This is my first submission to allnurses and I regret starting out on such a negative note. I joined this website to prove to myself that I'm not alone, that there are other nurses who share my feelings, so I simply need to put my thoughts out there. What I am about to say is something that I say to my husband on a weekly basis, if not more. Love his heart, he does his best to convince me that what I'm feeling is valid but he can't understand. He isn't a woman but more importantly, he isn't a nurse.
I graduated roughly one year ago with my BSN. At the time I was a nurse intern (basically a CNA) in a very large ICU. I really enjoyed that job, and loved taking care of critically ill patients. At the same time I was working in the ICU, I was doing my nursing school senior practicum in the intensive treatment unit at an inpatient psych hospital because I had always been fascinated with psych. My preceptor was amazing, the manager was great, and the staff morale was exceptional. I applied to and received job offers from both units upon graduating nursing school. I solicited advice from every nurse I came across at both facilities, and after much consideration I decided on the ICU position. Six months in, I detested it.
It wasn't the job I hated, it was the staff and the manager. The infamous nurse predators that "eat their young" had reared their ugly heads and I felt defeated, stupid, and hopeless after every shift. I felt like I was in high school all over again with the gossip, cliques, and passive aggressiveness. There were countless times that I walked into the break room only to find my MANAGER along with several members of the "in crowd" sitting around the table giggling to themselves. Which of course stopped the second I intruded. On top of all of that, I was put on nights, which contributed too a spell of deep depression and poor health. I left that position and didn't work for two months.
Luckily my husband is a saint and knows that his wife is a delicate flower (haha) so we lived off of his income for those two months. Finally, I was done feeling sorry for myself and applied to the psych hospital I had done my practicum at. Thank goodness, I was welcomed back with open arms.
Now I am six months in to that position and am already considering leaving. We have a different manger(that has never worked psych, mind you) and the staff morale that once felt like family has never been lower. I feel completely taken advantage of by my manager in regards to scheduling and working over time. I never see my husband because she refuses to give me some flexibility to align my schedule with his. I have begged over and over to again to go part-time or even PRN. I just feel so exhausted and OVER nursing as a whole. I'm over it, and I can't tell if I have a bad habit of playing the victim or if both job situations have just been unfortunate circumstances. I need your advice, as outsiders to my life, and as fellow nurses. Do I suck it up or leave yet another job after only six months? Honestly I feel like calling it quits altogether sometimes. I daydream of working in a bakery or doing photograohy or tasting wine for a living. Is nursing really all that bad or is there just an adjustment period?
I suspect OP will not respond- she isn't getting the responses she wanted, and now we, who refuse to coddle OP, are going to also be part of the problem. Excuses are like...
I haven't responded because I am busy, at work, being a nurse. I don't need to be coddled, it's quite the contrary. I appreciate the tough love.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
You know, I went through a lot of the same stuff in my first job as a nurse. They did a lot of mean things like making snide remarks, waving empty trash bags in my face ("Empty the trash!"), and throwing me into situations that I did not know what I was doing.
I almost quit. My husband told me to.
Then I realized I did not want to quit. And I did not have to fold and fade away. I told them I wanted to be a valuable member of the team. That I was not looking for friends at work, but if an emergency did arise, I would be able to assist and be useful. And I never, ever let em see me cry or sweat.
Slowly things changed and they accepted me. Hell, they even threw me a baby shower a couple years later.
It may be I was older than you when I started and had a few years' military service under my belt. I was not about to let such people get me down.
You have a couple choices. Run away crying with your tail between your legs, or put your head down, work hard and stop letting the little stuff get to you.
Either way, in life you will do better if you grow a thick skin and quit worrying what others are saying or thinking.
It's up to you. But don't take the notion in your head you are at work to make friends. You are there to work. IF you make friends along the way, great. If not, ok. Make sure you have a full and happy life outside work.
And you are new. You will have to work you way up to the schedule you want. It won't just come to you. You have to wait your turn!!
I completely agree with everything everyone has said. Honey, if you walk into this world expecting everyone to like you, you will come home broken down and deeply disappointed. Not everyone is going to be professional and act like an adult. It's sad and very frustrating, but its a reality we all have to come to terms with. My son, bless his heart, gets really upset when people aren't fair to him and I tell him all the time that the only "Fair" he's ever gonna see in life comes every year in August. You have to work hard and earn the perks and earn the respect. It's not going to come easy. If it did it wouldn't be worth it. So pull up your big girl britches and deal with it. Do your job to the best of your ability and stop worrying about stuff like this. It's counterproductive and distracting and your patients deserve more.
Nursing is not for "delicate flowers." But then, most meaningful jobs aren't for "delicate flowers" either. I would be ashamed to be a delicate flower -- and would have been ashamed back when I was young. Nursing is for strong, dedicated people who are willing to work hard to provide an extremely valuable service to society. It's always been that way. Read up on nursing history and be inspired by the strong women (and men) who have come before us who suffered much greater hardships than we have to suffer today.
