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Life Just Sucks Sometimes

Published

Specializes in Mental Health. Has 30+ years experience.

My Grandmother was born in 1904 and immigrated to America with her family shortly thereafter. When she turned 12, her Mother forced her to drop out of school and work twelve hours a day in a tire factory so the family could pay the bills. When she was 17, her family pressured her to marry a man she didn't love in order to gain financial security. Shortly after she said I do, my Grandmother came to her senses and demanded a divorce. You are reading page 3 of Life Just Sucks Sometimes. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

ambil

Has 20 years experience.

What a wonderful read that was. Short and so true in all its aspects. That was just great. Sometimes life just is what it is. Someone wrote that this thread made them somehow sad. I find this thread relates just the opposite. It shouts out truthfullness and reality and hope.

Jo Dirt

Has 9 years experience.

I would say medication helped, but the real progress was through therapy.

That's funny, therapy didn't do a thing for me. I found rattling on about my woes to some uninterested stranger to be draining and annoying.

That's funny, therapy didn't do a thing for me. I found rattling on about my woes to some uninterested stranger to be draining and annoying.

Therapy never helped me either.

However, Lithium is a life saver. Well...

Lithium, Effexor and Adderall. :D

Gotta love the people that think you can just deal with it.

It's because of situations like this that it's so hard to get legitimately sick people hospitalized.

Edit: I'm sure glad we don't live in a world where children just do what their parents say, no questions allowed. There are situations where that is appropriate, but if the child will be harmed? That's another story.

74% divorce rate? Where did that statistic come from? I understand that statistics can be altered to make them say whatever you want them to. I also understand that in some areas, it's almost gauche to stay together if you have kids. I've never heard of parents divorcing so their kids won't feel left out, but I'm sure it's happened.

Edit #2: When my pastor was in seminary in the 1970s, his first wife left him (no kids) and his mom threw a fit because "What are the neighbors going to think?" Um, maybe they don't care because it's none of their business? Anyway, a couple years ago, he was going to accompany some people on a mission trip in our region and cancelled because of a "family emergency." We found out later that his parents were separating after 60 years of marriage! His dad had turned 83, and realized he might not have much time left and said, "Your mom's control freak issues are worse than ever. I just can't live with her any more." I do not know if they got divorced.

My sister is 38, and when she was in high school, she wanted our parents to divorce because kids at school were teasing her for having married parents! Can you believe it! Meanwhile, 40 years earlier my grandparents divorced (for some very good reasons) and a lot of parents wouldn't allow their kids to associate with my dad and his siblings any more.

You just can't win.

Edited by rph3664

Neveranurseagain, RN

Has 26 years experience.

What a wonderful, inspiring story! My husband died of a medical incident 4 yrs ago (read my first thread) and my world turned upside down. Not only did my husband die, leaving me with a 9 and 10 yr old but it wiped out my career too. Since then life has been one large black hole that I fell deeper into every year. I too, have been using antidepressants and Lorazapam on and off for the last 4 years. I was unable to afford therapy as I still have Kaiser, and their MD's were partially responsible for his death and I have no trust in their healthcare providers. God please help me if I ever have to rely on them for a serious, major medical event.

So after my med mal settlement, and then from re-reading the words of encouragement from the nurses on my first thread, I found a therapist who lets me pay a reduced fee and I pay for it my self. His first recommendation was that I not take antidepressants as he felt my depression was something that I needed therapy for, not drugs. So I have been Paxil free, and almost Lorazapam free for 5 mths now, and therapy is slowly working. I still have a long ways to go, and will probably never work as an RN again but there is hope in my future instead of blackness. There is a small light at the end of the tunnel.

So what have I learned so far? Life is suffering, living life is painful and now I have one more I can add-- LIFE CAN BE SUCKY! But until you work through the pain and suffering and issues that life throws you, you are doomed in run around in circles. It takes real courage to face issues and learn to cope and change, and therapy is not easy.

Antidepressants are for people who do have chemical imbalances and need the drugs to function, not for the majority of us that have depression from having a sucky life or situation.

I also feel insurance companies are behind the push for antidepresssants as it is cheaper to fill a $10 rx for Paxil/Prozac than to pay for therapy. Too many people I know are on antidepressants and therapy was never even mentioned. They need to learn how to cope with life, and stop running around in circles.

And having a sucky life should be a ICD-9!

Edited by Neveranurseagain

Sand_Dollar, BSN

Specializes in Critical Care, Clinical Documentation Specialist. Has 5 years experience.

I have to agree with Grandma! My life sucked, and I was depressed. I had owned my own business in Canada, gave up everything and moved the the US to be with my husband. I could not however work, so I stayed home with the children, home schooled them and focused on our family. Nothing wrong with that, but I found myself getting more and more depressed.

