In your "perfect nursing world" what would you have?

[General E. Speaking, RN]

I would like to see patients micro-chipped with all their medical history. You know, like when the pacemaker's are interrogated and they wave that magical little wand over the device and POOF! all the data comes up nicely on a screen?

No more, "Mamma! Mamma! What was that little blue pill you take at night? Or, "Yes, I had a severe allergy to a medicine. It made my throat close up. What? The name...uh, I dunno".

No more, "Oh, honey, just call my doctor. He knows all my medicines."

I would like to see the nurses station roped off like the movie theater lines. Only so many doctors allowed in the nurses station at one time. We could serve popcorn for those waiting...

I would like to see a limit to how long they (docs) can stay in the nurses station. BUZZ! "Times up, doc! Oh, you are not finished? That's okay, kindly step back to the end of the line. When it is your turn again, you can finish up, k? Buh bye."

I WOULD like a crystal ball that tells me when you are rounding. This will help me immensely in planning my day, especially if you are coming in to do a bedside procedure since I have had the consent done and room set up, patient prepped for hours upon hours and still you do not show your lovely face... until shift change.

I would like a nurse satisfaction survey for management. I want to send out daily annoying color-coded emails about "getting your scores up". I want to see how you feel to be treated like a kindergartner that is changing colors for bad behavior.

In the managers/administration bathrooms, I want to put annoying Stop Sign stickers above their sinks that say, "Safe Staffing Saves Lives!"

I want to interrupt administrations lunch every 5 minutes for the duration of every single lunch they have.

I'm sure I will have more. Sorry for the rant!

[Caffeine_IV]

PROPER STAFFING first and foremost. That would eliminate a ton of issues.

-Mandatory meetings at inconvenient hours for those in management who schedule everything for early AM on your days off.

-Coffee/ice/free drinks in a break room for families so they don't use up ours.

- Stocked linen carts at all times so we don't have to hunt for blankets.

-A meeting just for those in management so they get reamed out for things beyond their control

-Side rails that actually keep a patient in the bed

-COWS with seats on them

-A place to document without interruption

-A sheet to handout that explains doctor rounds and how they come whenever they like and not on a schedule because they are seeing more than just one patient (ugggh)

-A security guard for each floor so we don't get unexpected visitors at 2am scaring the crap out of us when patient has been alone all day.

[Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN]

I want my pts to have a GPS in them.

That way, when someone rushes in all upset because "Momma didn't answer her phone" I can tell them exactly where Momma is - doing the stairs with PT, in her OT exercise class. In the loo - whatever.

I want doors that lock at the end of visiting hours - no one can get in unless nurses let them. that would put an end to those pesky midnight visits.

I want a nurses' lounge that no one can see into. With comfy chairs.

I want a big pail of water or slime to drop on the visitor that says "you are just playing on the computer" or "your lunch can wait. Momma needs ice water NOW".

[sevensonnets]

Unit secretaries who take off orders; nursing assistants who take care of the patient including baths, beds, and toileting; housekeeping staff who do the floors and empty trash; phlebotomists who draw blood; pharmacy techs who deliver meds and solusets on time; charge nurses who man the desk and don't have to take patients; an admit nurse. Don't laugh, when there was a clear division of labor things ran a whole lot smoother, things got done, and there was much less STRESS.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

-A meeting just for those in management so they get reamed out for things beyond their control

YES!!!!!:yeah::yeah::yeah:

[General E. Speaking, RN, RN]

- Stocked linen carts at all times so we don't have to hunt for blankets.

-COWS with seats on them

This amazes me...the linen cart. Pretty sure we will need linen next weekend too, yet, we have to call every Saturday...

As for the COWS, if you cannot have a computer in every room, how about COWS with MOTORS!

[bree*]

A job.

[mama_d, BSN, RN]

I would like the answer to the ultimate question of nursing: How on earth can there be an industry wide blanket shortage? Maybe Congress can write in a linen law on the healthcare bill..."Every health care facility must have adequate linen supplies as determined by 'front line' employees. Violation of this clause by facilities will trigger investigation by appropriate regulating industries as promoting an unsafe environment for patients and all fines will be distributed to the employees who had to spend their shift hunting linens instead of at the bedside. Unfavorable patient outcomes that may be attributed to by employees being pulled away from the bedside by something so inane will result in mandatory unpaid education, at a minimum of one standard shifts' duration, on the importance of clean and readily available linen to patient safety and satisfaction. Should multiple violations occur, upper management must work at the laundromat nearest to the facility at minimum wage to ensure adequate supply until the violation is corrected to the satisfaction of at least 75% of the 'front line' staff."

[General E. Speaking, RN, RN]

keep 'em coming!

[OCNRN63, RN]

OOhhhhhh, how I love this thread!!!

In my perfect nursing world, I would have aerosolized valium pumping through the vents in the Nurse Managers office. Then I would have two team leaders per service (our OR has about 6 different services) to do nothing all day but ensure that we have working equipment with all of the parts and pieces, set up and break down our cases, give us a morning break, an afternoon break and a 45 minute lunch (that is catered). I would have free CEUs offered every month along with guaranteed time during the working day to complete them AND have someone keep up with them for me, emailing the tally to both me and the BON. I would have a free shoe fair every year, with each staff member eligible for one free pair of shoes (perhaps for Nurses Day). I would want complimentary X-ray lead for each staff member with their name embroidered on it. I would have pharmacy hire runners to do nothing but deliver meds to each OR in a locked box with separate little drawers for each case in the room for the day. I would want shock collars on the residents/attendings who send their patients down for "emergency surgery" without a consent. I would like to rate the performance of my managers each week with a nifty little graph showing where they "need improvement" and have the graphs hanging in the hallways "for incentive to do better". I would like to see a portion of the administrator's pay to be cut each time there is a mistake in staffing requiring the nurses that have worked so hard already that day to work overtime (we could call this Pay Abandonment since they tell us that we are stuck and there is nothing that they can do about it because if we left, it would be patient abandonment).

Wow! I could go on! Thanks for the fun thread, OP!

How about shock collars for misbehaving physicians?

[BabyLady, BSN, RN]

My needs are simple:

I would like to see a hospital that based staffing 100% on patient acuity so that patients could be taken care of, the way they deserve, to be taken care of.

[RNforLongTime]

--houskeeping and respiratory therapists at night--I have to give my own treatments. do my own vent checks,clean my own rooms at night because those depts leave at 10pm!!!

--a unit leader/nurse manager:my unit has been without one for almost 2 yrs now, it's a free for all. No one is held accountable for their job performance or lack thereof and I'm getting tired of cleanin up after most of my coworkers

--the ability to kick out irrational family members with no consequences from management

[Cinquefoil]

Not a nurse yet, but in my perfect nursing world:

1) "Diplomizer" voice transponder headsets, that filter and translate the true and constructive parts of what anyone's saying and mute crankiness, defensiveness, exaggeration, and lies.

2) A staff spa complete with individual sized, private hot tubs, foot masseuses, and a greenhouse full of plants and sun lamps.

3) Once every month, qualified managers work at least one floor shift in a variety of positions. All nurses work a tech or CNA shift. All techs or CNA's get one paid day of shadowing a nurse who explains what a nurse's day and thought process is like. All nurses get paid to shadow the managers. (Goal- reducing ignorance about what other positions do)

4) A "puppy room". Nuff said. (There's a "kitten room", too.)

5) "Smart rooms" that automatically replenish any supplies used.