I've told some people at work that I'm currently going to school to become a nurse. They told me that I'll be a great nurse because I'm so nice and friendly, but they also told me that most nurses they knew (some of their friends are nurses) are tough people. They said that you have to be tough and be a strong individual, take no crap from anyone, and speaks your mind.
It kind of makes me nervouse about becoming a nurse because I'm not a tough person who speaks her mind. I feel bad saying things I want to say because I'm afraid of hurting other people. I'm the type of person who don't know what to said and step back in an arguement then one who talks back.
My cousin and half sister are nurses and they both are very confidence people who speaks their mind and will burn you down if you argue with them. As for me, I'm the opposite. I guess I'm a soft person.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
We are tougher for many reasons. We take crap from patients, familes, doctors, management, other nurses and administration. It can be an either sink or swim situation, and unfortunately, most nurses are not awarded for their ability to care. They usually want a warm body that will come in daily for their stats.
Even if you aren't tough now, you sort of get that way over time. I think it's actually better that you don't always speak your mind. I am a person who speaks her mind and it has been a great challenge for me to learn to keep my mouth shut. Believe me. I think it's a better skill to have.
Anyway, you'll learn how to speak up without saying the wrong thing or talking too much. You will learn about therapeutic communication, and of everything I've learned so far in nursing school, that has been the most useful.
"Aggressiveness" and "assertiveness" are also not the same thing. It takes a while to learn the difference, and progress is usually not a smooth, straight road but a tortuous pathway full of lumps and bumps!
Here are a few examples:
An aggressive nurse is blunt and pushy. An assertive nurse knows that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
An aggressive nurse intimidates people into 'respecting' her/him. An assertive nurse knows respect is a two-way street, and expects it in return for giving it.
An aggressive nurse is often cocky and abrasive. An assertive nurse has an air of confidence that lets both patients and superiors know that s/he is in command of the situation.
An aggressive nurse irritates physicians and others with whom s/he must work, often to the detriment of patients. An assertive nurse gets what s/he wants by being courteous but direct, and by having her/his ducks lined up BEFORE calling the doctor, thus avoiding the waste of both professionals' time.
An aggressive nurse is angry and frustrated, and at bottom wishes people would just go to hell. An assertive nurse makes sure they enjoy the trip.
This has to be the best advice for nurses I have seen in a long time. Thanks to Ms Viejas for making this a very profound and true statement!!!
Specializes in CNA, Surgical, Pediatrics, SDS, ER.
I know exactly how you feel because my personality is very similar to yours but you will adapt. I know when to speak up for my patients and when to ask for help. I work in the ED w/ some very vocal outgoing people and I wasn't sure if I would be able to be that way. I'm still very quiet and reserved but I am able to do what I need to do to protect and advocate for my patients and myself. I have learned that some docs are jerks and they use nurses for their punching bags but you have to let some of the stuff roll off your back. Take advice from the seasoned nurses and use it as constructive critisism to better yourself as a nurse. As it has been said before you have to carefully pick and choose your battles. I think that you will be fine and don't let anyone deter you from being a nurse if that's the path you choose.
To the OP - yes, you will have to 'toughen up' as a nurse - but don't take that to mean that you need to be a nasty loudmouth - which is what I think SOME people think is the same as being honest and truthful.
I am tough and direct, but I am also kind and caring to my patients. The challenge is to be able to find a way to tell someone the truth without hurting their feelings. And to decide if it's really important to tell them the 'brutal truth' or just let it go.
It's funny to think what I was first like as a brand new nurse. I have come a loooong way. You do need a thick skin, but that doesn't mean you have to be mean. Confidence was a big issue with me- and still is. I have come a long way and know that I still have room to improve. It will come though, so just give it time!
