I don't feel like I really need to go into detail as to why I'm leaving but I'll touch on it and give a little background about me. Graduated in 2020 with high hopes of making a difference. Fast forward to now.
Sure I've left a mark of patients lives, but ultimately nursing has left a huge hole in me. I began having panic attacks (that has never been an issue) the first semester of nursing school. Went to the ER because they were BAD. I actually thought I was having a heart attack.
The panic attacks continued. I tried antidepressants (again, I was never depressed before) but nothing worked. The doctor prescribed me Xanax. It worked immediately. I never abused them but months go by, then a few years. I took my first nursing job in South Carolina. I took about 50 pills then me to wean off. Within two days I was withdrawing.
I feel like an idiot now, but I just thought I was super stressed. Had to fly back to Texas to get my prescription refilled because no doctor in the urgent care would prescribe it. I could write a book on that, and how to NEVER take benzodiazepines, but I'll save that. Back to leaving nursing.
Everyone says, "Just stick it out" "It's rough for the first year" "Try a different field of nursing" "Just work for 3 days and be done" The problem is I bought into the lie about compassion, integrity, teamwork, etc. I honestly did not have an issue with many patients. I expected some to be rude. Some were dying, some were old and tired. It never bothered me that a few patients were rude. I'm quitting nursing because so many nurses were so hateful to me.
I constantly felt like I had to watch my back. There was constant gossip. Also, I have never meet this many people that work so hard to be so lazy. I have watched nurses completely ignore patients to where I have to stop my assignments to take care of their patients. Yes, I was very vocal about it to the DON, with no results. Only to have the administrator tell me I should have to talk to him. Yeah right, then I'd have a target on my back for the DON.
From my experience nursing has sucked the soul out of me. I am dependent on benzodiazepines now, just started trintellix for MAJOR depression. (Suicidal ideation) I used to run marathons, and now I barely want to get up to take a shower. Maybe it's me, but I know I was never like this until I began pursuing a nursing career.
I used to joke around all of the time. Now I just ruminate on life and how I hate it. The world needs nurses but I just wanted to post this, because since I have been a nurse I always find myself googling things like. "Quit nursing, now what" "Mental health is suffering since I became a nurse" "Is it okay to quit a nursing job before a year" You get the idea.
I lost it on the lazy nurses and management yesterday at work. I just lost it. I was so tired of picking up the other nurses slack and management not doing a thing about it because we were short staffed. The administrator called this morning being hateful. Actually talking *** to me. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they try to set me up somehow to get my license taken away. Yes, people can set you up. All it takes is a few people in power and it is your word against theirs.
Now I am unemployed. I'm not going to act like I'm not stressed, because I have bills to pay and no pay check. I will find a job quickly. I don't care if it's a store clerk. Again, from my experience this field is full of vindictive broken people who will do anything to make other peoples lives miserable. For anyone reading this that has suffered like me, if nursing is ruining your life make adjustments and get out. I had to remind myself that I had a great life before nursing so why can't I have a great life again.
Specializes in RHIT with a crap load of medical experience..
You sound like you are working in a SNF. They are not all equal. Our administrator was fired, rightfully so. I took complaints to the top guy and his butt was gone after two years but he did leave his mark with the people that he hired. We have a new administrator and things will change. I won't be around for them because it takes time for change and I am leaving.
Now, onto you. Your description of the personalities at your job are everywhere in any job capacity to a more or lesser degree. How you handle them is up to you. Their trash behavior has nothing to do with you but it shows people who they are and believe me, when I say, others notice them.
Just because you are in a position, does not mean you exhibit the true culture of that position. What you described about taking care of others, is true, you get the good with the bad and the rude, ugly, racist POS sometimes. Then you have the ones that make you smile. Concentrate on that. Looking into other facilities. You are letting other people run you away from a profession that you enjoy. That is giving them control over you. No one has control over you, but you. Kick your habit, stand straight up and ignore the haters because they are here to stay. Your choice. You got through nursing school. Change your mindset and how you look at things and at people. Good luck.
Oh dear ,been there done that,left many positions even during orientation,you have to stand up for yourself,it is a job,not a place for making friends.After trial and error found my place and stayed.The mean girl groups exist everywhere,some places worse than others,there are other addicts you do not know about around you,you just get the brunt of their attitude.Good luck in your future jobs.
