I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

Nurses Stress 101

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

I haven't bothered reading the entire thread of comments, so I just decided to post my own in response to the OP's post. My reaction is probably off the cuff from my usual demeanor but I don't care right now. It really made me angry. You have apparently never been to nursing school, so you really don't understand the rigors of such a program or the stress your husband is under. It can really impact the time away from friends and family. You need to be more understanding and less selfish about the lack of time he is spending with you and the family. I mean, he should be doing his best to accommodate given his new demands and that is all you should expect. Did you really believe nothing would change after his starting the nursing program? I was fortunate enough to be with someone that really understood my stress and my limitations while I was in school (an accelerated program at that), and we are still together. It takes a lot of support and understanding to be with someone in nursing school, and that I am afraid is something you are lacking.

Yes I understand why my post would bring that reaction of yours. But if you would take the time to read at least some post you would understand maybe what I am trying to explain. So are you telling me that while you were in your program you didn't spend any time what so ever with your family? not 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 mins? a week. NOTHING? because that is what I am getting from my husband, not even 5 mins. But thank god that is about to change once we had a chance to talk it through and come to an agreement that will suit both of us.

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Feeling neglected due to a spouse's preoccupation with school is a private matter between the people affected. If your spouse strongly values privacy, he may consider your discussion of him here a violation of his privacy.

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Feeling neglected due to a spouse's preoccupation with school is a private matter between the people affected. If your spouse strongly values privacy, he may consider your discussion of him here a violation of his privacy.

Well not really because you don't know us, you know nothing about us beside my problem that I posted. He has read all these comments and he didn't get upset because nobody here knows us at least not in person. I wouldn't go behind my husbands back and do this. He has an account here and has been following. He is the one that told me about this site. Some of these comments that he has read are the reason we sat down to come to an agreement thank god. That is the great thing about networking that you can post all your problems and you will never know who we are :) But thank you for you so "POSITIVE" advice.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

OP, I think that you have gotten some sound advice, even advice you may have not been receptive to, but I see it as sound advice.

I really think that people outside of nursing have NO idea that for the degree that we possess that the sheer work volume and how to think like a nurse is ASTOUNDING; one has to bridge sometimes the ease of the pre req's and achieve a steep curve on nursing theory-how to think like a nurse, be prepared to face the vulnerability of the pts that we take care of, open ones mind to various culture and backgrounds, understand the stressful dynamics that occur on a day to day basis.

I will add that even after the program's course, then the goal is obtaining licensure, which can be stressful as well; the pressure to become licensed can be great, due to the fact is one can not work as a nurse until they pass the boards and have their license. THEN comes the job search and finding the job that fits, and learning that specialty is a curve in itself as well.

Be prepared for these pressures I just illustrated; it's great that you are in counseling for helping you cope with these changes-this is JUST the beginning.

Best wishes.

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There is nothing specifically about nursing school that makes it impossible to balance work/family life. Like anything else that takes a ton of time and commitment, nursing school will monopolize his attention for a while.

I work full time in addition to studying full time. I am nearing graduation from my BSN. I learned early on that if I wanted to maintain my relationship with my wife, we would have to be purposeful about seeking time out during the day to see each other. So we have an ironclad rule that we either eat breakfast together before I go to work, or she comes to join me at work for lunch. When she can get away, she comes and picks me up from work and drives me to school. That way we have time in the car. If class goes till 10:30 PM, the Internet goes off at home and we spend a few minutes talking before bed. No cell phone, no surfing the web. Then too, she involves herself in my studies. She reviews my essays. She helps me cram for exams, NCLEX, etc.

Your marriage came before nursing school and (we hope) will continue long after. Somehow you've got to communicate to this man that you want to be part of his new adventure, not left behind for it.

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Specializes in ICU / PCU / Telemetry / Oncology.
Yes I understand why my post would bring that reaction of yours. But if you would take the time to read at least some post you would understand maybe what I am trying to explain. So are you telling me that while you were in your program you didn't spend any time what so ever with your family? not 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 mins? a week. NOTHING? because that is what I am getting from my husband, not even 5 mins. But thank god that is about to change once we had a chance to talk it through and come to an agreement that will suit both of us.

No, I am not telling you that while I was in the program I didn't spend any time "what so ever" with my family. I did. I made concerted efforts whenever I could and while not to the extent that they were before nursing school started, they were understood and embraced. Is he not coming home at all at night? He has to sleep sometime, that's time right there.

Sent from my iPad using allnurses

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Well not really because you don't know us, you know nothing about us beside my problem that I posted.

With all the information you've given about yourself and your husband, it wouldn't be hard for someone in your husband's class to make the connection. This site ain't no secret.

That said, your husband could make a LITTLE time for you and your kids. All the people on here saying otherwise are just too self-centered. It's like trying to tell someone from Ferguson that Mike Brown wasn't just an innocent kid. But it sounds like he has agreed to do this for you, so I'm happy for you :)

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Yes!

And we still made it through nursing school ...

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

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OP, I think that you have gotten some sound advice, even advice you may have not been receptive to, but I see it as sound advice.

I really think that people outside of nursing have NO idea that for the degree that we possess that the sheer work volume and how to think like a nurse is ASTOUNDING; one has to bridge sometimes the ease of the pre req's and achieve a steep curve on nursing theory-how to think like a nurse, be prepared to face the vulnerability of the pts that we take care of, open ones mind to various culture and backgrounds, understand the stressful dynamics that occur on a day to day basis.

I will add that even after the program's course, then the goal is obtaining licensure, which can be stressful as well; the pressure to become licensed can be great, due to the fact is one can not work as a nurse until they pass the boards and have their license. THEN comes the job search and finding the job that fits, and learning that specialty is a curve in itself as well.

Be prepared for these pressures I just illustrated; it's great that you are in counseling for helping you cope with these changes-this is JUST the beginning.

Best wishes.

You are absolutely right, THank you. We am getting ready for this long journey.

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There is nothing specifically about nursing school that makes it impossible to balance work/family life. Like anything else that takes a ton of time and commitment, nursing school will monopolize his attention for a while.

I work full time in addition to studying full time. I am nearing graduation from my BSN. I learned early on that if I wanted to maintain my relationship with my wife, we would have to be purposeful about seeking time out during the day to see each other. So we have an ironclad rule that we either eat breakfast together before I go to work, or she comes to join me at work for lunch. When she can get away, she comes and picks me up from work and drives me to school. That way we have time in the car. If class goes till 10:30 PM, the Internet goes off at home and we spend a few minutes talking before bed. No cell phone, no surfing the web. Then too, she involves herself in my studies. She reviews my essays. She helps me cram for exams, NCLEX, etc.

Your marriage came before nursing school and (we hope) will continue long after. Somehow you've got to communicate to this man that you want to be part of his new adventure, not left behind for it.

Thank you Jose, I knew that there can be balance, it's just sticking with schedule and be there for one another. Good luck with you in your career. :up:

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With all the information you've given about yourself and your husband, it wouldn't be hard for someone in your husband's class to make the connection. This site ain't no secret.

That said, your husband could make a LITTLE time for you and your kids. All the people on here saying otherwise are just too self-centered. It's like trying to tell someone from Ferguson that Mike Brown wasn't just an innocent kid. But it sounds like he has agreed to do this for you, so I'm happy for you :)

Thank you, yes we are going to get through this together and I will keep updating to show people that it is possible to spend some quality time with your family even if it is only 15, 30 mins a a day. I honestly don't think there is any excuse to neglect the support team or family.

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The first semester is the worst! Be patient. It gets better.

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