Is it just me, or is this rude, sexist, and condescending?

[RNdynamic]

I am a male nurse on an inpatient unit in a hospital who began a couple months ago. Recently I used the bathroom in the staff lounge, and after I left to sit down at the nurses station, an older female nurse came up to me grinning and whispering,

"Hi, I followed you after you used the bathroom, and used it next. I want you to know, the ladies here will be annoyed with you if you leave the toilet seat up after you use the toilet. We had a previous male nurse who the ladies became angry at because he didn't put the seat back down. I would put the seat back down if I were you."

I interpreted this to mean that really, she, rather than anyone else, wanted me to put the seat back down.

Is it really this person's job to be a toilet police? At least I actually put the damn seat up I can't count how many times I've found urine sprayed all over a toilet seat in the down position after a woman used it because she "hovered." I have to say, I found the comment sexist and condescending and am thinking of reporting it. What do you think?

[CrunchBerries]

I would never suggest a topic is stupid, that could be considered rude, condescending, or sexist. Suggesting the horse is dead, gone, and buried would be fruitless.

But how the heck do you turn off email notifications?

[Alnitak7]

The important things in this thread were the safety issue and the embarrassment issue.

In my work place they talked about the toilet seat in a staff meeting and did not mention names.

As for the nurse whispering in your ear, well I think most people assume that men are not modest and not easily embarrassed. In this case, you felt violated and I don't think that was what she intended.

When she used the word "follow..." well that was probably the wrong word to use and conveyed the wrong message. I don't think she was really "following" you.

I don't think you should report it because it might take away your credibility. Even if you do, a good DoN might get you both together in the office to help improve your communication.

I don't think she meant to be rude.

Safety is important here and it might need another thread.

One poster mentioned that someone had to be carried out by rescue when they did not see that the seat was down. For that one case, mentioned on public media, there are probably hundreds of others that the public has never heard about. I don't think someone really has to be helpless to hurt themselves when they do not notice that the lid was left up.

[annie.rn]

"We had a previous male nurse who the ladies became angry at because he didn't put the seat back down. I would put the seat back down if I were you."

I would imagine that if the nurses are becoming "angry" over such minutiae, the OP probably has bigger problems to be looking out for in that work environment.

Whether the toilet seat is left up or down is such a ridiculously small thing to sweat. All of the people in the OP's workplace who have a vested interest in the topic should be forced to do some type of volunteer work in a place where there is no containment or treatment of human waste at all. Then toilet seat position would matter to them very little. One would hope, anyway.

I know I'm being pious but the ridiculousness of the OP's complaint irks me.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

That's great. However, let's for example say that I were to correct some woman on the unit about her toilet etiquette, how much do you want to bet that she would be successful in reporting me for some form of "sexual harassment?"

Ah, but you did say in a pp that you notice that women spray urine due to "hovering".

Any shared public bathroom is nasty as a general rule. Thankfully, most of us don't have time to use it with any regularity.

Now how many times have scrub bottoms gotten wet due to some strange aim issue.....

[thmpr]

Why? If you don't want to put the seat down or open a door for me, I'll just assume you're not that kind of man; & be happy you at least put it up to begin with. But if you can't aim, you might want to do something about that. It might be dangerous to piss off a bunch of women with saline flushes, hehehe.

If I was your manager and you came to me with this issue, I'd tell you to discuss it with her so she understands your sensitivities.

I really like the men I have worked with and appreciate them being straightforward with me. Please don't make me try to figure out what you're thinking. It doesn't have to be all serious, either.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

OP, if I worked in HR or as your supervisor and you complained to me that some nurse told you to put the toilet seat down I would start looking for reasons to fire you after I told you to put the toilet seat down in the future and stop wasting my time.

[adcinhae]

Women could put the seat down just as easily as a man but I personally find it disgusting to touch the seat so if a man has already touched it to raise it, it's just nice of him to lower it back down upon completion. Plus, funky things happen to a lot of women's bladders after having children, especially to older women, those few unexpected seconds could mean an underwear tinkle or not.

As for the older woman's comment, it does seem a bit rude and straight forward but maybe she was genuinely trying to help you out since there was an issue in the past. I would consider talking to her rather than reporting her.

[thmpr]

I agree that her comment was rude.

Sexist? I think that is a stretch. Definitely rude.

It is no bigger deal for a woman to lower a toilet seat than it is for a man to raise it. If there is no lid then there is no default position.

In my family the rule is that EVERYONE puts the lid down when they are done with the toilet. If there is no lid you are off the hook.

I think women are terrible slobs in the bathroom. TERRIBLE.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been completely grossed out by the blood, urine, feces, and Lord knows whatelse I find on the floor and toilet when I go into these unisex bathrooms that are used primarily by women. Holy Mother of Jesus girls...

[AlphaM]

[acim]

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[kakamegamama]

Bless her! Shouldn't laugh...but, I could so see me in that same situation!

[TheGooch]

LOL. First world problems.