It takes a certain level of courage and bravery to speak about your struggles. I think I will speak for all of us when I say I'm sorry that you went through all of that. At the end of the day, you need to focus on you and your mental health and well-being. As for those of us who remain in the profession it is our responsibility and duty to bring about the changes so desperately needed that we would all like to see. Best of luck in your journey.
I have began my nursing career at 2017 . When the pandemic hit I began having panic attacks and started smoking again when one night we had 24 patients in the ICU and only 5 nurses including the charge nurse. That night I had to suture a triple lumen because my resident was out coding a ***ing kid, out in an ng tube, and almost had to intubate a patient thank god respiratory came in just in time. Nursing is and always will be hard. But you know what makes it better? The crew you work with. Life just gets so much better if you find the right crew. It pains me to hear this from you brother because I would have ended up like you if it wasn't for my fellow ICU nurses who have supported each other when no one else would. People joke around on my unit that we're gonna leave to other higher paying hospitals but deep down inside everyone knows that , that extra $25,000 that they will pay us more will do nothing for the stress that will be put on us.
Which brings me to you! You need to find a good team and stick with them, generally in the ICU the nurses are much closer bonded maybe you should try that. Also, I know you are here to help patients but how are you gonna help if you do t take care of yourself first. Understand this, you will always have a patient but there is only one of you. It is not your job to save everyone, it is your job to save those people who were assigned to you! I know that sounds grim and selfish but you are not a ***ing super nurse. Here is my advice if you see patients being neglected , kindly mention it to the nurse and if they snarked at you or say well why didn't you help them, explain to them you will not do their job for them! And if management gets involved you say I told the nurse and they ignored me. You have to speak up otherwise those nurses especially the female ones will eat you alive. I mostly like working with men female nurses most of them are just not nice and unbearable at times. Ladies don't get mad you know this to be true.
My advice keep looking for that special place, and make sure there is a nurses Union this will help with management!
PS I Loved working with Philippino, Korean, Russian nurses. Something about these cultures that just screams work ethic and integrity oh and no ***. They tell you how it is to your face!
I completely understand how you feel. After 25 years of being a nurse, and 34 years total in the medical field having worked my way up the chain to RN, I'm done as well. Burned out! I no longer have the passion for nursing that I once had.
The last 5 years have been especially difficult having experienced exactly what you've described; the laziness, backstabbing, and all around terrible work ethic along with a manager or two who are satisfied as long as there is a warm body to do the work.
It doesn't matter what is brought to their attention including a nurse falsifying her timecard by taking multiple 2 hour lunches and then lying to the manager about it; managers just simply do not want to deal with any of it. They would rather lose a good, hardworking nurse than to discipline, or even encourage and attempt to inspire, the lazy ones to do the job they are being paid to do.
Add the pandemic to all of that, and stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Now I'm taking a step back and will decide where I go from here. Thank my lucky stars that I have a wonderful supportive husband! He is literally the best human being I've ever known!
It's not you. It's not a specific nursing environment. It's the very fabric of nursing. It isn't a personal failure in any way on your behalf to not be able to work with the toxicity and mess that is nursing. A resounding majority get out, it's not some badge of honor to stay in it and be able to "deal with it". Your story is similar to many and I just want to repeat that it isn't in any way, shape, or form you. I wish you health, healing and happiness. I hope to be not far behind you. Thank you for bravely sharing your story and inspiring myself and others. Take care of you ?
Puppy Kisses
18 Posts
You sound like you are working in a SNF. They are not all equal. Our administrator was fired, rightfully so. I took complaints to the top guy and his butt was gone after two years but he did leave his mark with the people that he hired. We have a new administrator and things will change. I won't be around for them because it takes time for change and I am leaving.
Now, onto you. Your description of the personalities at your job are everywhere in any job capacity to a more or lesser degree. How you handle them is up to you. Their trash behavior has nothing to do with you but it shows people who they are and believe me, when I say, others notice them.
Just because you are in a position, does not mean you exhibit the true culture of that position. What you described about taking care of others, is true, you get the good with the bad and the rude, ugly, racist POS sometimes. Then you have the ones that make you smile. Concentrate on that. Looking into other facilities. You are letting other people run you away from a profession that you enjoy. That is giving them control over you. No one has control over you, but you. Kick your habit, stand straight up and ignore the haters because they are here to stay. Your choice. You got through nursing school. Change your mindset and how you look at things and at people. Good luck.