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Life Just Sucks Sometimes

Published

Specializes in Mental Health. Has 30+ years experience.

My Grandmother was born in 1904 and immigrated to America with her family shortly thereafter. When she turned 12, her Mother forced her to drop out of school and work twelve hours a day in a tire factory so the family could pay the bills. When she was 17, her family pressured her to marry a man she didn't love in order to gain financial security. Shortly after she said I do, my Grandmother came to her senses and demanded a divorce. You are reading page 2 of Life Just Sucks Sometimes. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

If you get 10 psychotherapists together, you'll probably have 10 different opinions on cognitive based therapy vs. medication. That's part of the point (and the problem) with finding the right therapist; the fit has to be right not only with your condition but also with your own value system. Some conditions clearly need medication. For others, any meds are over-meds, but some therapists will prescribe anyway.

Remember the patient or client can always say no; the problem is that someone struggling with even moderate depression may have so much self-doubt that they can't say no and stick with it.

At one point in my life I was under pressure to take an SSRI "just for a while", and also to take ADD/ADHD medications as a form of diagnosis. (If you get better, it's AADD; if there's no change, it's not.) I refused both, and had a great deal of support from my spouse. He has his own issues and we came out of therapy as a team, him and me against the world. It's by no means a perfect life, but it's certainly a workable one.

The other point I want to make is that exercise is of huge benefit for cases of mild to moderate depression or anxiety. This is not just my opinion; it's also one voiced by psychiatrists and psychotherapists. I'm by no means in great shape or athletic but I get antsy when I can't work out, and can trace relapses in my mental state to too much stress and too little exercise. Ya think I'd learn, huh? :chuckle But it's all a process, and one I am embracing!

good to know thanks a million thumbs up!

Thank you so much, for sharing this article! This is so totally life affirming. It is good to know that independent thought, is still very widespread!

DebanamRN, MSN, RN

Specializes in Hospice, ER. Has 10 years experience.

I really believe that "A sucky life" should be a NANDA approved diagnosis.

Thanks for a great article.

Thank you for sharing. I am going to be the lone voice of opposition here. I want to agree with you that yes, perhaps a person is sad because their life sucks. There are a lot of people out there who's life sucks. In fact, I bet most peoples life sucks unless you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth, which most people are not. However, most people are not depressed. A contemporary of your grandmothers and a woman's libber beyond her years was forcibly labotomized for her radical thoughts and beliefs. She lived out her life as a compliant little housewife.

You grandmother was the child of immigrants. Romantic love is a concept mostly foreign to those outside the united states. Marriage was an institution of stability and procreation and you hopefully would grow to like, respect and even love your spouse. It was a pragmatic institution. In the minds of many of her contemporaries, your grandmother was crazy as she was balking at an established reality and placing herself at great risk socially and economically. As such, she was perceived as placing herself deliberately in harms way. The very criteria now used to forcibly commit someone. Isn't it fascinating how so much "science" in our society is relative. Had she done what she did in the 70's, she would have been heralded as an icon of women's liberation. (The same liberation that is connected with a 74% divorce rate, dysfuntional families and children, forced two income families due to inflation adjustments from two income earners, now we all must be, etc.). Life is what you make it, no matter how "sucky" your situation. Ultimately, I CHOOSE to be happy or not. I know some of the poorest people who are the happiest and some very wealthy miserable people. We live for the sake of each other and only when we focus on ourselves and what we want, at the expense of those around us, does life begin to appear "sucky". The rugged individualism of America has yielded the fruits of alienation, social disaccord, and loss of reality testing for many. That's the truth, and yeah, it sucks.

Jon

CacaoNut2

Specializes in Cardiac, Oncology, Travel, Surg, LTAC.

