I'm so devastated. I honestly don't know how to do this....

meownsmile, BSN, RN · May 21, 2006

Dont be to distraught if you can help it. Try to get through these last couple months.

Im not so sure a judge wouldnt allow some emergency maintence for you until you are out of school. He's abandon you and you have a right to finish your schooling that he agreed to so you can support yourself. Call the bank and see if they can defer the principle payment until you are out of school. Sometime they are willing to do that and let you pay only the interest for a few months till things get back on track. Thats the last thing they want to do it to take back a home. I hope you get things taken care of and try not to let it interfere to much. Once you finish school and can support yourself well, its his loss. I hope he has to work that same job he hated for the rest of his life.

NephroBSN, BSN, RN · May 21, 2006

I have a month and a half left of my LPN, then I start the RN this summer. Almost there, even despite that my ex husband died unexpectedly and my kids are still going through that turmoil.
Well it gets worse. My husband of 3 years told me Thursday night that he wants a divorce. He up and left. I'm here in this house. NO money (our agreement was for me to focus on school, then when I'm done he wanted to quit his job that he hates and do something else). All this time I've been working so hard for our family (he has 2 boys and I have 3 children, too). All this work, to now get this blow to my stomach.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know if he'll make the house payment or not? I don't know how I'm supposed to go to school tomorrow (I have a test, and every time I sit down to study I cry).
I have had maybe 3-400 caloric intake (with FORCING myself) to eat--stomach is just in knots. I feel so betrayed. I'm so afraid. I don't have a penny to my name to move out on my own, plus try to work and get through school full time and clinicals.
Why now.........I know this is such a "poor me" post, but I am just so hurt that words couldn't even explain it. I want to just hide, cry.
My mom and friend told me I need to "buck up" and get through this, but my buck up is laying in fetal postion on the pasture right now..........
Please help with any words of advice or support you might have for me. I so need support.....
Thank you so much
Many hugs
Emma

That SOB ( Shorness of breath guys.... shortness of breath) of a second husband needs to be welllllllllllllllllllllll I guess I've said enough.:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire

How's this: Emma you let us deal with him, let us be mad as he (double toothpicks) at him, let us do the crying and the not eating ( I could use that) and you get on with school.. Finish your LPN sit for your boards and get a job.. Show him up. Get the job you want for a change and let him stay right where he is. Don't give him a darn thing.

Have you filed for surviviors insurance from your first husband for your kids. I don't know how much you will get but it just might be enough for you to feed, house and clothe yourselves.

Is your second husband at least taking his own two kids with him. I'd hate to see them broken up. Adults make some of the st**pidest mistakes don't they .. NOT you Emma,,,, him.

Get right over to the SS office and get your benefits for your own kids. And if you are keeping the other two go to the welfare office and get them after your second husband.. Many states now will take every single license including driver's licenses, electricians, and nurses licenses for non support.

And go to the welfare office and apply for food stamps whatever they will give you to keep you afloat.

When my ex left that's what I did. And when he died his second wife, even though she didn't have her kids , got SSI for them.. All of sudden she wanted them when they came with money. Again adults..............eeeeeeeee

You hold your head up high. Take a deep breath, finish your LPN, get a job and go for your RN part time. Or maybe with SSI you might be able to make it right now onto RN.

A couple of good things will come of this. Your kids will see just what a strong woman looks like. If you have daughters what a role model you will be. If you have boys just think about the choices they will make for spouses.

Keep us informed

BTW definately let your school know what is going on, They may be able to help you.

Good luck, you can do this.

Remember we are never given more than we can handle. Your God wouldn't do that to you. He loves you too much.

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 21, 2006

You need a lawyer, preferably one that charges a sliding scale based on your ability to pay.

He has financial obligations he can't legally run out on. Some sort of alliimony and child support needs to be worked out immediately. Plus you need some public assistance.

What a horrible blow. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

mad9 · May 21, 2006

All I have to offer to help is to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

:icon_hug:

GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN · May 21, 2006

Im so sorry you are going through this. The nerve of him to leave NOW. Couldn't he atleast wait until your kids were somewhat over loosing their dad? And wait until you could support yourself and them? He obviously does not give one hoot as to what happens to you guys.

I agree with Tweety. Get a lawyer, STAT. You deserve some allimony. And get to the welfare office. There is nothing wrong w/ welfare if it is to get through a difficult time. They shouldn't give you a problem, since you are obviously bettering yourself by being in school.

