Leaving Nursing For Good

[guest1206613]

Hello everyone, 

I don't feel like I really need to go into detail as to why I'm leaving but I'll touch on it and give a little background about me. Graduated in 2020 with high hopes of making a difference. Fast forward to now.

Sure I've left a mark of patients lives, but ultimately nursing has left a huge hole in me. I began having panic attacks (that has never been an issue) the first semester of nursing school. Went to the ER because they were BAD. I actually thought I was having a heart attack.

The panic attacks continued. I tried antidepressants (again, I was never depressed before) but nothing worked. The doctor prescribed me Xanax. It worked immediately. I never abused them but months go by, then a few years. I took my first nursing job in South Carolina. I took about 50 pills then me to wean off. Within two days I was withdrawing.

I feel like an idiot now, but I just thought I was super stressed. Had to fly back to Texas to get my prescription refilled because no doctor in the urgent care would prescribe it. I could write a book on that, and how to NEVER take benzodiazepines, but I'll save that. Back to leaving nursing.

Everyone says, "Just stick it out" "It's rough for the first year" "Try a different field of nursing" "Just  work for 3 days and be done" The problem is I bought into the lie about compassion, integrity, teamwork, etc. I honestly did not have an issue with many patients. I expected some to be rude. Some were dying, some were old and tired. It never bothered me that a few patients were rude. I'm quitting nursing because so many nurses were so hateful to me.

I constantly felt like I had to watch my back. There was constant gossip. Also, I have never meet this many people that work so hard to be so lazy. I have watched nurses completely ignore patients to where I have to stop my assignments to take care of their patients. Yes, I was very vocal about it to the DON, with no results. Only to have the administrator tell me I should have to talk to him. Yeah right, then I'd have a target on my back for the DON.

From my experience nursing has sucked the soul out of me. I am dependent on benzodiazepines now, just started trintellix for MAJOR depression. (Suicidal ideation) I used to run marathons, and now I barely want to get up to take a shower. Maybe it's me, but I know I was never like this until I began pursuing a nursing career.

I used to joke around all of the time. Now I just ruminate on life and how I hate it. The world needs nurses but I just wanted to post this, because since I have been a nurse I always find myself googling things like. "Quit nursing, now what" "Mental health is suffering since I became a nurse" "Is it okay to quit a nursing job before a year" You get the idea.

I lost it on the lazy nurses and management yesterday at work. I just lost it. I was so tired of picking up the other nurses slack and management not doing a thing about it because we were short staffed. The administrator called this morning being hateful. Actually talking *** to me. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they try to set me up somehow to get my license taken away. Yes, people can set you up. All it takes is a few people in power and it is your word against theirs.

Now I am unemployed. I'm not going to act like I'm not stressed, because I have bills to pay and no pay check. I will find a job quickly. I don't care if it's a store clerk. Again, from my experience this field is full of vindictive broken people who will do anything to make other peoples lives miserable. For anyone reading this that has suffered like me, if nursing is ruining your life make adjustments and get out. I had to remind myself that I had a great life before nursing so why can't I have a great life again. 

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Well I don't really know what to say but I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I toy with leaving for many of the same reasons. I never "got used to it" either and I feel like medicating myself to the max to stay or be successful in this career is sort of dumb. I would like to find a job that really suits ME and my personality rather than forcing myself to fit into nursing. Some parts I love but the parts I don't kind of make or break my success in the field. 

What kind of job would you love if money was not an issue? 

[Davey Do]

Daniel Gilbert wrote in his great book, Stumbling on Happiness that we always feel better when we have someone else to blame for our pain.

A quote from Emotions Anonymous goes, "My happiness is not a result of what others do or say or what goes on around me. My happiness is a result of being at peace with myself".

Some of us do not possess the coping mechanisms, or are not wired in a certain way, to deal well with stress. If we're not "wired in a way" in order to deal with stress, we need to adopt a philosophy of beliefs which can buoy us through stressful waters. We need to work a program every day, in every situation, in order to deal with our psyche pain.

I thank God, the Guardians of the Galaxy, the Forces That Be, and The Fates that I was blessed enough to have known people of a higher consciousness who could teach, guide, and help me through major life crises and the stress of working as a nurse.

[guest1206613]

Davey Do said:

Happiness that we always feel better when we have someone else to blame for our pain

Davey, thank you. Another reason to solidify why I should leave nursing. No compassion and MOST not all nurses thinking they know it all. Again, not a jab at you, just another good reminder as to why the nursing field is definitely not for me. Also, since you specialize in psych, I really hope you don't speak to your patients that way. It is definitely it therapeutic. Thanks for your post! 

[guest1206613]

Curious1alwys said:

What kind of job would you love if money was not an issue? 

