Is this heart failure?

allnurses Guide · Feb 12, 2010

We can't give medical advice to you via this site. Please have your dad talk to his doctor - this is not the way he should feel and some of the symptoms sound treatable.

tencat · Feb 12, 2010

Can't give you medical advice. Encourage him to visit his PCP.

beatrice1 · Feb 12, 2010

I understand that you can't give medical advice, but do you have suggestions for how to talk to someone who is non-complient on how to help them understand how to take care of themselves better??

Da_Milk_of_Amnesia, MSN · Feb 12, 2010

Plan and simple. Tell him he's going to die. I have no problem giving people the death speech and I've done it a bunch of times. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. But yea we can't give medical advice, read the TOS next time.

nursemike, ASN, RN · Feb 12, 2010

I'm not a doctor, and if I was I couldn't diagnose over the internet, but I do have some experience dealing with a noncompliant Dad. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself to love people for what the are and not what they should be.

I actually toyed with the idea of switching docs, because my Dad's doc is so much more lenient than mine. Then it occured to me that my Dad is twenty years older than I am. My doc is trying to prevent the problems my Dad already has.

So, my Dad has cut back on smoking and now uses snuff. His vascular surgeon properly notes that any nicotine impairs circulation. His primary, and I, say at least he isn't circulating carbon monoxide when he uses snuff. I don't like to think about it, but on some level I guess I know oral cancers aren't going to be an issue.

And I think that's kinda the underlying principle. At some point, we have to start realizing that time is getting shorter, and start facing those "quality of life" vs "quantity" decisions. Someday, hopefully not too soon, there's a real good chance that my last conversation with my Dad will be an argument about going to the hospital. And it sounds like you might be in a similar boat. And about all I can really think to do about it is try to make it a gentle argument and not a knock-down, drag-out fight.

Sorry I can't give more specific advice. It's probably wise that the terms of service don't allow us to practice medicine online, because you know we'd all love to. Long before I thought of becoming a nurse, I knew enough nurses to know that every nurse knows more than any doctor, and if you don't believe me, just ask a nurse.

But I'll say a prayer for you and your Pop. It's no trouble. I'm in that neighborhood a lot, anyway.

beatrice1 · Feb 12, 2010

I am new to this site... so where can I find the "TOS" ?

Didn't know there was one! :uhoh3:

Silverdragon102, BSN · Feb 12, 2010

Terms of service and links can always be found at the bottom of any AN pages

Emergency RN · Feb 12, 2010

i'm not going to address the medical aspects of the op question (as that violates the tos) but what i will do is throw in a philosophical red herring.

the story goes like this...

the condemned man, just before being executed by firing squad, asks the captain of the guard about to tie his blindfold, if he could have one last cigarette. the captain gasps, and says, "i can't do that... why, that's bad for your health!"

i agree with nursemike, regarding the quality vs quantity issue; if i'm a going, i'd rather go a doing the things i like to do.

RN1980 · Feb 12, 2010

the next time you see him smoking and being generally non compliant, get the phone book out and tell him to find the funeral home he wants to use and ask him to ride with you to the cemetary to pick out a burial plot. im not trying to be silly about this, had a similair situation with a close uncle of mine. good luck.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Feb 13, 2010

Plan and simple. Tell him he's going to die. I have no problem giving people the death speech and I've done it a bunch of times. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. But yea we can't give medical advice, read the TOS next time.

Wow! Straight and to the point, eh?

To the OP - please just speak from the heart, gently but sincerely. Try to get Dad to the doctor. Sometimes children are not taken seriously by parents, even if they are professionals. Best of luck to you.

mustlovepoodles, RN · Feb 13, 2010

I disagree with the scare-him-into-compliance tactic. He knows exactly what he's doing. He knows all the stuff about quitting smoking, controlling his diabetes, treating his heart disease. Harsh speeches will do little more than irritate him and put distance between you. If you want to bring up your concerns, I think you should do it with respect and caring. He may or may not change his ways but he's a full-grown adult and has the legal right to make his own healthcare decisions. Your choices are not his choices and you will not make it so by throwing dire predictions in the ring. How about you just love him as he is?

I have some experience with a non-compliant parent--my mother. At first I went at her like I was killing a snake, determined to MAKE her take her diabetes seriously. I pointed out that she has atrial fib, that she has already lost feeling in both feet, that her sugar levels are steadily climbing. All it did was make her feel persecuted and guilty. She has not changed a thing except that she no longer talks to me about her health. I wish I had been more understanding about how she feels to live in a body that is betraying her little by little. I wish I had tried to empathize with her fear. Instead I did the worst thing I could have done--I treated her like a child. I tried to shame her into doing what *I* wanted her to do. Oh, I know she will forgive me. I'm her child, after all. But I wish I had taken a kinder approach because I really didn't mean to hurt her. I was scared and I made it all about me.