loosing my self confidence and doubting myself

[shoegalRN]

Hello All,

This is my first semester in nursing school. I am doing Foundations. I have NEVER had any experience in the medical field. This is a second career for me. I am a hands on learner but for some reason, when I get in the clinical lab, I start to doubt myself and lose all confidence in myself. I am just a handful of non-traditional students in a traditional BSN program. I feel like the slow one when I ask several questions and the younger students can seem to pick up on something the first time around. I have a younger lab partner (20 yrs old) and I can feel her getting frustrated with me when I asked her if I can do BP readings on her with the instructor watching after lab was over. She has taken a CNA course and is able to catch on very quickly, I need more time to make sure I am getting it right.

Today, we had to do a foley cath on a dummy and I took about 20 minutes to completely finish because I wanted to make sure I didnt contaminate things (I admit, I'm a little anal) and I tried to do the procedure exactly as the instructor has shown us. My lab partner was done in about 10 minutes and just stood there looking at me as I was going over the checkoff list (more like glaring at me).

As we were leaving lab today one of the younger students made a comment that she hopes the instructor just don't "pass people just because she likes them" because it's clearly some people who are not catching on. I had no doubt she was referring to me.

Today, I really thought about quitting and going back to work in the corporate world. Then I thought to myself, I've had 14 years of experience (mostly hands on training) and it's just going to take me a while to get it right, but I guess I'm so concerned with not looking as effecient as the other students it's starting to get to me (considering I'm the oldest student in the class)

Any suggestions? Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

[jjjoy, LPN]

Nursing seems to be replete with people who find questions to be somehow insulting and who think that berating and belittling makes people stronger. These people definitely exist in other setting as well, but it seems very pronounced in nursing for some reason. I'd think the nursing instructor would be pleased that you were concerned about the air bubbles. An experienced instructor should expect this issue to come up and be prepared with the rationale of why such "imperfect" practice is in fact still safe practice and what the actual risks of air in a line are. At the very least, the instructor could assign it as an extra project for the students to research on their own instead of seeing the student's totally reasonable concern as insubordination.

However, that's not often how it works. Welcome to the world of nursing. This same type of attitude is often encountered in the work place as well where you'll frequently run across practices that seem counter to what you've learned. Questions can trigger a defensive attitude that says "This is how we do it here and who do you think you are to question it?" as opposed to "I can see your concern. Let me explain to you why we do it this way." The thing is in many places it seems that people don't really know why it's done one way over another or what other alternatives are alright. They know that what they do works and that they don't have the time to pick it apart and analyze why it's done that way and if there's a better way.

It also seems that no one wants to be responsible for telling someone this definitely is or isn't okay because of liability concerns. So an instructor might feel conflicted over whether or not to tell students that "a little air is okay." Maybe that's part of the reason this instructor got so prickly.

Anyway, you're definitely not alone in your feelings and reactions to the situation. Definitely try to find other students in the program who are supportive. Also, when you go on rotations, if you find a nurse that is supportive or that you "click with" ask if you can keep in contact and use them to bounce questions off of. This particular instructor may not be teaching you nursing tasks in a way that works for you, but she certainly can help you learn to sort out feedback and determine for yourself what is useful (a little air in the line is okay) and what isn't (no need to feel bad about questioning that).

[moongirl]

Thank you everyone for your posts.

I'm over 40, one of the top students in my class, an accomplished human being and kind person. I'm acutely aware my instructor this semester does not like me (I think I remind her of someone she doesn't like or she prefers working with younger students).

I have never felt more vulnerable in my life and it takes the instructor about one minute to diminish my confidence, and I feel incompetent. She told me "you need to trust me," this coming from someone who makes half of the students feel incompetent and publicly berates them. The students who don't do the work, slack off, and manipulate her left and right, are her favorite students. Not to mention, if I did some of the things she told me to do, I would be compromising myself and the patient. I feel like she says these things to try to set me up for failure.

I come home, I cry my frustrations, pray and show up for the next clinical, guarded and over-prepared.

Yesterday, I had my first IVPB, and while priming the line there were a few bubbles. She said "it's fine, not enough to cause a problem." I got rid of all the bubbles before I hung the bag. She was not happy with me.

It is extremely frustrating to deal with someone who has the "shut up and do as you're told" philosophy.

I'm determined to succeed, but dealing with all the feelings I'm having has been a challenge.

yikes.. dont ever go ahead and do something the instructor tells you not to do!!!!!! Especially if she already has a chip on her shoulder about you in the first place. This is nursing school. you def. have to shut up and do as your told. If she tells you to do something and she is standing right there beside you, do it. You are practicing under her license, and she is the instructor. She has every right to expect you to do it the way she wants.

Yes, there are mean, crabby, difficult, brutal instructors who live to tear students down- most of them work at my college, but you do what you gotta do to get by.

[barbnyc]

Thanks everyone.

"When in Rome ...".

I am going to be smiling, nodding and saying "okay" for the remainder of the semester.

[moongirl]

Thanks everyone.

"When in Rome ...".

I am going to be smiling, nodding and saying "okay" for the remainder of the semester.

right on!:flowersfo