I would love to become a pastor. I actually got into nursing because I was involved with mission work abroad. It was a gray time in my life. I was blessed to get to go with a group of medical professional that were so kind. That compelled me to enter into nursing. It's just way different doing mission work vs nursing. I'm updating my resume and will find work to pay the bills, but I am definitely getting back to the basics for reading my Bible and getting involved in church again. I know God will open up doors. I'm super or was super passionate about Christ. I put nursing first and put Christ last. Now I'm paying for it. That's for asking that question. It helped a lot. 

[Adam D., ASN, RN]

Your facility sounds like a garbage place to work. I just finished my first year in a dumpy rural ER that wasn't even run by a *** ED nurse. The place was toxic as hell, grown *** women acting like 12 year old meangirls, and they'd always treat the new nurses like ***. Orientation was cut off 2 months early with no structure or any sort of residency program I was promised.

Some  nurses are just crabby they're stuck in a *** job at a *** facility cause they have a mortgage and can't leave. Try another facility or specialty before calling it quits. I got my year in and left that miserable place in my rear view. Just food for thought, all the travel nurses I've met up here in Maine are from down south. Everyone I've talked to said the pay and working conditions are trash down there. Maybe try moving out of the Carolinas if you can.

I'm moving the hell back to Massachusetts to polish up my bedside skills. The place I was at was a *** dump, I couldn't believe it was in New England. 3 Emtala violations, over 6 nurses and 4 doctors left. That doesn't count support staff that left. Regularly short on supplies, sending pts home with a foley and no leg bag and everyone is looking at me funny cause I think that's unacceptable.  Don't internalize their inability to run a hospital correctly, just leave. They'll try to put it on you any chance they get.

...Just go somewhere else. I've noticed nurses are notorious for trying to bring someone down to their level if the other person has a more pleasant disposition than they do. Just like any other job, there are lazy and miserable pieces of *** everywhere. Some of those old timers just put up with miserable workplaces for their entire careers, but that doesn't mean you have to. don't settle. LEAVE and don't go back. You know when your being held back or when it's time to go, that

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

You don't need to get out of nursing, You need to get out of HOSPITAL nursing.  Use your hard earned degree. Scour the job boards to find something other than hospital employment.  Work with your provider to wean off the benzos.  

Best wishes

[mtmkjr, BSN]

I'm sorry that your experience has been so negative. I don't doubt what you say about your work environment as there are some truly horrible places out there.

That is not the norm though. I hope you consider other options in nursing and don't give up on it so soon. There are lots of good places out there. 

Have you considered working for a faith-based organization? Or maybe take some time to do some type of medical missions. I'm sorry I don't have specific recommendations I'm just trying to think of something that would fit your needs right now on the tail end of the toxicity you've experienced. 

[windsurfer8, BSN, RN]

Not once in that book you wrote did you take ownership of anything.  Blame fellow nurses, blame bosses, blame patients.  You are blaming being an RN for 2 years for every medical issue you have?   If you were having panic attacks your first semester of school what made you think you could handle actual nursing?  Quit if you want no one cares, but you have to take some ownership and stop blaming everyone else.  Life is hard.  People are sometimes rude. You knew in your first semester you couldn't handle it so how is that everyone else's fault? 

[guest1206613]

 

Been there,done that said:

You don't need to get out of nursing, You need to get out of HOSPITAL nursing.  Use your hard earned degree. Scour the job boards to find something other than hospital employment.  Work with your provider to wean off the benzos.  

Thanks, I'm working my doctor now. Thanks for the suggestion and support. I've been down and out lately so thanks again. 

[CommunityRNBSN, BSN, RN]

Been there,done that said:

You don't need to get out of nursing, You need to get out of HOSPITAL nursing.  Use your hard earned degree. Scour the job boards to find something other than hospital employment.  Work with your provider to wean off the benzos.  

Best wishes

Amen and amen. Outpatient clinics can be fabulous places to work. You have hospital experience (I don't) so you could even get into something like outpatient surgical centers. Currently I do some school nursing— it has its problems of course, but there are no other nurses around (ie, I'm the only nurse in the school), so if your problem is meshing with other nurses, it's something to look into. 

[abbnurse]

Adam D. said:

 grown *** women acting like 12 year old meangirls, and they'd always treat the new nurses like ***. 

 I've noticed nurses are notorious for trying to bring someone down to their level if the other person has a more pleasant disposition than they do. Just like any other job, there are lazy and miserable pieces of *** everywhere. 

Amen to  this !   And to  guest1206613,  I really feel for you and agree with others that it sounds like your workplace is just awful.  

For what it's worth -  and as I've posted a few times  -  I now work in the world of substance use disorder treatment ( in an outpatient treatment center), and it is literally the first time in 31 years of nursing that I actually feel like I am making a difference.  Just something to think about.   ?

Best wishes as you go forward !