This is my first submission to allnurses and I regret starting out on such a negative note. I joined this website to prove to myself that I'm not alone, that there are other nurses who share my feelings, so I simply need to put my thoughts out there. What I am about to say is something that I say to my husband on a weekly basis, if not more. Love his heart, he does his best to convince me that what I'm feeling is valid but he can't understand. He isn't a woman but more importantly, he isn't a nurse.
I graduated roughly one year ago with my BSN. At the time I was a nurse intern (basically a CNA) in a very large ICU. I really enjoyed that job, and loved taking care of critically ill patients. At the same time I was working in the ICU, I was doing my nursing school senior practicum in the intensive treatment unit at an inpatient psych hospital because I had always been fascinated with psych. My preceptor was amazing, the manager was great, and the staff morale was exceptional. I applied to and received job offers from both units upon graduating nursing school. I solicited advice from every nurse I came across at both facilities, and after much consideration I decided on the ICU position. Six months in, I detested it.
It wasn't the job I hated, it was the staff and the manager. The infamous nurse predators that "eat their young" had reared their ugly heads and I felt defeated, stupid, and hopeless after every shift. I felt like I was in high school all over again with the gossip, cliques, and passive aggressiveness. There were countless times that I walked into the break room only to find my MANAGER along with several members of the "in crowd" sitting around the table giggling to themselves. Which of course stopped the second I intruded. On top of all of that, I was put on nights, which contributed too a spell of deep depression and poor health. I left that position and didn't work for two months.
Luckily my husband is a saint and knows that his wife is a delicate flower (haha) so we lived off of his income for those two months. Finally, I was done feeling sorry for myself and applied to the psych hospital I had done my practicum at. Thank goodness, I was welcomed back with open arms.
Now I am six months in to that position and am already considering leaving. We have a different manger(that has never worked psych, mind you) and the staff morale that once felt like family has never been lower. I feel completely taken advantage of by my manager in regards to scheduling and working over time. I never see my husband because she refuses to give me some flexibility to align my schedule with his. I have begged over and over to again to go part-time or even PRN. I just feel so exhausted and OVER nursing as a whole. I'm over it, and I can't tell if I have a bad habit of playing the victim or if both job situations have just been unfortunate circumstances. I need your advice, as outsiders to my life, and as fellow nurses. Do I suck it up or leave yet another job after only six months? Honestly I feel like calling it quits altogether sometimes. I daydream of working in a bakery or doing photograohy or tasting wine for a living. Is nursing really all that bad or is there just an adjustment period?
I'm from the south and in my experience... those statements are almost always backhanded compliments. Seems like you are playing the game just as much as they are.
I too lived in the South for several years while in the military- I agree, when someone was called a peach it was in a derogatory context.
Your husband doesn't understand because he isn't a woman? What does being a woman have to do with anything?
You are a new grad, and you've been job hopping to find the perfect situation. You haven't found it, so you blame that on nursing. Or on those mean old nurses who don't like you and eat their young. Or the manager who won't allow you, the new nurse, to have your perfect schedule to match your husband's when you are the new nurse and there are nurses there who are senior to you. What a terrible situation you've found yourself in -- you who are the special snowflake who deserves to have everyone like you and to get everything you want without having to worry about all those other people who have been dutifully waiting their turn for the cushy schedule and are ahead of you in line. Oh yes -- leaving your job and becoming the brand new employee once again will completely fix that.
You're not too sensitive for nursing. You are just self centered. Get over it. Leave nursing. Let your husband support your delicate floral self. It doesn't sound as though you're cut out for the real world.
There is nothing wrong with your job, your colleagues or your manager. The problem is you. Grow up. Get to know your colleagues. Wait your turn for the perks.
I think you should give it time and see if things improve. There has been some absolutely fantastic advice given so far. Time can help and change your perspective. If you come in everyday, work very hard and focus on giving the best care you can, then you will eventually earn respect and positive treatment from any staff worth giving a hoot about. Managers worth their salt will respond very positively to this approach too and may respond with scheduling changes :).
If you end up in another job where there is cliquey-ness/unpleasant gossip (which encompasses many workplaces including stressful ones like nursing) then the same approach works well! If you can get your job satisfaction from giving top-notch nursing care and from your patient's/patients' responses then you can weather most things and choose to move if nothing improves. it sounds a bit cheesy but a bit of 'be the change you want to see' can help spur you on and you often find others who feel the same way but might not be be forthcoming at first.
