My supervisor has lately been ignoring my schedule requests and giving me strange schedules and I think she is trying to "weed me out." I don't know--maybe I'm just being overly-sensitive and paranoid.
Two weeks ago, I brought a "bullying" problem up to my supervisor. Another nurse, "AN," has been nasty to me for the last 8 months. When I came back to work after having had surgery in March, she was angry that I was working OB Triage "all the time" and loudly (before report, in front of other nurses) complained about that. I ended up working with HER in Triage that day. She was COLD AS ICE to me. Initially (becaue I didn't hear her complain that morning in the report room) I thought that maybe she was just having a bad day and didn't worry about it. Her complaint got back to me the next day.
I felt very hurt by her complaint because I thought we were friends, or were at least friendLY. I was able to talk to the nurse she complained to, who denied being the "one who was worried about it." I didn't get to talk to AN because she wasn't there that day. I was so stunned that she had complained that I...talked to a couple of other nurses about it. That was immature and wrong of me. At the time I didn't know what else to do to process me feelings.
I'm sure things got back to AN because her coldness towards me almost started a new Ice Age. I sent her an e-mail, apologizing for having talked to other nurses. She remained cold towards me and did not even address the fact that she received th e-mail for SEVEN WEEKS. When she finally did talk to me, she had her eyes half-closed and talked to me like I was an idiot and said that she "didn't have the time for all this high-school drama." She said she "had a job to do." I replied that "Neither do I, and so do I." I brought the situation to my supervisor's attention and simply requested that I not be assigned to work side-by-side with this nurse in the OR or Triage. She had no problem with that.
Throughout all of this, I contimued to do my job and take her of her patients PRN as well as mine and others'. ( I work L&D, so I just answer call lights no matter whose patient uses them). I acted professionally. Honestly, I did. Perhaps because of this, AN and I were able to find a happy medium and work together. I then checked back in with my supervisor and told her that things were resolved between AN and I and we were working together well.
About a month ago, AN started be cold and rude to me again. She was relief charge one day (a day that I was only there for 4 hours) and micro-managed me from the minute I got there until I left. Those 4 hours felt like a full 12.
At that point, I had it. I talked to my supervisor again and told her that AN was displaying bullying behavior toward me and I was not going to tolerate it. I was becoming stressed about going to work and being at work whenever she was there. At that time, my supervisor seemed understanding and concerned and wanted to solve the problem. I said that I did not want an intervention at the time but if another event occurred, I wanted something done.
The next thing I know, my schedule goes haywire. Suddenly I'm getting one-on, one-off, one-on, one-off work weeks, my requested days off are not being granted (which I need to take my special-needs daughter to appointments), and I am working a LOT more weekends when other people are working one or two weekend days in the monthlong schedule. I also happened to notice the rough draft of the schedule sitting out one day--almost everyone else's requests were filled in while mine line of the schedule was left blank, as if I was going to fill in all the empty spots. Additionally, I was scheduled to work the day before, of and after Thanksgiving when I worked Thanksgiving the year before. (On my unit, they say that if you worked a particular holiday the year before, you will get it off the subsequent year).
Additional information: I am the ONLY person AN doesn't like at work. Fact. Everyone else thinks she is HILARIOUS, even though she loudly and regularly swears at the front desk. (I have brought this up as well--it is BEYOND unprofessional). I mean, AN is funny, I'll give her that. She'd be a great stand-up comedian, but the bar language belongs in a bar, not in a hospital. AN also thinks quite a bit of her nursing skills. She carries on like she is about as smart as they get and I am not the only one who has noticed that. So, there a clique that I am not in and have no interest in.
I am going to confront my supervisor about all of this tomorrow but I need advice on what to say to her. I feel like she is bullying me as well with the schedule. Maybe she isn't. I don't know. I love my job with a passion, but I feel like I am being weeded out. Am I, or am I just paranoid? Thanks for your opinions.
1919--again, as I said in several of my replies in this post, I DID talk to the nurse in question and I DIDN'T ask to be scheduled different days than the ones she works. Sheesh!!! When we work, we put 2 nurses in OR/PACU and 2 nurses in Triage. I just didn't want to be coupled in those places with her when we do work together. Does it make sense now??? I am fully capable of being professional--I grew up when I was in the military and nothing will prod you to maturity faster than being in the military.
And HOW did I create this problem? SHE CREATED THIS WHOLE THING. I am the GROWN-UP EMPLOYEE WHO IS TRYING TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM. Also, 1919, my supervisor OBVIOUSLY isn't concernd about scheduling us together, because she scheduled me to work three days in a row with her over the Thanksgiving holidays.
DIVA RN--THANK YOU x a million. Thank God that SOMEONE gets what I am trying to say here!!!