I had a revelation last summer that I needed challenges and really had none! I had already figured I wanted to be a nurse, but I didn't have the self-confidence (or figured my hubby would let me) to go back to school (I'm 40). Well, I did it! I started with a couple classes and got A's. I feel GREAT! I haven't had a depressive episode in a long time. I have goals again and challenges and I feel great! This is the best I have felt in my whole life. All I can say is if your not happy with your life, do something about it! I did and I am so happy, and so is my family. Its wonderful!

Iam46yearsold

Specializes in ER,ICU,L+D,OR. Has 25 years experience.

you go girl

Creamsoda, ASN, RN

Specializes in ICU.

Great post. I completely agree with you. I know too many people whos "brains are making them sad", so they happily take those expensive antidepressants, when clearly from anyone elses perspective, their life sucks, but it was them who made it that way in alot of cases. (not all). These are the kind of people who dont realize that they need to make their own lives better to be happier. So they contine to take these medications, not without side effects and continue on in their ignorant bliss because "its not their fault", and never even consider doing something to fix their crappy lives. I just dont get society. I understand that there are real mental illnesses, but these days, everyone has a mental illness. Its like a pandemic really.

Great post. I completely agree with you. I know too many people whos "brains are making them sad", so they happily take those expensive antidepressants, when clearly from anyone elses perspective, their life sucks, but it was them who made it that way in alot of cases. (not all). These are the kind of people who dont realize that they need to make their own lives better to be happier. So they contine to take these medications, not without side effects and continue on in their ignorant bliss because "its not their fault", and never even consider doing something to fix their crappy lives. I just dont get society. I understand that there are real mental illnesses, but these days, everyone has a mental illness. Its like a pandemic really.

And there are a lot of people whose bad decisions were influenced by their depression or other mental illness.

Antidepressants are for people who do have chemical imbalances and need the drugs to function, not for the majority of us that have depression from having a sucky life or situation.

Another part of the problem is our language.

You aren't 'depressed' because your life is sucky. You are sad. When it progresses to the point where you not only have physical symptoms but they affect your life functions THEN you are depressed.

Like the person that experiences a loss and thinks they are depressed. Nope, that's not even depression. That's grief. It can turn into depression but people need to remember that sadness and grief aren't depression.

We throw the word around to much.

Another part of the problem is our language.

You aren't 'depressed' because your life is sucky. You are sad. When it progresses to the point where you not only have physical symptoms but they affect your life functions THEN you are depressed.

Like the person that experiences a loss and thinks they are depressed. Nope, that's not even depression. That's grief. It can turn into depression but people need to remember that sadness and grief aren't depression.

We throw the word around to much.

When I was in college, I had a relationship that tanked (half my fault) and I went to see the psychiatrist at the Quack Shack (our nickname for Student Health :p ) because I just wasn't getting over it, and she wanted to put me on Prozac that very first visit! At the time, I didn't know enough about Prozac to really have an opinion and the drug was relatively new as well, but I declined because I was not depressed! Plus, I really didn't have $70 a month to spend on something I didn't need.

I HAVE experienced clinical depression. This wasn't it.

Some of my favorite stories and life lessons are from my grandparents as well.....what a wealth of knowledge and love they are......

Well.....

It takes 2 ingredients to make a rainbow

Sun

and

Rain

It is like everything else in life.....would we recognize true beauty if there wasn't ugly to compare it too....

What about sweet and sour......

Life is a journey...it is easy to get stuck in places like sadness....either through not knowing, wanting, or realizing it we, as humans, live where we are. Less of us take the roads less traveled in our own lives, we walk the same worn paths we walk most of our lives only to wonder why our shoes are worn and our feet sore. Sometimes in life we must take a turn in a new direction, not forgetting our past, but making a different future. Just remember it is about the journey, not the destination.

CONGRATULATIONS on finding some peace.....

Iam46yearsold

Specializes in ER,ICU,L+D,OR. Has 25 years experience.

Its also all that marketing on the TV or idiot box. Your life will be so much better if you take whatever. Please talk to your doctor. Then the Doctors nowadays are so prescription happy.

neonatal3

Specializes in neonatal intensive care unit. Has 35 years experience.

Hello all,

Bravo for the great "reality check" type comments about how sometimes life does suck! I salute your grandmother for saying that sometimes we have reasons to feel sad...so if that's what we are feeling, then sometimes that seems about right. And good for your grandmother that she apparently made some positive changes in her life and moved on to feel better again! Your encouraging comments are helping me work through bad feelings about a nursing work situation yesterday which truly sucked! Thanks!

Best wishes to all!

I really appreciate this article! Yeah, my life sucks, too! But nobody wants to hear that, they just want people to be happy around them all the time. I also have chemical imbalances, a history of infertility, and a family history of mental illness. Believe it or not, the meds that have helped balance me out the most are low-dose estradiol birth control pills! I may or may not be on meds the rest of my life, I hope not, but nothing works without facing the issues and learning to work through them. I'm trying that, too, through therapy. When I first went to a therapist, I wasn't sure if I even qualified as being depressed, even though I could barely function anymore. I so admire your grandmother for staying true to herself when everyone around her was trying to dictate who she should be. Had she given in to all that, her life probably would have sucked even more.

