Is it just me, or is this rude, sexist, and condescending?

Nurses Relations

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I am a male nurse on an inpatient unit in a hospital who began a couple months ago. Recently I used the bathroom in the staff lounge, and after I left to sit down at the nurses station, an older female nurse came up to me grinning and whispering,

"Hi, I followed you after you used the bathroom, and used it next. I want you to know, the ladies here will be annoyed with you if you leave the toilet seat up after you use the toilet. We had a previous male nurse who the ladies became angry at because he didn't put the seat back down. I would put the seat back down if I were you."

I interpreted this to mean that really, she, rather than anyone else, wanted me to put the seat back down.

Is it really this person's job to be a toilet police? At least I actually put the damn seat up I can't count how many times I've found urine sprayed all over a toilet seat in the down position after a woman used it because she "hovered." I have to say, I found the comment sexist and condescending and am thinking of reporting it. What do you think?

Specializes in Cardiac ICU, ER, PICU, Corrections.

I would advise putting the seat down. Avoid unnecessary conflict.

I will NEVER understand women who get angry that men leave the seat up. Men have to lift it every time to use it and they (usually) don't complain. I just put the seat down, do my business, and get on with my day. Putting it down literally takes less than 1 second. There are more important things to worry about than the position of the toilet seat.

I don't think I'd go as far to report her, but just keep doing your thing and if she brings it up again tell her that you didn't realize she was the potty police.

Specializes in Reproductive & Public Health.
I will NEVER understand women who get angry that men leave the seat up. Men have to lift it every time to use it and they (usually) don't complain. I just put the seat down, do my business, and get on with my day. Putting it down literally takes less than 1 second. There are more important things to worry about than the position of the toilet seat.

I don't think I'd go as far to report her, but just keep doing your thing and if she brings it up again tell her that you didn't realize she was the potty police.

Except that, when you have 30 seconds to pee, you don't always even think to check to position of the toilet seat. Not fun, feeling your butt cheeks land on the gross toilet bowl :(

Statistically, in a gender-equal environment, the seat needs to be down more than it needs to be up, even assuming that men and women use the bathroom an equal number of times (which doesn't seem to be true in my experience- women seem to need to pee a lot more often than most men. Or maybe that's just me and my wacko family lol). Certainly not a hill I would die on or even attempt to climb, most likely. But yeah, the default should be down.

I think women are terrible slobs in the bathroom. TERRIBLE.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been completely grossed out by the blood, urine, feces, and Lord knows whatelse I find on the floor and toilet when I go into these unisex bathrooms that are used primarily by women. Holy Mother of Jesus girls...

UGH I know exactly what you're talking about. In middle school the principal had to come in and speak to all the 6-8th grade girls and ask them to clean up after themselves if they got menstrual blood on the toilet seat. Apparently one of the elementary school girls saw the blood and thought someone was hurt and went and told the principal about it.

I have also seen used bloody tampons just sitting in the garbage in my high school bathrooms. Not the applicator, the part that actually goes inside your body. Completely saturated in blood, just sitting right on top of those tiny little garbage bins they put in stalls. I know you aren't TECHNICALLY supposed to flush those (I always do :saint: ) but at least just wrap it in some TP so someone doesn't have to look at it or accidentally touch it..

As for me, I always thoroughly inspect the toilet seat and surrounding area before and after I do my business. I don't like wiping up other people's pee before I use the restroom, so I make sure no one has to wipe up mine.

Except that, when you have 30 seconds to pee, you don't always even think to check to position of the toilet seat. Not fun, feeling your butt cheeks land on the gross toilet bowl :(

Eh, 30 seconds plus one to put the seat down isn't a big deal for me. If I'm using a public toilet and the seat is up, I always just knock it down with my foot (there's no way I'm touching that dirty toilet seat). I let gravity do its job and it takes a minuscule amount of time.

Maybe it's just a habit for me, but I always look before I leap (or sit..) even at home and it's just me and my mom living here. No men.

OP, if I worked with you and caught wind of this, I'd leave the seat up after I used the bathroom in hopes that the same woman that used the restroom after you would also use it after me. Just to make her wonder.

Specializes in Medical Surgical & Nursing Manaagement.

Common courtesy....if you picked it up, you should put it down! Think of it this way....if you open a drawer, do you not close it?

Perhaps your co-workers view it as being inconsiderate to them.

For goodness sake don't be so sensitive.

Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

Cayenne06: I loved ur response!! I'm going to err on the side of the OP, assuming he's never considered the ramifications of a woman not noticing the seat was left up and sitting down, inadvertently on the bowl rim.

I will Be fair to the op and assume he was not aware of the potential implications (ie your behind landing in toilet water)

I'll also add that at work, I think I always checked the seat first for urine, which prevented this from being an issue for me at work.

I dated someone many years ago whose mama taught him to always wipe the bowl after he urinated and to always put the seat down! He was awesome!!

You have time to pee? Lucky so and so's

We always have an environmental services person in my area that keep the toilets clean, which is usually indicated by the seat being up. I'm anal so I clean it and put a cover on it anyways, so I never really think twice about it. I don't sweat small stuff. It takes away from my happy place...

Specializes in Reproductive & Public Health.
Not rude, sexist, or condescending. If this exchange had been over some other unit practice that didn't involve your bathroom habits, would you have been so butt hurt?

I am active on another message board where this term is common- have never heard it used elsewhere except from myself! Butthurt is my favorite saying ever

Really glad I haven't had to deal with anything this "feelings" intensive in the civilian workforce yet. The idea that somebody would correct me for toilet seat position (much less hunt me down to do so) or be so perturbed by somebody doing so that I felt the need to seek counsel on the internet is just mind blowing.

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