Also--according to our unit's "rules," I was supposed to be off this Thanksgiving because I worked Thanksgiving last year. So I wasn't "due" to work Thanksgiving this year. I was "due" to be OFF.
I've worked in envrionments where I've had hostile coworkers too, not as a nurse (yet.... hoping that it doesn't happen), but they were wretched experiences. Sadly, the worst ones were by jealous/territorial women. The men seemed to just jump on board with the loudest, "alpha" female (which is not me, I am a nonconfrontational person). I can tell you some pearls of wisdom I learned first off, and what others shared with me (the people I loved who I vented to).
Frankly, the only thing that I felt worked in every situation was leaving the place of employment, or lucking out when the problem employee left. This is referring to the experiences I had where an incompetent manager was in place. I have had an experience (yes, sadly, 1) where I had a good manager who took care of the situation. Rarely ever are people given manager training (and let's be honest - does training even help?), and it seems like most people aren't cut out to be managers. The other aspect that helped is that I am an extremely hard worker. On bad days, just remind yourself to do the absolute best you can do, and if they don't see what a fantastic employee you are (and usually they do notice, esp over time), then that is their loss. I have worked several jobs, and the ones that had the great people to work with were my favorite jobs... not necessarily because of the work I was doing, but because of the fantastic people who were there. The people make all the difference (and I have worked with some AMAZING people!!). If I were you, I would stick with it if you can, try to make the situation better if you can, and quietly make other arrangements on your own to find another job during this process. There's no harm in looking, right? When you find one, especially a "dream job," leave. I found when I was in rough situations with coworkers, having a backup plan and looking for new, exciting opportunities made me less stressed at work, and better able to keep my chin up. Having the chance to find a better work envrionment also helped me to keep my emotions outside of work. I don't know about you, but I was feeling trapped and cornered for a while, and it really hurt my feelings that people who smiled to my face were deceiving me and stabbing me in the back. Taking control of the situation by planning my "escape" really helped me out and took the emotions out of things so to speak. If things get better, great you can stay if you want to, and if they don't, you have a new future to look forward to.
And oh yeah, if you do look for a new job, I would totally evaluate the place with your critical eye, and watch out for red flags, like someone who exhibits AN's swearing. You don't want to end up in the same boat with someone who has a poor work attitude. I will drop curse words, but not at a client directed place of employment. That's just so unprofessional. In my experience, those kinds of people are usually unhappy and really don't give a hoot about following rules, and so make pretty bad coworkers. At another job I worked at, there was a similar employee with a bad mouth. Although he was mostly friendly to other coworkers, he was not to clients, and he finally got fired for coming to work stoned. Great work ethic!
And I have never found a good way to vent at work about people at work. A good buddy, family member, or significant other is a great person to vent to - someone who isn't tied to work, so your venting won't make it back to the people you work with. Even if you're right, venting will still tick off a guilty party and make the conflict worse. Someone who you trust may also give you more insight on how to handle people at work, but bottom line, you should probably trust your instincts because you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and can think things through AND you are the one in the situation, so you have the best picture of what's going on.
Thank you, Evalynn. Great advice. You are so spot-on with a lot of the things you said. Unfortunately, word has already gotten out that I have been looking for a new job...some people know. It stinks that I feel like I have to look for other employment because I really love where I work for so many reasons. It's a great place to be. I am so sad about this whole situation. I hate dreading going to work at this point. My general goal in any workplace that I am in is to promote workplace harmony by helping others and working as a team. Seriously. Through ALL of this I have looked after AN's patients, even when she doesn't ask me to do so. It stinks. I hate all of this and want it to just go away.
Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.
I think the note about the beans was funny! Thanks for breaking a little of the tension, AJPV! Gosh, everybody just chill for a few.
JOPACU, Sometimes I'd rather work with 200 men than 2 women...I said SOMETIMES. There are exceptions to everything.
I don't think any of us have a full picture of the OPs situation to come to any conclusion. I think the poop is about to hit an oscillating fan. Think I'll tippy toe away now.....
1919--again, as I said in several of my replies in this post, I DID talk to the nurse in question and I DIDN'T ask to be scheduled different days than the ones she works. Sheesh!!! When we work, we put 2 nurses in OR/PACU and 2 nurses in Triage. I just didn't want to be coupled in those places with her when we do work together. Does it make sense now??? I am fully capable of being professional--I grew up when I was in the military and nothing will prod you to maturity faster than being in the military.
And HOW did I create this problem? SHE CREATED THIS WHOLE THING. I am the GROWN-UP EMPLOYEE WHO IS TRYING TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM. Also, 1919, my supervisor OBVIOUSLY isn't concernd about scheduling us together, because she scheduled me to work three days in a row with her over the Thanksgiving holidays.
