Is 6 times a day too many to visit a favorite patient who isn’t on your caseload?

Sour Lemon · Jun 14, 2020

This is probably one of the most bizarre threads I've come across. It actually sounds like a work of fiction, and I would have written it off as such if you had not been an established personality on this site.

It's good that you're gaining so much insight, and I agree that you might benefit from some sort of professional assistance to help you continue on in the right direction.

Best wishes.

Soytofu, BSN, RN · Jun 14, 2020

On 6/11/2020 at 9:06 PM, SilverBells said:
About 4 years ago, I started as a part time nurse in a LTC/Rehab facility. Since then, I’ve moved on to full time nurse, interim nurse manager and now, full time manager. Over the past 4 years, I’ve had the pleasure of working with one lady that I’ve always had a connection with. I used to spend 2 hours getting her to bed, including giving her a nightly foot soak. On Sundays, we used to pray together with Eucharistic Minister that would visit our facility.
Because of the COVID pandemic, they have rearranged patients. Thus, she is no longer assigned to my case load as she is now on another unit. The other staff members and manager do not give her the same amount of attention. She will only eat and drink for me, and is now on hospice. She has no family in her life. Now that she’s dying, I want to spend as much time with her as possible regardless of whose patient she is. I try and always plan my day to start and end with a visit to her, along with four other visits. Because of my dedication to her care, I find myself getting irritated when patients on my unit take up time I’d rather be with her. These patients have family, are not dying and are overall annoying. I even got involved with repositioning the resident and taking her vital signs when a care conference for a different patient was occurring. However, if I do not make regular visits to this lady, she won’t get the attention she needs.
I am just wondering if 6 visits a day is too many? Also, anyone else experience increased dedication when they find out a favorite one is dying?

I think that doing some introspection will help with your situation, since you seem to be especially attached to this patient

MInurse2b · Jun 14, 2020

On 6/13/2020 at 11:35 PM, Kooky Korky said:
... If these things are not so, I need to retire totally and get out of this insane profession once and for all.

Well it’s not the profession that’s “insane,” you mean it’s some of the people working in it. It’s not for everyone especially those who can’t honor and uphold nursing ethics and codes of conduct.

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · Jun 14, 2020

On 6/13/2020 at 10:11 AM, SilverBells said:
Not to mention the fact that other residents are capable of showing appreciation as well, not just this one.

Completely irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if they show appreciation or not.... the answer is the same.

Emergent, RN · Jun 14, 2020

3 hours ago, MInurse2b said:
Well it’s not the profession that’s “insane,” you mean it’s some of the people working in it. It’s not for everyone especially those who can’t honor and uphold nursing ethics and codes of conduct.

I don't think the OP is insane. She recognized that she was getting drawn in too much emotionally, came here for advice, and willingly received it.

I think hurling around derogatives like that detracts from discussions here.

MInurse2b · Jun 14, 2020

18 hours ago, Emergent said:
I don't think the OP is insane. She recognized that she was getting drawn in too much emotionally, came here for advice, and willingly received it.
I think hurling around derogatives like that detracts from discussions here.

And when did I call her insane? Read and get your facts straight. I clearly responded to what someone said about this being an “insane profession.” If your concerned about being able to have a discussion without the use of “derogatives” then start addressing the people who make the derogatory comments. Then they won’t warrant responses like mine.

If me saying this person needs a psych eval was derogatory, well that was my personal opinion because it seems professional help might me needed to determine the cause of this persons fixation and obsession on this one patient which she admits has become quite unhealthy and possibly crossed boundaries. Maybe this patient even reminds her of someone close or there’s other underlying reasons. There’s no nicer way to put it.

Daisy Joyce · Jun 14, 2020

Because you mentioned “praying with the EM”, I’m going to answer you based on that frame.

OTOH, it’s nice that you formed a bond with an lonely older lady. You probably brought a lot of joy to her life.

OTOH, it’s possible you became overly attached. For you to spend two hours a night doing her PM care makes me wonder the care you gave to the other patients on your assignment.

Now that you’re on a new assignment, *those* residents have the first priority of your time. If you want to see your friend, that’s okay, but it has to be on your free time.

You seem to be aware that you’re too attached—that sense of irritation when you’re not able to see your friend. Catholic spiritual writer Fr John Hardon wrote about disordered attachment— that a person can do the right thing for the wrong reason , or to take time away from the necessary to attend to the preferred. (Look up “Catholic Catechism” by Fr Hardon).

So yes, while you have a lot of compassion for this lady, which is good, it needs to be balanced with your other responsibilities.

sevensonnets · Jun 15, 2020

I think you're overwhelming this poor soul. She does not know how to tell you that. She needs her personal space and time to work through memories and past relationships with parents, spouse, children. You may be obsessed with her but I assure you she is not with you. She is not responsible for meeting your emotional needs nor should you put that burden on her.

Queen Tiye, RN · Jun 15, 2020

It is rough when we are losing a patient that we care for, but in this case perhaps take a step back and ask yourself how much attention from you is reasonable - considering she is no longer your patient. Is some of your interaction with her to meet your own needs?

Queen Tiye, RN · Jun 15, 2020

13 hours ago, MInurse2b said:
If me saying this person needs a psych eval was derogatory, well that was my personal opinion because it seems professional help might me needed to determine the cause of this persons fixation and obsession on this one patient which she admits has become quite unhealthy and possibly crossed boundaries.

There are more caring ways to say this.

Emergent, RN · Jun 15, 2020

Telling other posters here "you need a psych eval", is highly insulting. That's a lot different than suggesting maybe talking to a counselor.

A psych eval is associated with someone in a major crisis. We call MHP into the emergency room to do them on patients.

Also, using words such as "insane" when someone might have inadvertently crossed a professional boundary, is probably against the TOS here.

Calling someone insane is in the same category as calling someone retarded. It's not used medically anymore because it has entered the language as an insult.

JadedCPN, BSN, RN · Jun 15, 2020

On 6/12/2020 at 9:46 PM, SilverBells said:
Unfortunately, I'm wondering if based on some responses, it might be best for zero visits a day, maybe once or twice a week at the most. If I'm having to compete with other staff members (at least, that's how it feels), clearly she is being cared for. I've worked with her for 4 years, so I'm disappointed I don't get to work with her as she is declining as we got along very well when she was relatively healthy. But maybe the other manager is better to manage her care since she doesn't have an emotional attachment to this patient

The fact that you view it as competing is just beyond any words I can come up with. I agree with many others that this has not only crossed professional, ethical, and moral boundaries but it has turned pathological. Please seek help.