If You Could Have Any Skill to Deal with Difficult People -- What Would It Be?

[PancakeSaturdays]

Hey everyone,

What skills do you wish you had more of to help you deal with difficult people at work?

(For example:

• Ability to say no” without feeling like a jerk
  
• Not let people's bad attitudes get to you
  
• Ability to stay calm when annoyed
  
• Knowing how to deal with gossip / negativity
  
• etc.)
  

[Remy Ox]

I think abilities to say NO and also, less empathy. I appreciate my care to others but I feel too much, if that make sense

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

A mute button

[PancakeSaturdays]

I wish I could handle difficult people by being more assertive rather than emotional. Sometimes I just have to shut my mouth because I feel tears welling up inside and don't want other people to see that. But then I get trampled on by bullies/people who take advantage of "nice people."

Thanks so much for your honest and candid response, RNexplorer.

I wish I had a magic wand you could wave that would make the bullies disappear. Or that would instantly give you the assertiveness you want.

[PancakeSaturdays]

I'm usually not in the room with another nurse. The best I do: I will listen to the patient/family/friends talk about their experiences, and when I leave I make a mental note to ask them to continue the next time I'm in the room. I give them the time to speak and have, on occasion, even sat down with them while they talk. I work on a progressive care floor, and if most of my patients are just about ready for acute care, I have this time.

It's when I have two patient fresh from the ICU, bumped down because space was needed, and one patient/family that I've had before, almost ready for acute care, and I've provided that service to them before. That family believes that I really do have the time, which I only did because of the census I had when said patient arrived to the unit. Suddenly, I don't have the time, and they always seem surprised that I can't. I understand as I've created this situation to begin with.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to not give that time at all, but sometimes it's needed. Allowing people to tell a story about why they're in the hospital or about something that isn't related to the visit gives them a much needed reprieve from the stress they might be experiencing. It also lets them know that the nurses in progressive care have as much time as the ICU nurses to care for their loved ones.

Any thoughts or ideas for me?

Hmmm…. Well, let's see where we're at.

Sounds like you don't want withhold giving them the time, though that clearly would solve the problem by creating consistency. But you don't want to do that because you really value providing the reprieve (them sharing something personal like a story) and care.

It's like your practical needs (time, needing to move onto next patient) are colliding with your care and intuition (knowing it's good for them to be able to share a story, share a different side of themselves besides being a patient).

It seems to me that since you're going to do a hybrid (sometimes listen for a while, sometimes not), you need a firm way of communicating what they can expect. Since you will sometimes be offering time and other times will be offering to get stuff done!

So -- how to communicate really clearly what they can expect?

Hmmm.

I'm going to assume that most of the time, you don't have the time for a long listen. That a longer listen is more of the exception.

If that's the case, then maybe the standard message you want to send is busy, busy, busy. Am here to take care of things.” You're attention is primarily on your task. Your tone is friendly, but does not draw them out too much, as you'll have to cut them off momentarily. Your tone when you need to leave is definitive, a statement. Not a question. When you need to leave, you don't linger. What you say accords with your non-verbals (Well -- gotta boot scoot,” or something affirming, You're doing great on resting; keep up the good work.”). Then the exit.

On the occasion that you're able to talk longer, maybe give a cue like (verbal) I don't normally have time to talk to you as much as I'd like, but [reason I have the time now]. How are you doing?” Non-verbal communication would match, as you slow down, turn entirely to them, or maybe sit down.

The I don't normally….” would educate them to not expect it generally. This is the exception to the rule,” is the metamessage.

***

Personally, this is something I had to re-learn. I always thought I had to be the lingerer, waiting for the other person to say THEY had to go first. Except thaaaat doesn't make for much margin in life!

In fact, in my Happy, Healthy Nurse training, I was *just* writing a worksheet about how to use vocal tone to cue people as to what to expect from you. It's an art and a science. I learned a lot from observing others in all kinds of situations, and saw that when someone's directing another person (like "I'm leaving"), there are common vocal tones that are used, as well as other common non-verbals.

That's my very loooong response to your question! :)

Let me know if you've got more thoughts.

[PancakeSaturdays]

Ability of stay composed in confrontational situations. No matter how much I've prepared what I am gonna say, even if I feel pretty confident....my face flushes bright red uncontrollably!

Julius Seizure, hello!

I remember you from an emotionally-in-touch comment you made on a different post of mine. And here you are again.... with another self-aware comment!

I wonder if guided visualization would help create a different outcome in confrontational situations(?) (Guided visualization sounds el-weirdo, but just entails using one's imagination to help get his/her body and emotions to do what s/he want them to do in tense situations. Like what athletes do before a free throw, poll vault, dive, etc.)

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

I've never thought of saying stating that this is something out of the ordinary, when I sit down to speak with someone. It just conflicts with what I want to project. I'll give it a try and let you know what happens.

[Buyer beware, BSN]

Assume the thousand yard stare. And start mumbling incomprehensible things pertinent to the Mylai massacre.

[CountryMomma, ASN, RN]

How to smoothly convince them (quickly) that my idea/ plan/ outlook is the best way to start. I guess you could say, how to be a better, more subtle, manipulator. For good of course.

[PancakeSaturdays]

I've never thought of saying stating that this is something out of the ordinary, when I sit down to speak with someone. It just conflicts with what I want to project. I'll give it a try and let you know what happens.

I'd love to hear how it goes!

[PancakeSaturdays]

I think abilities to say NO and also, less empathy. I appreciate my care to others but I feel too much, if that make sense

Ya, that makes sense. Feeling too much is difficult in any job, but I think especially in a vocation like nursing. So much pain and discontent in the room. Too much if one is absorbing it all.

[PancakeSaturdays]

How to smoothly convince them (quickly) that my idea/ plan/ outlook is the best way to start. I guess you could say, how to be a better, more subtle, manipulator. For good of course.

a better, more subtle influencer is how I see it

[cherrypie60]

Hi,

I work in a Psych ER and the one thing that you need is patience. That is what I struggle with sometimes. Because you can see the same patients over and over again like a revolving door and it wears you down emotionally and physically.