I feel incompetent. She told me "you need to trust me," this coming from someone who makes half of the students feel incompetent and publicly berates them. The students who don't do the work, slack off, and manipulate her left and right, are her favorite students. Not to mention, if I did some of the things she told me to do, I would be compromising myself and the patient. I feel like she says these things to try to set me up for failure.
I come home, I cry my frustrations, pray and show up for the next clinical, guarded and over-prepared.
Yesterday, I had my first IVPB, and while priming the line there were a few bubbles. She said "it's fine, not enough to cause a problem." I got rid of all the bubbles before I hung the bag. She was not happy with me.
It is extremely frustrating to deal with someone who has the "shut up and do as you're told" philosophy.
I'm determined to succeed, but dealing with all the feelings I'm having has been a challenge.

Look, it is not my intention to hurt your feelings here or be mean to you, but you pretty much confirmed something your instructor said to you about not trusting her! I can also see where you are contributing to your own interpersonal problems by butting heads and acting in an insubordinate way with your instructor who, by the way, is your supervisor. I can tell you as a former IV therapist that a few little air bubbles in an IVPB line are not going to harm the patient. Only in the deep areas of your psyche lies the answer of why you weren't able to trust what your instructor told you. I can understand why she was not happy with you. I don't agree that she was entitled to be unhappy with you. She should have been more understanding in my view and sensitive to your concern, but on the other hand, I think that you were also being a bit unreasonable, headstrong and insubordinate as well. Rather than coming home and crying, I would have been hitting the books or the Internet to find a reason for why, or why not, those air bubbles should have been, or not been, removed from the IV line. Sitting around crying about something just reinforces, feeds and confirms your sense of powerlessness. Is that the kind of person you want to be? Find your power in learning the answer because there is one. The rest of this is all about interpersonal interaction. Your time to be in charge of situations will soon come. Hopefully, you will handle them differently and with more sensitivity. Good supervisors (and RNs are supervisors) approach and handle situations directly (and sometimes bluntly as I have been accused of), not by wanting to play psychological games of oneupmanship with other people around them and involving everyone in emotional upheaval in their attempts to triumph in situations. Now, be honest. Isn't that what you really wanted out of that--to be the winner over the issue of the air bubbles?

Here's a recent thread on the subject of bubbles in IV tubing on allnurses: https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/iv-air-bubble-compensation-190642.html

barbnyc · Mar 23, 2007

Hi Daytonite:

I appreciate your feedback. I think where I struggle is adjusting to what we are learning in school and contrasting differences in the clinical setting.

I have never been subordinate, I just asked questions. I can see your point as to how this can be perceived in a negative light from the perspective of some instructors. My instructor last semester expected questions.

Until I gain the clinical experience plus credentialling to make decisions regarding patient wellbeing, I ask questions. This has nothing to do with being right vs wrong, or being the "winner". I am a student. I don't ask my questions in a crowd, but on a one-on-one basis.

I would rather err on the side of caution than make a mistake that could cause harm to a patient.

As far as dealing with feelings, acknowledging and processing them does strengthen me.

What I have come away with from all of this is that asking questions is counterproductive. This is a "listen and learn" learning curve.

Moving forward, if I have a question, I'll "google it".

Thanks for the link on air bubbles.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Mar 23, 2007

barbnyc. . .i hear what you are saying. it's that mental thinking that is getting to you. i don't know how to turn that around. take it from someone who was (and still is) a spoiled brat with major attitude problems and authority issues (i had a mother who was judge judy times 3) that "resistance is futile", to quote seven of nine from star trek voyager, in the situation you are in. be kind to yourself. us kids of judge judies learn very early that the best way to deal with them is to just say "thank you, ma'am" and not let them see you doing what they don't want you to do. my sister was very good at not letting my mother see her doing what she really wanted to do. consequently, my mother thought she was a little angel. i, on the other hand, didn't care, because i had major attitude problems and so i was regularly getting into trouble, seen as being stubborn and always on her bad side. there are advantages to kowtowing as my sister could tell you and as i have reluctantly learned over the years.

in the major here, i don't want you to cry over the way other people act toward you. people come and go in our lives and soon enough these people will only be memories. there are more important things in life to take away from these experiences than having our feelings hurt. but you have some degree of control over that. make it work to your benefit is what i'm saying. let it be the boot on the foot kicking you to action. good luck! hang in there!