DIVA RN--THANK YOU x a million. Thank God that SOMEONE gets what I am trying to say here!!!
Ah, ok. I get it. What I was saying applies to if you were trying to not work the same days as her at all. Sorry about that. I am sure you are frustrated, I've read quite a few snippy comments. Are you sure that your supervisor knows you're OK with working the same days as her, you'd just prefer not to be in traige or OR/PACU if she is there? Maybe she is thinking you don't want to work the same days as her at all like I thought?
1919, I don't think she thinks that because every week we work at least two days together. I will ask her when I talk to her tomorrow, though.
Yes, I am frustrated. I feel cornered, trapped, etc. I didn't mean to be snippy...some people attacked me in their responses and I'm not very good at backing down.
Thank you, Evalynn. Great advice. You are so spot-on with a lot of the things you said. Unfortunately, word has already gotten out that I have been looking for a new job...some people know. It stinks that I feel like I have to look for other employment because I really love where I work for so many reasons. It's a great place to be. I am so sad about this whole situation. I hate dreading going to work at this point. My general goal in any workplace that I am in is to promote workplace harmony by helping others and working as a team. Seriously. Through ALL of this I have looked after AN's patients, even when she doesn't ask me to do so. It stinks. I hate all of this and want it to just go away.
I know how you feel! I hate that feeling of dreading to go into work. Keep yourself as busy as you can, and keep looking for that new job, but try not to let people know exactly where you're looking so that they don't get involved. And live for your time off. It also helped me to get a hobby outside of work... like some type of lesson or class (if you're interested in yoga, that might be a good pick because it is super relaxing). That's probably hard for you as a mom, but if you can do it, that's another thing that helped me. And I know you said you really like your job... I feel for you there too. I loved my place of employment that I left, but I ended up on a path that is leading me to bigger and better things. Just remember that there isn't only one great place to work - there are other great places out there, you just have to find them. Utlimately, for me, even though I loved my job, I realized that feeling of dread was so unhealthy. You're a nurse, so I'm sure you know that being under constant stress like that is really bad for you. Get those cortisol levels back down and find some happiness.
Evalynn is right about being HAPPY!!! I don't know if you are a spiritual person but prayer works ALL THE TIME! and this could be a blessing in disguise....Please take care of your psychological self as well as physical...That is FIRST AND FORE MOST!!!.....GOOD POINT EVALYNN!!!:yeah:
ABQLNDRN, I hope your day at work tomorrow goes really good for you, I will send a prayer up for you that all goes well and keep us posted!***DON'T let ANYONE STEAL YOUR HAPPY!!!*****:lol2:
Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
Ruby--excuse me? I don't run to "mommy." I did try to resolve this problem on my own. I tried twice to communicate to AN, who invented this whole "problem" in the first place. People like you are the exact reason that workplace bullying is rampant. BTW, I have only complained to management twice AFTER trying to resolve the problem myself. What a stupid phrase--"You run to mommy." You don't know the first thing about me, lady. Conflict is a part of life and work is a part of life. Managers are supposed to manage. You're saying that I should just deal with this as if I should just take my lickings and keep on ticking? Lousy answer. I will NOT BE BULLIED and TREATED WITH DISRESPECT and SHAME ON YOU FOR INFERRING THAT I SHOULD. Additionally--I'm not asking her not to schedule me with her, as in asking her not to schedule me on the same days, I just don't want to work with her when the daily assignments are made. VERY easy to work around that. Also, I don't need you to tell me that not everyone will like me like I am stupid and don't already know that. I don't give a rat's behind if people don't like me but I do expect them to be professional and not be bullies. Judging by your response alone, I can see that you are a very negative and condescending person and give creedence my points about nasty people in the workplace. ALSO--EVERYONE else at work likes me but her. The reason she doesn't like me? Because I worked Triage and she wanted to work with her buddy instead of me that day? STUPID. Not even a good reason. I tried apologizing to her and she threw me the cold shoulder for 7 weeks? Then she rolled her eyes when we finally talked? I didn't approach my manager until I tried to resolve it on my own and couldn't.
JoPACURN--I don't like cattiness, either. That's why I am asking for people's opinions. I want it to stop. I want professionalism in my workplace. Like I said, I don't care that she doesn't like me. I just want her to be professional when I am around her, just as I am to her. "That's why I don't like working with women." What a sexist statement. How counterproductive.
Actually, not meant to be catty. You're stuck in a bad position and I hijacked your post. For that misdemeanor, my apologies. I shouldn't have done that.