I like you was a "nice person", but you can find a balance between being nice and being hard. I did, but it took me a number of years. For about the first year and a half of nursing I wouldn't say boo to a sheep - but something finally "snapped" (?) and a tiger came out - that was my ptient's welfare. Where they were concerned, even after I moved to Infection Control, I was a tiger - but must admit on the inside I was still that scared little kteen who got her feelings hurt a lot! But you can find a mix between soft and strong, you just have to find it for yourself and none of our advice is going to help you get there. You have to do it on your own. But stick in nurisng - it's one of the most rewarding jobs there is.
you will develop through your career as you need to develop. don't worry about loosing the nice girl thing. yes, you will develop a though skin, but, that is the same with any job. after graduation most people don't realize what a job is truly like until they've been in it for a while. teachers, architechs, dr's , even mcdonalds managers toughen up after they actulally are signing their names on the dotted line as the one responsible. loosing a tough skin doesn't mean you'll loose your ability to take good care of pt's. most times you have to be tough on pt's to take good care of them. (difference between being tough and mean) if your sicking sweet all the time, you may not be giving the best care. also after a coulple times of being yelled at by a dr, you'll toughen up !
I think people treat you the way you treat them. Sometimes you run into the "eat their young" kind, but not really. Ask questions. Be assertive in your education. Some doctors are real jerks and can really spit out a mouthful in the middle of the night. A lot of nurses I know just lay the phone down and ask for orders once it gets quiet. Why listen to that? I dunno....You don't have to be horribly outspoken I don't think...
When I started nursing, I was very shy and quiet. My first year doing Med Surg, I kept wondering why I ever went into nursing. The doctors either yelled at me or ignored me. The other nurses took advantage of me. And the patients' families, don't even get me started. I would cry every night. Then one day, I had enough. I started saying hi to to doctors and saying no to unreasonable request by families and coworkers. But what really did it was when I became pregnant. I was miserable and didn't care what anyone thought anymore. I told everyone what I thought whether they wanted to know or not. Ever since then, life at work became much easier. Don't worry! You too will find your own way and your own niche. As your knowledge and confidence builds, you'll fit right in. Just give it time and remember that you are the voice of the patient. Good luck!
My cousin and half sister are nurses and they both are very confidence people who speaks their mind and will burn you down if you argue with them. As for me, I'm the opposite. I guess I'm a soft person.
Do you guys agree with them?
Yeah, I do. A nurse does need to grow a thick skin and be able to stand up for herself and her patients and speak her mind.
When I started nursing I was just like you, shy and quiet and thin skinned. I've gotten tougher now. I've had to. Coworkers are a pain, management is ridiculously unfair and patients are demanding PITA's. Especially since I started being a float.
I have worked in aged care as a carer for almost 8 years, but I'm now studying for a nursing degree (doing 2nd year). When I first started working in aged care, I felt almost the same way you do. I am quite a "soft" person in many ways - don't often stand up for myself, even if I should. But in terms of my residents - that's a different matter. If I believe that the wrong thing has been done by someone in my care - be it something just careless, or something downright dangerous - I will speak up. They are paying for a service, and as far as I'm concerned, they deserve the best service possible. That is often not easy to provide in this day and age at times, of course.
The most important thing is that you know that you have done the right thing. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I used to work with a carer who used to criticise and ostracise a number of the people she worked with (including me), while all the time physically and psychologically abusing residents. Unfortunately she had the manager wrapped around her little finger, so even when her abuse was reported by other workers, nothing was done. But I had no hesitation about reporting this carer - and she was eventually found to be working without any qualifications anyway and taken to court. She is now banned from working in aged care ever again.
I think there is often a "power struggle" between long established nurses, and new nurses. Personally, I don't understand this, because I am the sort of person who will always help someone who needs it. I don't believe anyone should be afraid to ask for help if they need it - isn't that preferable to seriously injuring or killing a patient? You should never be afraid to speak up for the patient. If anyone wants to argue with you, give them the reason why you think what you think. It won't be on your head if something goes wrong. Oh, and another thing - write EVERYTHING DOWN. There's your proof.
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pagandeva2000, LPN
7,984 Posts
We are tougher for many reasons. We take crap from patients, familes, doctors, management, other nurses and administration. It can be an either sink or swim situation, and unfortunately, most nurses are not awarded for their ability to care. They usually want a warm body that will come in daily for their stats.