I've gotten to be really Crxxpy

Posted
by Agnus Agnus Member

Since getting my RN over 2 yrs ago I have become a royal you know what. I actually had a reputation for being laid back before that and as an LPN. You know ducks back and all that.

Now watch out. And you have seen it several times on this board.

I really don't like myself this way. I know too much to place blame outside of myself, such as blaming it on the stress of being an RN.

It is all under my control and I have let my life in general become a knee jerk reaction to my enviorment. I am working on this. I know it doesn't seem like it. Heck it doesn't seem like it to me and I know I am.

It is really tough. I guess I have gotten into this habit too deeply and it is tough to break.

I do a LOT of blaming these days, criticizing, whining, you name it. I know my attitude is mine and it is everything.

Please, don't come back with hugs and warm fuzzies. That is not what I need right now. I just needed to express this. I am not even sure why. Sometimes it just helps to get it out. Good old venting. Sheees! now I am venting about my venting.

Jay-Jay, RN

633 Posts

[Applauds Angus for his honesty]

I'd noticed, Angus, and was actually thinking, "I wonder if Angus is having trouble with his job?"

I know you don't want hugs and warm fuzzies, but I do sincerely hope things get better for you. And maybe a good, hard look at the real source of your troubles might be in order. Maybe most of it IS the job! If so, a change of jobs might work. Life is too short for it to be miserable!

If you've been there, done that, I apologize for suggesting it. I'm just speaking from my own experience. I haven't been too easy to get along with lately, and I know it's mainly due to being torn between wanting to look after my aging parents and having to look after my patients instead. If I could afford it, I'd quit my job, so I could spend more quality time with them.

CseMgr1

CseMgr1, ASN, RN

Specializes in Case Management, Home Health, UM. Has 39 years experience. 1,287 Posts

Originally posted by Agnus

I do a LOT of blaming these days, criticizing, whining, you name it. I know my attitude is mine and it is everything.

It's called BURNOUT. I was the same way, before I went out on a LOA almost a month ago...and was so ill, I couldn't stand myself!

:devil:

The antidote: Take a vacation, LOA...ANYTHING, to get away, and get things back into perspective. It's not easy, for personally I am broke, but at LEAST I have my sanity back....and you can't buy that, for a million bucks! :p

gwenith

gwenith, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU. 3,755 Posts

Agnus - don't blame yourself entirely sometimes attitudes are infectious and you might be picking up on something from your colleagues.

Some could be part of an "adjustment" process to your new position and responsibility in life. We can get ourselves into a cycle where in questioning why we are "tetchy" we make ourselves more so.

Treatment:

1) Recognise the problem - you've done that already

2) Don't be so hard on yourself

3) Take some "Me" time

4) Consciously look for fun things to help get your perspective back.

It will fall into place but don't force it.

No warm fuzzies - just some (I hope) practical advice.

debralynn

debralynn

140 Posts

I hate to hear you are unhappy at work. Is there anyway you can get away for a few days, just to do nothing if need be. Take a break! Pick up a new hobby or something to take your mind off work when not at work. What is it that really relaxes you? Do it! Good luck!

I'm sending you stress free thoughts!:)

SmilingBluEyes

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis. Has 25 years experience. 20,961 Posts

Seems as if you are in the wrong venue as Gwenith wisely said. IT SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THIS!!!! what do I recommend? Pretty much what Gwenith said ---

Take some time off

Take Personal Inventory

TAKE ACTION

Take care of YOURSELF FIRST

Burnout is VERY real and SO damaging to the psyche, body and soul. DO something about it. There IS fulfillment and joy to be found in RN work. I know, I have it most the time. Take care of yourself and good luck. And YES ----whether you want it or not, WARM FUZZIES your way. I sympathize and understand. Best wishes!

dosamigos76, RN

Specializes in Hospice. Has 7 years experience. 349 Posts

I am sorry you're going through this. Sounds like good advice and I sure hope it works for you. Nasty place to be in, much better place ahead.

Cheryl

mattsmom81

mattsmom81

4,516 Posts

I think a lot of nurses are where you are or close to it Agnus.

Hey, you're in good company. ;)

Seriously, I hear ya and take care. :)

live4today, RN

Specializes in Community Health Nurse. 5,099 Posts

Amen to what mattsmom81 said! I thought I was writing your post Agnus, except my "attitude of late" IS caused by the disorganization and chaotic unit I'm currently working on which is why I told my Nurse Manager yesterday that I am going to start looking for new employment. Gotta take care of ourselves nurses because who will if we don't? :kiss

Tweety, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac. Has 30 years experience. 32,312 Posts

I was like that when I switched units recently. Basically didn't like who I was.

A good inventory is in order as has been suggested. Often when I'm critical of others, I have those same qualities or know I'm capable of them.

Or maybe you just need a swift kick in the butt!

As has been said, you've honesty dude. That's the first step to feeling better about yourself.

CCL"Babe", BSN, RN

Specializes in pre hospital, ED, Cath Lab, Case Manager. Has 28 years experience. 234 Posts

Angus, I have to say that I have noticed that you are a bit crispy around the edges in some of your posts.

I think that we all get there at some point. But you have acknowledged this and can hopefully do something for yourself.

All the above suggestions are good. I had to change units. Being an adrenaline junkie made that hard to find a place where I still could be happy, but not have the other stuff that came with the ER. I wound up in the cath lab and love it.

Take the time to assess your needs and what is making you so angry. If you can't change it, then change you or take yourself out of the situation.

Take care of your self, that is your #1 priority.

Good Luck

HARN

HARN

34 Posts

Agnus,

It's grea that you can step back & see there is a problem. I work with a few that are feeling like you feel but have not come to realize it. I think our comrades above have some really good advice for you. It's time for some "ME" time. Take a vacation get some real time to see what it truly going to make you happy at work. I know that all problems can not be fixed but atleast the ones that are making such an impact on you can be. I wish you luck. :)

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