Thanks Hal_Dol for that. I know it sucked at first but I'm giving it another try to finish up. My memory has been affected by chemo so now I am trying Giko biloba to try to get more oxygen up there in the old noggin. I believe in my dream of becoming an RN. I have a great marriage and wonderful 17 year old daughter who is sort of independent. Thank God! My husband is very supportive about my schooling. I think the reason I didn't make it last time is because I didn't absorb the literature I was supposed to. I am going to be all over it. All I have is a year left. Wish me luck.

Edited by nursegottabe
add more

Thank you for sharing. I am going to be the lone voice of opposition here. I want to agree with you that yes, perhaps a person is sad because their life sucks. There are a lot of people out there who's life sucks. In fact, I bet most peoples life sucks unless you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth, which most people are not. However, most people are not depressed. A contemporary of your grandmothers and a woman's libber beyond her years was forcibly labotomized for her radical thoughts and beliefs. She lived out her life as a compliant little housewife.

You grandmother was the child of immigrants. Romantic love is a concept mostly foreign to those outside the united states. Marriage was an institution of stability and procreation and you hopefully would grow to like, respect and even love your spouse. It was a pragmatic institution. In the minds of many of her contemporaries, your grandmother was crazy as she was balking at an established reality and placing herself at great risk socially and economically. As such, she was perceived as placing herself deliberately in harms way. The very criteria now used to forcibly commit someone. Isn't it fascinating how so much "science" in our society is relative. Had she done what she did in the 70's, she would have been heralded as an icon of women's liberation. (The same liberation that is connected with a 74% divorce rate, dysfuntional families and children, forced two income families due to inflation adjustments from two income earners, now we all must be, etc.). Life is what you make it, no matter how "sucky" your situation. Ultimately, I CHOOSE to be happy or not. I know some of the poorest people who are the happiest and some very wealthy miserable people. We live for the sake of each other and only when we focus on ourselves and what we want, at the expense of those around us, does life begin to appear "sucky". The rugged individualism of America has yielded the fruits of alienation, social disaccord, and loss of reality testing for many. That's the truth, and yeah, it sucks.

Jon

I really agree with the original poster. Yes, you have some valid points, but...

Sometimes, life throws a curveball that can't be corrected with a sunny disposition and a forced smile. It may be true that we choose our own destiny, however we are forced to make those choices at times with the hand that we are dealt. To say that I am happy with my situation is ludicrous. To wake up with that sick feeling in my stomach knowing I face yet another day in a thankless dead-end job that may not be there by the end of the week due to layoffs ravaging the newspaper industry does not leave me with the feeling that, "Oh well, I'll force a smile and CHOOSE happiness..." To loosely quote a movie, "everyday you see me, is the worst day of my life..." (Office Space).

What the original poster said, is truer for me than anything else that I have read. My situation may suck right now. But, I saw it coming last January and enrolled in school. Hell-bent on getting into the program this next fall. Now, three quarters later, I've made HUGE strides and caught up with students that were many quarters ahead of me. Right now, it's going to suck for a bit. While I work two jobs, go to school full time, and try to maintain that high GPA. However, one day, I'll graduate and it won't suck like it has for the last 15 years.

Like the original poster said, I could easily run into the doctor, lay my life on his desk and say, "I can't deal, I need something for the epic suckfest that is my life..." He/she'd give me a pill. I could trudge on complacently for awhile. Eventually that pill wouldn't be enough and I'd have to up my dosage or move on to another pill.

You see there are two types of depressing situations here. There are physiological manifestations where chemical imbalances create a permanent problem that must be managed by introducing chemicals in an effort to balance the equation. Then there are temporary problems that cause depression for a short time but can be remedied by removing the stimulus causing the depression.

As you stated, life has created many of these stimulants. A giant mortgage, two car payments, credit card debt - mostly from trying to "Keep up with the Jones's." One cannot simply assume a smile and make depression go away. What you can do, is look deep inside yourself and decide if you have the mettle to go back to school or increase your education, move away from the low-paying dead-end job that won't allow you to live life the way you want to. Enter a new field or continue your education so that you can command the paycheck that allows you to live life the way you want to. That's fighting fire with fire. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Resolving the situation all together.

Kudos to both of you for speaking up. For some of us, regardless of whether or not we created our own situation, simply assuming a smile and believing in sunshine in happiness isn't going to cut it.

This story is a tribute to one very strong lady. Let's make that two strong ladies. You have put into words what is wrong with many people's lives today, and have shed light on another way to view our lives and how we go about living them. Thanks for the wake-up call!