Hold your head high. You are a good mom by getting yourself an education and a career that will be able to support your guys. Get back to the books! Now you need to work even harder! Pass those boards! Be proud to be an LPN! Be proud to support yourself and your kids!

You CAN get through this. He will be missing out on a smart, dedicated career woman who can give her kids a good life! He is the one loosing something, YOU! My prayers are with you!!!

Sugah Britches · May 21, 2006

How devastating for you. Everything you are feeling is OK. Allow yourself to grieve, be angry etc. Then ALLOW yourself to emerge with your head held high. You have come this far with school, it is your ticket to financial security for you and your family, it is a source of self confidence and independence. I second Nephro's suggestions. Go to the foodstamp office, get any and ALL assistance that you can.

Remember, you are loved by your children, you are a strong, intelligent woman. Life has many good things waiting for you. You can do it.

chase4myheart · May 21, 2006

Please don't give up on your career now. You are so close to finishing. I know that your heart is broken now, but I promise that it will get better. Your children are definitely eligible for SSI benefits where there father passed away. Call the Social Security Administration and apply immediately. Next, call Legal Aid. There should be a listing in your phone book. They work for people free of charge to help them get child support and to help with divorce cases. Your husband abandoned you and you are entitled to alimony. If he left his children with you, then you are entitled to child support. I know that this is a lot to deal with when all you want to do is to crawl in a hole and hide, but it is necessary for your survival and the survival of your children. I've learned through my own life experiences that you can't depend on anyone else for your own happiness. You have to learn to be able to be happy with yourself. Sometimes this means being happy by yourself and sometimes you get to experience happiness with other people. Your children have lost their father and need you so very much right now. Concentrate all of your energy on them and time will take care of the rest. As your children grow older, they will look back at this time and realize what a strong mother they have. You will be a terrific role model for them. I'm not just handing out idle advice. I've went through so many of the same things that you wrote in your post. I promise that it will get better. Lean on your family and friends for support. They love you and will not let you down. Feel free to vent here or to anyone as much as you need to. I will be praying for you.

burn out · May 22, 2006

I imagine that you are feeling shocked and numb and don't know what to do at this moment. HOLD ON the worst thing you can do in this kind of state is to make any decisions. Whatever you do hold on to your schooling because that is your future and what will bring you above this..lose the house if you have to but keep on with your education. If you can see if you can get some kind of student loan to tide you over and when you go for your RN apply for every kind of grant, student loan you can get. Aslo you may be able to find a hospital that will pay for your RN schooling and pay you a stipend while going to school..usually you have to agree to work for them when you get out but that is just a guarantied job. Good luck you are stronger than you think and you will make it . This to will pass.

tryingtomakeit, RN · May 22, 2006

One of the last scenes in the movie Castaway, with Tom Hanks, he discovers that the person (Kelly) who gave him the strength to go on, day after day, for four years alone on an island, has married another man. He is telling one of his friends that when he was on the island it was terrible beyond words, but that he kept breathing. He knew that every morning the sun would rise and he never knew what the tide would bring. Then, one day, the tide washed up a metal door - basically a piece of scrap metal to most people - but to him it was a sail. And it got him home. Now faced with the realization that the woman, whose memory gave him enough courage to make it back to civilization, is married to another, he tells his friend something to the effect of, "But I will keep breathing, and I know that tomorrow the sun will shine. And I will wait to see what the tide brings ..."

I know that is only a movie, but there is a lot of wisdom there. I have been almost exactly in your shoes and I know this from experience. Keep breathing - one breath at a time. The sun will rise. And always watch that tide. You never know what wonderful things it may bring to you in the future. But right now hold your head high. You can make it. Do what you have to do. You can breathe a little after school is out.

There is all kinds of emergency aide out there and you are certainly deserving of it right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you. :icon_hug:

psalm, RN · May 22, 2006

...many prayers and hugs coming your way from many of us. GEt some sleep and eat before your test, and tell your instructor before the test what is going on, maybe you can take it later.

beautifulb · May 22, 2006

you have so much going on. i am so sorry that you are going through this, and of all times to happen. your dreams are still there, so don't put them on hold. i agree with the previous poster about talking about it with your instructor. you could also go to the school counseling center and they may be able to give you some helpful information.good luck :icon_hug: