Is this heart failure?

[beatrice1]

Just want to get some insight and advice on giving advice....

Overview- My Dad had bypass surgert about 6 years ago. Besides that... His medical history is Diabetes 2, COPD.

He quit smoking after his surgery but slowly went back to it. Has been smoking regularly for the past year or two.

He is very noncomplient! I am concerned because he seems to be putting on weight, He has been short of breath on exertion (mostly). Now I just heard from his wife, that he has been sleeping ALOT. He's always tired.

He is depressed and short-tempered. (well... He's always had a little bit of that, never been the most happy person)

He thinks this is "just the way he is going to feel cause of his COPD" and "what's the point of not smoking, cause the damage is done anyway"

Can you please tell me what I should do first and what advice I can give him to get it through his head that he has to take care of himself.

Any suggestions are appreciated!

[Da_Milk_of_Amnesia, MSN]

Sometimes people need a hard dose of reality. Sorry but I'm not gonna sit there and sugar coat it for someone. I mean listen the guy is how old? I'd let him be and let him do what he wants. I know it's hard to watch someone lead to their own demise, but we let patients do it all the time when they sign out AMA or refuse something. It is ultimately their choice right ?

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I disagree with the scare-him-into-compliance tactic. He knows exactly what he's doing. He knows all the stuff about quitting smoking, controlling his diabetes, treating his heart disease. Harsh speeches will do little more than irritate him and put distance between you. If you want to bring up your concerns, I think you should do it with respect and caring. He may or may not change his ways but he's a full-grown adult and has the legal right to make his own healthcare decisions. Your choices are not his choices and you will not make it so by throwing dire predictions in the ring. How about you just love him as he is?

I have some experience with a non-compliant parent--my mother. At first I went at her like I was killing a snake, determined to MAKE her take her diabetes seriously. I pointed out that she has atrial fib, that she has already lost feeling in both feet, that her sugar levels are steadily climbing. All it did was make her feel persecuted and guilty. She has not changed a thing except that she no longer talks to me about her health. I wish I had been more understanding about how she feels to live in a body that is betraying her little by little. I wish I had tried to empathize with her fear. Instead I did the worst thing I could have done--I treated her like a child. I tried to shame her into doing what *I* wanted her to do. Oh, I know she will forgive me. I'm her child, after all. But I wish I had taken a kinder approach because I really didn't mean to hurt her. I was scared and I made it all about me.

Even with patients, it's no easy thing to remember it's about what they need, and not about what makes you feel better. With parents, it's doubly difficult. Still, I doubt most parents have too much trouble understanding what it's like to worry about someone you love.