I am not saying we should tolerate abuse. But we should not expect to treated as delicate flowers -- nor she we require to have the workplace accommodate our every wish.
Specializes in Pharmaceutical Research, Operating Room.
I daydream of ... tasting wine for a living.
HA meeeee too, or maybe tasting beer for a living!! Seriously though, I don't think you're too sensitive or that you can't do it. I think you need to see if you can stick it out for a year in acute care, and then get out and find another area of nursing to flourish in. That's what I did - I was a second career student and never, ever encountered the kind of toxicity that I did in the hospital I worked for right out of nursing school. I mean never. I did it for a little over a year and then left, and I love love love my job and my coworkers now. If you can get that magic year of experience, it really will open doors for you. You CAN do it, although it may take a little time to find the kind of environment I've fortunately found myself in. Good luck to you!!!
Your husband doesn't understand because he isn't a woman? What does being a woman have to do with anything?
You are a new grad, and you've been job hopping to find the perfect situation. You haven't found it, so you blame that on nursing. Or on those mean old nurses who don't like you and eat their young. Or the manager who won't allow you, the new nurse, to have your perfect schedule to match your husband's when you are the new nurse and there are nurses there who are senior to you. What a terrible situation you've found yourself in -- you who are the special snowflake who deserves to have everyone like you and to get everything you want without having to worry about all those other people who have been dutifully waiting their turn for the cushy schedule and are ahead of you in line. Oh yes -- leaving your job and becoming the brand new employee once again will completely fix that.
You're not too sensitive for nursing. You are just self centered. Get over it. Leave nursing. Let your husband support your delicate floral self. It doesn't sound as though you're cut out for the real world.
There is nothing wrong with your job, your colleagues or your manager. The problem is you. Grow up. Get to know your colleagues. Wait your turn for the perks.
Hi Ruby,
The thing about being a woman was a joke, but I guess it's politically incorrect to joke about gender these days. Anyway, thanks for your reply and the tough love. I don't get enough of it and I suspect that's somewhat of a contributing factor to my "self-centeredness" or so you say. The things you said are things I tell myself every day but have never heard from anyone else. You're such a peach!
You know...I have come to the conclusion that there are nasty little turds in every profession. Nursing is no different.
I am now starting a new job and when I went to the unit the first time, I did get a clique vibe among the nurses. I am hoping my first impressions are wrong, but if they aren't, I am just going to focus on what I am there for: to make money and to care for the babies (and their families).
To hell with the mean, catty co-workers. Allow yourself to vent in private to your husband for a couple minutes but then let it go. I know it is easier said than done.
The thing about being a woman was a joke, but I guess it's politically incorrect to joke about gender these days. Anyway, thanks for your reply and the tough love. I don't get enough of it and I suspect that's somewhat of a contributing factor to my "self-centeredness" or so you say. The things you said are things I tell myself every day but have never heard from anyone else. You're such a peach!
So now you will resort to being rude to others bc they told you the truth? I'm not sure what world you are living in, but here in reality, especially nursing, can one better themselves without criticism from others. If you don't want to hear the truth, or are only interested in opinions that agree with you, then don't post on an Internet forum. Like I said earlier, you must be young. Perhaps your husband can offer you advice more along what you hope to hear.
So now you will resort to being rude to others bc they told you the truth? I'm not sure what world you are living in, but here in reality, especially nursing, can one better themselves without criticism from others. If you don't want to hear the truth, or are only interested in opinions that agree with you, then don't post on an Internet forum. Like I said earlier, you must be young. Perhaps your husband can offer you advice more along what you hope to hear.
Wow. Who's being rude? The OP admitted she was delicate, that tough love is something she is not accustomed to, and that she's understanding of her role. Who micturated in your cheerios?
Nursing is not for "delicate flowers." But then, most meaningful jobs aren't for "delicate flowers" either. I would be ashamed to be a delicate flower -- and would have been ashamed back when I was young. Nursing is for strong, dedicated people who are willing to work hard to provide an extremely valuable service to society. It's always been that way. Read up on nursing history and be inspired by the strong women (and men) who have come before us who suffered much greater hardships than we have to suffer today.
I am not saying we should tolerate abuse. But we should not expect to treated as delicate flowers -- nor she we require to have the workplace accommodate our every wish.
I'm not ashamed of being sensitive. That's who I am, and I feel it allows me to connect with people in areas that others can't. One can be sensitive but also very strong.
Wow. Who's being rude? The OP admitted she was delicate, that tough love is something she is not accustomed to, and that she's understanding of her role. Who micturated in your cheerios?
Bc there were lots of other comments- she went right for the most truthful that did not paint her in a positive light- her post is sarcastic.
but more importantly, he isn't a nurse. 
Nomad_Nurse1
18 Posts
I haven't responded because I am busy, at work, being a nurse. I don't need to be coddled, it's quite the contrary. I appreciate the tough love.