After 59+ years of ups and downs, I have to say that I agree with this idea. A lot of times my unhappiness came from poor choices, or not wanting to hurt others' feelings/make others unhappy. (as if my feelings didn't matter?!?!?) Now I know that I was just being abusive to myself, in a strong sense of the word! For me, now, life is about making the changes it takes to take care of me. If I make an unfortunate choice, I change it. If the new job I take sucks....I look for another one. No....there is no perfect job! But there sure are some that are not as bad as others! There is no perfect person....but there sure are some that are not as bad as others! And so it goes! Live may not be a bowl of cherries, but even the pits are useful....to make other cherries!:)

diane227, LPN, RN

Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg. Has 32 years experience.

I suffer from major depression with cyclothymia. I take medications and would be totally disfunctional without them. My illness is very severe. I can't even miss a day of medication without having ill effects. I have tried being off my medication once and I went down hill very fast. Could not get out of bed, very anxious, sad, angry. It was horrible. I know that I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life and I feel OK about it. Diane

mizfradd, CNA

Specializes in med/surg, psych, public health. Has 11 years experience.

I loved reading your uplifting story!!

What a brave and very wise grandmother you were blessed to have in your life.

CalNevaMimi, LPN, LVN

Specializes in DD, PD/Agency Peds, School Sites.

I appreciate that the OP's message was that many people want a quick fix to feel better. I don't think this was meant to include people with major depression. That would make us sound silly. Thanks again for the original message.

Jo Dirt

Has 9 years experience.

Thank you for sharing. I am going to be the lone voice of opposition here. I want to agree with you that yes, perhaps a person is sad because their life sucks. There are a lot of people out there who's life sucks. In fact, I bet most peoples life sucks unless you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth, which most people are not. However, most people are not depressed. A contemporary of your grandmothers and a woman's libber beyond her years was forcibly labotomized for her radical thoughts and beliefs. She lived out her life as a compliant little housewife.

You grandmother was the child of immigrants. Romantic love is a concept mostly foreign to those outside the united states. Marriage was an institution of stability and procreation and you hopefully would grow to like, respect and even love your spouse. It was a pragmatic institution. In the minds of many of her contemporaries, your grandmother was crazy as she was balking at an established reality and placing herself at great risk socially and economically. As such, she was perceived as placing herself deliberately in harms way. The very criteria now used to forcibly commit someone. Isn't it fascinating how so much "science" in our society is relative. Had she done what she did in the 70's, she would have been heralded as an icon of women's liberation. (The same liberation that is connected with a 74% divorce rate, dysfuntional families and children, forced two income families due to inflation adjustments from two income earners, now we all must be, etc.). Life is what you make it, no matter how "sucky" your situation. Ultimately, I CHOOSE to be happy or not. I know some of the poorest people who are the happiest and some very wealthy miserable people. We live for the sake of each other and only when we focus on ourselves and what we want, at the expense of those around us, does life begin to appear "sucky". The rugged individualism of America has yielded the fruits of alienation, social disaccord, and loss of reality testing for many. That's the truth, and yeah, it sucks.

Jon

You said it. I kind of got the hint of resentment toward the field of psychiatry and those who have been diagnosed as mentally ill. Mental illness is real. Naturally, there are plenty who try to play the mental illness card

to their full advantage, but if a person ever had to deal with real depression/mental sickness and saw what life is like without their "pill" they would get off their high horses and shut their mouths pretty quick. My mother once said people have to take "pills" because they can't deal with life the way other people have to. She is one who should heed her own advice (though she only meant it in the most condescending way toward people who seek treatment for depression). My mother is one of the most miserable, depressed people I know and she refuses to take medication for it.

Anyway, I think the attitude of this post is what makes someone with mental sickness feel defeated before they even think about getting help. Yes, life sucks. Whether it sucks because of your brain or life sucks just so bad it is getting you down, you shouldn't forego that "pill." The more I think about the original post the more annoyed I get. I know it is meant to attempt to bring "common sense" to the situation and try to show there is mass hysteria and everyone thinks life should always be rosy and if it isn't they go get pills, and I always hated it when people patronize other people and assume they don't have enough sense to realize that. Like I said, if they really had to deal with what the other person who takes "pills" deals with they would shut up.