Here's the advice you won't want to hear. AN is a person who obviously doesn't communicate. Or she is deciding she doesn't want to communicate. You either take or not. YOU decide. You don't like her? Like her? Does that run your life at work? Decide how important she is in the grand scheme of things. THAT's Number one. As for professionalism, you obviously do not work with professionals or you wouldn't have these "personality" and "ego" issues. Much to your disdain and mine, you are obviously in the midst of a female/Queen Bee dominated department. YOU are the one who is going to be expected to cowtow. The question is, will you want to?
If it were me, I would have a one to one with my co-worker...the "let's take this outside" attitude. Does she clearly dislike you? Well, that can't be helped. YOU have to deal with that and accept it or not. If that doesn't change things, too bad. You decide to stay or go, obviously that's not going to change her.
As for your supervisor, do you really expect to always have your day off that you want? That doesn't always happen where I work, and I wouldn't presume the manipulation of the schedule is happening. And if you think it is, WHY NOT JUST ASK? Obviously, you've gone to them and asked to avoid AN. Do you know how annoying it is for a subordinate to ask to not work with someone? It's a lot of work on their part--and that's the darn truth.
And as for everyone else, you can't take what they say without getting offended. Obviously, you have some things to work on too. You want professionalism? Don't expect to be liked. It's not a priority. Who cares? Just punch in, punch out.
Please remember that in this situation it's just like everything else with nursing. If you don't document it, it didn't happen. Keep a book and write down what happened, the time, the place, who was there, etc. You need proof in case you ever have to take this farther. Plus, it seems that your schedule may be haywire b/c your manager is trying to not schedule you with AN. If this AN is bullying you, you should do incident reports and go to HR if your manager is doing nothing. Bullying in the workplace is unacceptable. However, I'm not sure if it's considered bullying b/c someone won't speak with you vs. threatening you...look up your facilities policy on harassment in the workplace. Plus, remember that this AN doesn't pay your bills or put clothes on your back or food in your mouth. Is the world going to crumble b/c she doesn't like you. Don't worry about her opinion. Be professional and polite...you don't have to be friends with everyone at the workplace. You can't make everyone happy. Do your job to the best of your abilities. Just like AN said...you don't have time for that high school drama. You apologized b/c that's what grown ups do when they make mistakes...end of story.
I'm only an LPN, not an RN with the supervisory experience most of you have.....
but I worked under a supervisor from whom I received some of the same treatment that OP received when she tried to talk to her about her problem.
And my opinion is that she's receiving this treatment because the supervisor doesn't want to deal with AN's behaviour.
The supervisor could feel that the OP will accept the wierd schedule and whatever else she deals out to her better than AN would receive discipline for her bullying behaviour.
I know that's what happened in my situation. I was blindsided with accusations of which none were true....but because of particular characteristics that I won't get into here....my supervisor put the blame on me.....and to quote someone here....her statement to me was ..."It's not their problem. It's YOUR problem." And I was not even given an opportunity to defend myself or ask what evidence they had, witnesses, or whatever to justify the complaints.
If I had it to do over you bet your bottom dollar a grievance would have been filed and it would have turned out differently.
To OP.....stand up for yourself and don't transfer out of a job you love.
Document, make a list of witnesses, if possible have any interaction with AN in front of a 3rd person. Otherwise I would keep my mouth shut around her unless it was something concerning patient care.
If it were me, I would even work with AN....I wouldn't request special scheduling.
Do your job, be professional, and I guarantee you that AN will eventually cut her own throat with her behaviour.
That's exactly what happened in my situation. The other person eventually got fired for their bullying behaviour.
And even tho the other nurses like her.....she would do the same thing to them if they got assignements that she wanted. And remember this....What goes around comes around. To people like AN, too.
My general goal in any workplace that I am in is to promote workplace harmony by helping others and working as a team. Seriously. Through ALL of this I have looked after AN's patients, even when she doesn't ask me to do so. It stinks. I hate all of this and want it to just go away.
:yeah:
LNDRN19
153 Posts
1919--again, as I said in several of my replies in this post, I DID talk to the nurse in question and I DIDN'T ask to be scheduled different days than the ones she works. Sheesh!!! When we work, we put 2 nurses in OR/PACU and 2 nurses in Triage. I just didn't want to be coupled in those places with her when we do work together. Does it make sense now??? I am fully capable of being professional--I grew up when I was in the military and nothing will prod you to maturity faster than being in the military.
And HOW did I create this problem? SHE CREATED THIS WHOLE THING. I am the GROWN-UP EMPLOYEE WHO IS TRYING TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM. Also, 1919, my supervisor OBVIOUSLY isn't concernd about scheduling us together, because she scheduled me to work three days in a row with her over the Thanksgiving holidays.
DIVA RN--THANK YOU x a million. Thank God that SOMEONE gets what I am trying to say here!!!