For what it's worth I think you can be sensitive and strong, many nurses are, makes 'em compassionate but tough :).
I think no matter where you go, there will always be people who will be hard on you. There will always be cliques. There will always be disagreeable managers. Granted, healthcare is stressful and that seems to intensify/ attract certain personalities. Try not to take things too personally. I think over time you'll find that you end up forming an extremely strong bond with your coworkers, even some of those that were a little harsh on you at first :)
Specializes in CLC - Certified Lactation Counselor.
Going to offer a different opinion instead of attacking your age which none of us know. I would submit to you that life is short. I would also tell you never to listen to anyone telling you to deal with being miserable because, "dammit, we're all miserable and misery is part of nursing so deal with being miserable". That's ridiculous. This is your life. You get to say what is and is not acceptable and that does not make you insufferable, that makes you aware of your needs, wants and happiness. If your family life and time with your family is one of your core values - then honor that core value. No one needs experience to realize they are unhappy. You recognizing your unhappiness now is a blessing. Now, what I would say to you is that nursing is one of the very few professions that affords you an endless amount of possibilities - many of which are not at the bedside and have normal working hours that would align with your husband's. My suggestion would be to find out what else you may be able to do. Do not let anyone else define your happiness. You know what happiness means to you. Life is far too short to stick it out if you are miserable. I would never suggest to anyone I cared about that they stay in a situation that brought them pain; especially work.
I had a rough first year. I wasn't tough and was used to being over validated. I know that need to find someone who will tell it to me straight.
But I stuck with it until I became skilled, then eventually proficient and developed my professional identity. That's where it gets fulfilling.
Quitting won't get you there, and neither will allowing things to get to you. Go into it with the attitude that you're going to learn your trade while dodging whatever obstacles thrown at you, instead of looking/wanting to have a good work environment right off the bat. Become good at something then have the credibility to start influencing others and defining the work culture.
I was a professional in the wine industry for several years. Tasting wine as a profession may sound glamorous, but if you think nurses are catty, you've seen nothing until you've been at a meeting of the sommelier's guild. Not only that, but you're rewarded by making a fairly crappy living, at least domestically.
The grass is always greener and as someone who has had several careers, they all have their drawbacks. Life is a trade off. Instead of being a delicate flower (which I fully admit I cannot relate to in any context) try using a logic based cost-benefit analysis. Focus on the things you can change and improving yourself. That's where we all have to start.
Nursing isn't bad it's the people around you that makes nursing bad.
I've been there too. And when the stress get over me completely- I tried a different job for awhile. It taught me other things aside from clinical and I get to travel to another country and meet new people. It help me grow and develop other skills unbeknownst to me before. I think it helped me become a better person. Sometimes, it's okay to quit nursing for awhile rediscover yourself and come back again with your new learnings in life and as a person. It will make you stronger. And no, don't make excuses for other person's shortcomings - they are insecure and you are exceptional.
But as a new starter or newly grad, the other people here at this forum are correct-- don't expect your starting point to bend the way you want it to be. First of all, you are just beginning your career.
From my experience, the "newbies" get the weird hours and put on the night shift to start off with at nearly all hospital jobs (exceptions exist, of course). The toxic work environment at your ICU, however, should not be seen as normal. Glad you left!
As to your psych job, I would strongly urge you to consider toughing it out for at least a year. If things haven't improved at that point, feel free to look for another position. Worse things exist than a manager who hasn't worked in that specialty. At times, one can be surprised (in a good way) at what a manager is able to contribute by bringing outside experience to the table. Not saying this is - or will be - the case; I'm just trying to encourage an open mind here.
As to the morale, it may be an opportunity to shine and be a bright spot at your work. Not to brag in any way, but before I started my nursing career, I worked in a job where the morale was in the toilet 24/7. Brainstormed with my manager and the director to come up with ways to increase morale and foster creativity. By the time I left that job, it was considered one of the best places to work in the area. All this to say, you don't have to be a victim in this situation.
I do have to stress, however, that only you know your own limitations and breaking points. No one can tell you what you can or cannot handle. If you feel that you need to leave and find something else, that decision can only be yours. I do suggest that you find someone to mentor you in your current job. Not necessarily to be a friend, but someone who is willing to help you tap your full potential as a nurse and cultivate that "thick skin" necessary in nursing.
but more importantly, he isn't a nurse. 
ED Nurse, RN
369 Posts
I too lived in the South for several years while in the military- I agree, when someone was called a peach it was in a derogatory context.