And just because granny says it doesn't make it chock full of wisdom. I'm sure mental institutions were no vacation resort, but it was the best they had at the time. I can't imagine it would have been better to put these people on the streets where they may have fared much worse.

For that matter, I would surely appreciate being matched with a nice man who would take care of me. Anyone in my situation would.

We live for the sake of each other and only when we focus on ourselves and what we want, at the expense of those around us, does life begin to appear "sucky".

This is so incredibly true. That is why there are some people that can be happy in any situation, and some that cannot be happy no matter how good things are on the outside.

Iam46yearsold

Specializes in ER,ICU,L+D,OR. Has 25 years experience.

I do not take antidepressants, I do not take anti anxiety meds. I eat well, sleep well, exercise well. keep everything in balance. On occasion when things get rough maybe some fine Champagne or even a little marijuana, takes care of everything.

annmariern

Specializes in vascular, med surg, home health , rehab,. Has 30 years experience.

Have had several episodes of depression, twice requiring meds. I stopped them because they made me feel numb. Each time I uncovered the real reasons behind the depression, therapy was as effective; I see this trend of pharmaceutical companies pushing drugs, telling people if they feel sad for a mere two weeks, well thats clinical depression, taking a mind altering pill and your fixed; now the latest ads if the first pill doesn't fix you take another one alongside it. It scares me because who know what altering brain chemistry will impact us in the future particulary in kids. And two, why are we as a society hiding from the fact that yes life is hard, we all have things to work through, painful, time consuming, ugly as that might be. I don't see a happier society despite the meds. I have seen pts who needed the meds to get out of a chemical hole, but not without therapy in conjunction with it. Have seen the antidepressant numb friends, nothing bothers them, they live their lives through a window tolerating the intolerable. How much of this is more focused on profits for the pharmaceutical companies than for the advancement of treatment for mental illness?

Right now Im not at all sure.

Jo Dirt

Has 9 years experience.

Lexapro saved my life. It made me monotone, but that was a much better alternative than the somber, angry emotionally labile nut my children had to put up with. If I had been told the Lexapro would shorten my life by 20 years I would have taken it over living how I was living (I have substantial frontal lobe damage from a horseback riding accident that is a major contributor to the depression.) Life still sucked, and the Lexapro was far from a "happy pill" but I know I made better decisions and handled life better than before I was on it. It's not fair to lump the use of antidepressants in one or two (or even three) categories. No, children and teens should not be given antidepressants, people who think a pill will cure all their problems will be disappointed, but I'll vouch for what they did for me.

Liddle Noodnik

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep.. Has 30 years experience.

Awesome! Smart grandmother!

You're right. A lot of people are sad and its not because things are necessarily wrong with them. Many people I know go into deep depressions because life hands them impossible situations where they should be rightfully sad. Feeling sad is normal and like every emotion, is very valid and needs to be felt. However, sometimes the sadness can become overwhelming. Life can be very traumatic and filled horrible, terrible things that have no rhyme or reason (think about the jet that killed that whole family in San Diego last week). How does one make sense of these things? If my whole family had died in the house from some freak jet crash, I can without a doubt tell you that I would not make it. I would shrivel up and die. At times, things that are out of your control can lead to overwhelming feelings of sadness, which may become pathological and can really ruin many lives of the suffering victim and that of their friends and family.

I know you didn't mean this article as a statement against psychiatry, psychology, or therapy. Yet I feel some people may interpret in it this way. Personally, as someone who has experienced deep depression due to many traumatic and inexplicable events in my life, I would hate to see how my life would have turned out if I had not sought therapy. I would say medication helped, but the real progress was through therapy.

I love this thread. Your grandma is a wise lady.